Just Lost My Virginity at 23

Off Topic
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I already knew this from your posts. You can’t hide much with the amount of detail you are writing in your posts and those of us who have some social and psychological acuity know the deal.

And you say psychotherapy is worthless even though you are severely depressed. Just because some quack therapist advised you to masturbate doesn’t mean they all suck! I went to a therapist at 17 and saw him til he retired last spring, 20 years later! I was actually bummed when he retired. The man saw me from 17 to 37 years old. That’s something!

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Get off your ass and earn something.

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Yeah it’s definitely not worthless, but I need to start finding things to channel this inner agitation in a better way, and not all therapists are equipped to really handle the repressed sexual energy of a young man IMO.

So, the old “lazy, entitled, slacker millenial” ploy. Classy

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Putting the blame on anything, be it yourself or others, gets you nowhere.

Placing blame is probably up there as one of the more useless things people can do.

Placing blame and identifying issues are two VERY different things.

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You are all over the damn place! Several posts above you stated it is worthless and brought up the example of a quack telling you to masturbate. Something tells me this therapist told you more than that within the course of a 45 to 60 minute session!

I highly doubt that this guy was thinking of beating up on a stereotypical lazy millennial–if this stereotype has any weight or not considering I think it’s not stereotypical of most millennial and there are just as many bums amongst boomers and Gen-Xer’s in my observation, especially boomers!

Anyway, you don’t want to seek therapy, you have warped views on women and the world, you continue to smoke pot while having ridiculous notions about drugs offering awesome introspective experiences, and continue to engage in public self-deprecation in what I think are attempts for people to agree with your rationalizations on why you can’t get women or what you want in life.

I already said, and there are others that can sympathize, that these days, the dating game can be a nightmare, and the economy does not favor people of your kind and skill level (hint, hint, if you can even take a hint considering you individualistic outlook on this earth and the people who inhabit it and scattered mind).

As I said over and over, there are people similar to you and also far stupider than you who found women and made friends and even married and had families.

Get off the fucking TV and PUA sites which give false notions that a man has to be special to find a woman and have friends.

The guy above is right actually. At your stage, you might have to earn some ordinary things that others don’t have to think about. From what you reveal here, you, as I said repeatedly, seem very spacey, and I think there’s no wonder you can fit in somewhere. Most people cannot relate to what you speak of, not because they are callous, but because even nice people can’t relate either! Maybe you can get the fuck out there and actually listen to other people when they speak… about anything! Engage in some recreation. Watch a fucking movie, go to a concert or ball game here and there. Do something and try to communicate with people and knock off this shit about others not being as deep as you. Yeah, they likely aren’t so damn deep, nor do they want to. I myself USED TO be deeper! Now I am actually too fucking tired from work and recreation and obligations to be. When I’m socializing, I might get passionate about a topic but I peter out much more quickly than I used to. People want to have some freaking fun and connect with others rather than pay attention rambling on a stream of consciousness!

OK, I am done for now. You’re one dense dude, and although I write to you because I truly empathize and sympathize with you, I don’t think there’s any wonder why other men can get highly irritated with you!

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That’s all fair enough, it’s just pretty soul crushing. Don’t think that I think I’m some special butterfly or something and that entitles me to anything, I’m not that delusional. I don’t make make a habit of reading PUA but it actually doesn’t say individuality gets you anywhere, it’s usually about more physical stuff about yourself or your mannerisms. Needless to say, I fail in both.

But if there is, in fact, a game, it’s a stupid one anyway. It’s like marketing yourself like a product being sold on TV. If I’m thinking in that way about me I think it means I am not talking to the right women nor respecting myself enough. Not sure if I believe in self love but I do believe in self respect.

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What did I say here that is soul crushing? That it is particularly hard out there for dating and making money for many people these days?

Where the hell did I allude to this? Once again, there you go in a different direction!

Where the hell did I even speak of PUA and individualism in the same sentence or paragraph or speak of any connection between the two! What is wrong with you?!

Yeah, you seem to fail in both. You take a drug regularly (weed once in awhile wouldn’t be so bad) and you likely have no idea how to listen to people as you show by not comprehending anything I write.

Normal people don’t engage in this stupid game!

You’re just too damn complicated for me. I wish you well. Take care.

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I guess I have a hard time expressing myself clearly. Peace.

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You express yourself fine. But you do so in a way that implies that you do not comprehend what others write. And I said repeatedly before, I assume you likely do not comprehend what others say or do not listen to others and respond to their statements appropriately in real life off the Internet. I very well might be wrong, but that’s what I sense. And it’s likely landing to your issues. I’m in no way dismissing one’s suffering in extreme depression, but you should try to take something me necessary measures!

And it’s not a matter of self respect. Most people have neither high or low self esteem or respect! They just go about their lives doing what ordinary people do!

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It’s just something I have to deal with, sometimes something someone says reminds me of something else and I go off on a tangent. You’re not the first person who has noticed it. It just means I have a very active brain and something of an inability to focus on anything.

Would it explain anything if I told you I was raised a Catholic and as such I struggle with the morality surrounding the very topic of sexuality?

I’d be lying if I said I was truly making every single possible effort to get laid / have a girlfriend, because something holds me back and it has to do with intent. I am a believer in karma.

