T Nation

Know Your History!!!

For those that don’t know about history … Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement…

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare… Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Coors. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

And there you have it: Let your next action reveal your true self, I’m going to have another beer.

Dumb.
I hope you’re not a history professor.

In summary conservatives are cavemen.

Haha, I lol’ed and forwarded it to a very misguided liberal buddy of mine.

So in summation conservatives drink shitty beer and liberals drink good beer. Nice post.

My political views fall on the liberal side or things, but that post was funny as hell regardless.

Well slot me sideways. Obama’s a closet conservative.

“The president will drink Bud Light, White House Press Secretary Gibbs told reporters today. Gates has said he likes Red Stripe, while Sgt. James Crowley mentioned to the president that he prefers Blue Moon”

I knew it.

The real difference between liberals and conservatives:

Conservatives hear anything and get mad
Liberals have to be told what to get mad about and why

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NXf-Od4c68

It’s not true that all conservatives are stupid, but it IS true that most stupid people are conservative.

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
It’s not true that all conservatives are stupid, but it IS true that most stupid people are conservative.
[/quote]

They actually did a study on this and found it to be pretty even if I remember correctly. I’ll see if I can find it.

[quote]DoubleDuce wrote:

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
It’s not true that all conservatives are stupid, but it IS true that most stupid people are conservative.
[/quote]

They actually did a study on this and found it to be pretty even if I remember correctly. I’ll see if I can find it.[/quote]

Oy Vey!

[quote]Loudog75 wrote:
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Coors.
[/quote]

Well that’s a shitty way to live.

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
It’s not true that all conservatives are stupid, but it IS true that most stupid people are conservative.
[/quote]

If you’re not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you’re not a conservative at forty you have no brain.

[quote]DoubleDuce wrote:

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
It’s not true that all conservatives are stupid, but it IS true that most stupid people are conservative.
[/quote]

They actually did a study on this and found it to be pretty even if I remember correctly. I’ll see if I can find it.[/quote]

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
It’s not true that all conservatives are stupid, but it IS true that most stupid people are conservative.
[/quote]

If you’re not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you’re not a conservative at forty you have no brain.[/quote]

yeah, you want things to change to contour to your dick when you’re young, then you bitch and moan when the next generation tries to do the same.

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
It’s not true that all conservatives are stupid, but it IS true that most stupid people are conservative.
[/quote]

If you’re not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you’re not a conservative at forty you have no brain.[/quote]
I am over 40 and do not ascribe completely to either “perspective” because if you learn one thing with experience it is that nothing is black and white and I am not discussing ethnicity here

this thread is 1 political buzzword away from being deported to PWI.

What about Milwaukee’s Best?

[quote]redleg32002000 wrote:
What about Milwaukee’s Best?[/quote]

That is for the politically disenfranchised and terminally unemployed.