T Nation

Just Lost My Virginity at 23


Well as far as the sex itself, since we’re older it was probably just more similar to the two consenting adults thing rather than clueless kids. Even tho i was a virgin i didn’t do too bad (her words not mine). But there’s enough humor and persona vibes between us that i see it going somewhere, probably at least for a year. If I end up like some of the earlier poster’s attempts than lesson learned i suppose. But lessons are valuable





I’m honestly surprised that anyone in this thread supports this idea in any capacity. This shit NEVER works. If you decide you want to be just like all the other idiots who get WAY to attached to their first love/first sex partner, that’s your call, but it’s just extraordinarily rare for it to work out. On top of that, you’ll be putting yourself in a position where you’ll be inclined to ‘force it’ to work when it really shouldn’t. That’s always an issue. And I’m speaking from the experience of having moved in with a girlfriend too early… twice.


so you think there’s a chance she just wanted my body and i want the relationship more than her?


not really that.

I don’t know man, it’s just such a hard thing to move somewhere for a person. My ex wife moved from Colorado to Texas to be with me. And it certainly wasn’t just a physical thing. We loved each other very much. And we talked online/on the phone for about 9 months before she moved. We saw each other in person twice prior to her moving as well. My opinion of the relationship is that we would not have gotten married if she hadn’t moved to be with me in the first place. We really, really wanted to make things work because we entered the relationship with a heavy investment. I think we could have been more honest in assessing the negatives in our relationship if that hadn’t been the case. Basically, I’m saying that it’s possible that your sort of situation can work, the odds just are very much against you, and in my opinion, I would avoid it. I absolutely get where you’re coming from though (probably for the first time since you’ve posted here, lol).


I appreciate your advice, and you have a lot of valid points. I think i’ll just take it steady as she goes, there have been cases where this sort of thing works out but you are right it could be against me. The other thing though is that she has had sex numerous times before I came on the scene and if she just wanted sex she could easily get it, we are familiar enough with each other’s personality and dig each other enough that I think there are slightly more chances of it going somewhere. I’ll be slow and patient and realistic.

I still consider it progress, I mean, orgasms are meant to be shared, I preferred sex to a night on RedTube and my hand to be honest


Sex releases oxytocin, which is thought to “cause” connection and a myriad of other emotions. Your brain can’t be trusted right now. Guys often make phenominally bad decisions when they’re getting laid.

Since this is a potentially life altering situation I would ask you to sit down and make a Pro/Con list. Make a list about moving as if the woman didn’t exist at all. If you can come up with a solid case for living abroad that doesn’t involve her then go. That way if you don’t like living there or if it doesn’t work out you won’t resent her. Nothing eats at a couple like resentment.

Here’s the catch. You need someone who you trust with your life (friend, dad) to help you with this choice. Have them review the list with you to make sure you aren’t rationalizing. Remember that your brain can’t be trusted.


Do you know what her intentions are?

Because thats where things can get sideways really quickly.

Here’s a little tidbit to consider- My wife and I were married for about 2 years. All of the stars aligned, and it was time to buy a house, make comfy and start planning for having a kid or two. So we contact a real estate agent and started looking. There were a lot of houses on the market. Some really nice ones, some kinda meh, anyways- a lot to choose from. In that search, one really caught my eye. Great price, nice neighborhood/schools, rock solid construction, close to shopping and transportation- just great. So we keep looking a little more but I’m pretty sure we found a winner.

Her birthday was coming up, and I had the most awesome idea ever- To buy her a house for her birthday! So I contacted the realtor and he wrote up the papers. I rolled them up and wrapped them in a nice little bow, and presented them to her with a big “Happy Birthday!”. She was pretty happy. Then as time went on and a few arguments broke out- it became clear that she wasn’t as happy as I originally thought. In fact, she was pissed. What kind of ingrate doesn’t appreciate that?

Well it turns out that it wasn’t just about what I thought. She was angry that I made such a BIG decision without her. But in my mind it was great! It turns out that what I did was dressed up my intentions as something that was great for her- without bothering to check with her about how she felt.

Granted, when I make mistakes, they tend to be on the enormous side- and maybe other people are a little more considerate and less capable of self deception of that magnitude- But you Really need to make sure that you’re both on the same page with what you’re thinking about this whole thing.

Oh, and all of those stars that had aligned? Turns out that they change on a regular basis.


well no kidding, lol. sex is great.

I loved a ton of things about my ex. I loved that she came from a different life perspective than me. She was artsy and creative, incredibly social and fun to be around. she threw great parties, decorated well, we laughed at each others’ jokes, we consistently knew how to make each other smile. All of the things that I liked about her are things I still like about her.

The problem is that we didn’t work well together on more basic, day-to-day levels. we took great vacations, had great parties, etc. and we loved each others company. But I always felt like she didn’t pull her own weight with things like basic household things, that she complained too much about me not getting projects done for her, etc. And eventually the day to day issues were the wedge that divided us. I eventually realized that no matter how much I loved her, I wouldn’t be happy with the way we worked together, and that caused me more stress and unhappiness than I was willing to endure.

Basement_gainz is right. You need to sleep on this, for a long time. I think you should have sex with at least one more person. Even try to fall in love with someone else. See what all that feels like. See what feels similar, what feels different. That kind of thing. Your experiences are just so limited in terms of this level of engagement with women, that your perspective is skewed. I appreciate how receptive you’ve been over time on these forums, and the progress you’ve made is killer. Seriously, you seem to be in a MUCH better place now. I’m sure everyone can see it, and I don’t see your personality wearing us down like it used to :wink: keep us posted man. At the very least, we can be a sounding board for you.