So while I piss and moan about all of it I can’t say I am really backing it up with how I am living my life. You have my apologies for that. I’m just lost, as are many.

I wish I could just be like any other college guy who has sex as much as possible and lives in the moment and doesn’t worry about it.

If it reassures you at all, I am laying off weed for a good while. I had a very bad trip the other day, people say you cannot trip on weed…well, I did, and it was no fun. Think like racing anxiety and nightmarish hallucination stuff. This is not helping me at all, it’s messing up a mind that is still learning important things and causing me to create problems in my head that do not exist.

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That right there is a great idea. I was about the same age (23) when one day I took a few tokes and it was like the air was sucked right out of the room. It completely backfired. Tried again a couple days later, same thing. Left it alone for a few years and took a couple tokes with an old friend- same thing.

It’s like a switch flicks and not only does it no longer work, but its just terrible. Haven’t touched it since.

And congrats on that honesty a few posts back. Admitting something like that is a good step in the right direction.

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I’m not swearing it off but definitely being more smart about when, why and how I use it. I think wherever you are in life and why you do it translates into its effects on you. That said I think it was just some bad grass. Not convinced it was just pot, either. That’s also a big danger these days.

I believe in being honest if nothing else, and it takes balls to say that I have moral issues with something seemingly so simple as attempting to get laid because that hesitation seems pussyish or unmanly. As I’ve mentioned before my dad encouraged me to find someone with a legitimate connection, but a few years later he said there was nothing wrong with “sleeping with girls” as he put it. I’m still trying to read between the lines.

And yes it seems trite to be hung up on sex when there is so much more to being a man, but…23 is young but not a spring chicken either, and not to be arrogant but I think the way I feel alone and lacking is justified

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That “get off your ass and earn something” advice garnered a defensive and dismissive reaction from you… which is unfortunate.

What its really saying is what others here have been repeatedly advising: get out in the world, get busy interacting with others and just start getting shit done.

Satisfaction, sociability and extra cash are all guaranteed to increase, and all you’ve gotta do is stay busy.

EDIT - One last thing about dating/women: 23-year old MEN are a far-from-finished product. Whether it’s career, life experience, or even physical development… you’re not nearly as attractive as you’ll be at 28. Or 33. But you need to keep progressing to get there, and spending time in over-analysis – especially when you’ve barely begun to experience life – is not the way it works.

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I only said that because I have worked for everything i have (a lot of SHITTY work many privileged college kids never have to experience, i might add) and I also know what it means to be down and out. I lost my house and job last year, lost money, homeless for two weeks and was living in a shack in the woods that I rented from a Mennonite farm family for a hundred bucks a month until I was able to get work and drop first month’s rent.

I’m just pre-sensitized to dismissive people but I apologize. A guy who used to be my friend told me that all my dreams did was having me flip burgers and push carts at Walmart, both of which I have done. For that comment alone, he is no longer my friend.

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[quote=“dave670, post:313, topic:225917”]
I’m not swearing it off but definitely being more smart about when, why and how I use it. I think wherever you are in life and why you do it translates into its effects on you. That said I think it was just some bad grass. Not convinced it was just pot, either. That’s also a big danger these days.[/quote]
Don’t be silly. Nobody wastes a more powerful and expensive drug by dumping it on weed and selling it for the same price.

Really? I was referring to your admission of actually being depressed, which is what all of this is actually about.

So back to honesty- You started this thread under the false pretense of being 23. You are not. You have repeatedly referred to yourself as such- knowing full well that you are not.

You have repeatedly lied about your actual condition and motives more times than anybody can even count at this point, and dodge the advice to seek therapy by acting like it wasn’t even there.

It’s not that you’re spacy, oblique and deep. Its that you are patently dishonest and would rather act like you didn’t hear a lot of things.

So Cut the shit man. Quit acting like you aren’t self medicating, don’t see these repeated advisement’s, and are some deep thinking brooding artist/genius.

Get your ass to an NA meeting. I guarantee that you’ll find out in the first five minutes how un-original your terminally unique shtick really is.

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If it is weed, calling it a shtick as if it is something I am consciously putting on is a bit insulting, don’t you think?

Whenever you take something that alters your mind, that mind is no longer your own. And that’s why I need to be sober until I know the difference

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No. It is not insulting to call you on this endless stream of bullshit, which is what I was doing- And you know that.

There is a saying- “You can’t fix your head with your own head”. It’s like trying to use broken tools to fix a broken machine.

And you don’t get to forfeit responsibility for taking a couple of tokes when you were not under the influence when you took them. In fact, you don’t get to forfeit at all.

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I’m a bit confused, but instead of trying to figure it out and explain that attempting to forfeit responsibility is not the reason I smoke pot (you think I haven’t heard that before?) I’m just going to say I don’t care, namaste, hakuna matata, whatever and leave it the fuck alone. I’m not upset at you, you’re right about a lot of things but you just misunderstand me on other levels. But that’s irrelevant. I think there’s enough take-away here for me to live on by this point and I need to apply it

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Bullshit. There is no misunderstanding at some deep level, because there is no deep level. You aren’t that deep. As you may have noticed, no one started this thread asking you for advice.

I’ve been where you are, however, you have not been where I am.

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Maybe I don’t want to be. That isn’t a reason for me to have to feel inferior