I have a semi-relevant story to this:

Friend of mine was never much of a hit with the ladies. That’s an understatement, actually; it was downright painful to watch. He’d get shit faced, like really shit faced, and try and move on the hottest chicks who were so far out of his league it was just embarrassing.

For years not even the slightest hint of any female interest, to the point where it just became a regular part of our lives; watching him crash and burn.

One day he decides to expand his horizons, buys a one-way ticket to Canada and fucks off. I don’t hear from him for like a year.

Then he’s back with a spring in his step! Going travelling was the best thing ever for him; he was confident, happier; he’d really come into is own. The crazy thing was - he’d gotten laid! It was hard to believe at first, but he wasn’t just getting ruined and hitting on the out-of-his-league chicks anymore. It was a newfound confidence that could only have come from his putting his penis in something human, but as the months went on his lack of game started to return, so he did the only thing he could - booked another plane ticket, this time to Australia.

It all seemed fair enough, until he let slip that the chick he’d gotten with in Canada just so happened to be going to Australia at the same time as him. Now, I’m not saying he went to Oz purely because the one human being seemingly willing to have sex with him was there, but we all kind of knew it (without anyone ever actually saying it).

So off he goes to the land down under, whereupon he meets his lady love. She’s been travelling around Australia…

…with her boyfriend. A fact she’d neglected to mention when she’d told him she’d be there.

So he got to be the spare prick travelling around Oz with this girl and her man. Weird thing is he did it for months before going his own way.

Ok, so maybe not the most relevant story, but it sure tickles the hell out of me!


Well, to be fair, the person I was a year and a half ago, two years, whatever it was I was posting is so different from who I am now that it is laughable. I had a lot of experiences that forged my drive, funny thing is I feel like it was more pain and learning from repeated failure than actual confidence. As I learned, I could be confident all I wanted to but if I didn’t have anything to back it up I was dead in the water with women.

With that came the realization that rejection happens and it happens to everybody. Even far more buff, rugged guys than me get rejected. Lots of chicks like them too, probably the type who reject me but the difference now is that I don’t internalize it or think I am the one who sucks.

I think being confident is having the average sized cock and if a girl says you are too small, offer your fist or say go look for a donkey cock. Inwardly of course, outwardly saying might result in a very sore face later.

And being raised a Catholic, for the longest time, I pontificated and thought that there was only one chance, one first time and that karma or something would curse me for indulging lust. I’m not kidding. But eventually I concluded that that journey of intense self preservation was actually selfish in a way, bizarre and cutting me off from living life. Not that I will ever be a fuckboy like my neighbor who fucks a different girl every week. No judgement on him, just not my cup of tea. But I just made a decision I guess. Experience is key, a therapist I had a long time ago and was telling me to have sex for experience, relationships, etc, essentially what you are saying NOW, when I was 18. Took me years to actually heed the advice.

I still have a kind of dorky vibe. The nice thing is she thinks it is sexy :smiley:


That sounds like me, I have a lot of painful memories of my early college days getting drunk and trying to seem cool and it being an absolute train wreck. I was still going to bars around the time I was talking to this girl but definitely staying a bit more sober and conscious and being more mild.

I had girls say I was attractive but a lot of them read into my insecurity early on and it was as unattractive as a guy who had just had an acid attack on his face.

That insecurity, at a very fundamental, got ground out of me after I FELT, not realized, that it was what was slowly killing me. I’m not talking about contingent confidence, I’m talking about a basic decision you make to stand behind yourself.

I have more facial hair than I did but as it turns out I didn’t need a beard to get laid. I sure hope so anyway, because I would like to think that what I recently did was get laid o_O


In a past life I was in sales. A guy named Tommy Hopkins made a lot of money selling cars, and later books, with the simple phrase, "Learn to love the word “No!”

If you have a 10% success rate, collect the “No’s” and realize that when you get to nine, the next one is going to be a “Yes!”

So, my son, learn to love the word No!





My father was in sales as well and he tells the sales contest story.

First place gets a $5 blow job.

Last place gets a chance to earn $5.


Oh another thing, on a relevant point to this board, science tells me that baldness is linked to testosterone. I definitely have started losing more hair since feeling / being sexually active. That is normal right


That is an example of correlation. You are losing hair because you are getting older and predisposed to baldness.

Arnie still has a full head of hair. I am fairly certain he has more testosterone than most of eastern Europe.


good advice so far. Thank you!


Nizoral shampoo. Expensive, but it helps with androgenic hair loss.


Seriously this right here…WTF TN?

She could be your wife…or she could be a pain in your ass for a few months of your life. But fucking take a deep breath and sleep on it for more than 3 weeks!

It was always sad to see friends sign a 1yr lease on an apt with a gf of one month, then two months later they are stuck in the apt in a shitty relationship.

I’d say wait at least 6mo or so before moving in together. My gf of 5yrs moved in 1.5yrs after we first dated and I haven’t kicked her out yet, in fact she’s earned her way to a ring in her near future.


I’ve never understood you guys who can just bang any chick you get a chance with. I literally physically can not have sex unless I actually care about the girl I’m with.

Ok now to the OP. Your young, you found a girl you like, just go have an adventure! You don’t have any kids right? No obligations here at home? If you answered no to both of those questions, go buy a ticket tonight.