Just. Don't. Suck. Vol. 2

I’ve shot two guns in my life. First was a .22 rifle (no clue if I’m naming that correctly), which to me, felt like barely more than my childhood BB gun.

Second was a 9mm S&W pistol (again, is that the right name?). That was actually just last week, and man was it more than I was expecting. Right ear was ringing all night and I was glad that out of caution I gripped it harder than I really thought I needed to, because it was definitely more than I expected based on the size of the thing. I’m assuming that as far as guns go, that’s a pretty tame one to use, haha, but it caught me off guard.

Both belonged to my buddy, who’s a farm boy who grew up with guns, but I’ve not been around them much in my life. Kinda wanna get better at it now, though.



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5.7.21 Blah

120 x 5
125 x 5
145 x 5
165 x 5

65 x 10
85 x 10 x 3

90 x 10
135 x 10
180 x 10 x 2

Phoned this one in. Two nights ago, a former co-worker of mine was shot in the face while working as a security guard at a convenience store. I can’t say that we were friends because we didn’t talk much, but I felt a strong bond with him. He had strong faith in Jesus and he shared that. He tried to see where he was supposed to be and follow. I found out that he died a couple hours ago. I’ve felt nauseous ever since. I can’t get it out of my head. I hoped training would help but it didn’t. It feels like it’s getting harder and harder to recover from life’s punches. I used to not be affected much by these things, but this one hurts deeply.


Sorry to hear that. As horrible as it is, it must reinforce your desire to leave law enforcement and all its related roles.


Will be praying for you, J/Frank.

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Sorry man.

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Well, I guess I’m going to hit the reset button and start over. I injured my back today on my top set of deadlifts. That seems fitting with my mental state. I don’t feel like training. I was going to force a back workout and this is what happens.

I feel better about my co-worker’s death. I looked at his FB page and it’s filled with stories about how he impacted other people’s lives. He was always working for God. I’m getting closer to being at peace with his death. I also feel like I’m doing nothing with my life by comparison.


Ouch. You’re having a heck of a time on all fronts.

I feel for you man, and wish you the best.

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Sorry to hear about that man.

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I’m really sorry to hear about your former coworker. It’s hard because we want there to be a reason for thing, but it’s near impossible to assign ration to something like this. I don’t have any real advice for you other than to be ok feeling however you feel about it - some days it will hurt and other days you may even feel guilty that it’s not hurting. You have a strong faith and sense of purpose, and I think those will be sources of strength for you.

You’ve had a brutal year+ and I’m sorry this kind of thing is keeping it going.

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Man that’s super rough, really sorry to hear that, will keep you in my prayers.

This is so amazing and important. I went to a funeral (online) of my bosses wife, I’d never met her in person but man her funeral was outstanding - story after story of her faith, her prayerfulness, witness, evangelising and building others up, the people she touched with her life is just the absolute best legacy you could ever have. Never experienced a funeral like it, cried most of the way through despite not knowing her!

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Sorry to hear about your coworker and now your back injury. Hopefully the injury wont set you back too much. Stay strong mate.

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I appreciate the condolences, men. I’ve been struggling with the world and this just adds to that. The world is full of injustice and my brain wants to make sense of that and fix it. But I can’t. Humans are imperfect and this is literally the devil’s playground. Bad things happen and there’s no reason for it.

My struggles are accepting the world and people the way God does. Paul wrote one third of the Bible, but if I’d met him as Saul then I would’ve tried to kill him. My human brain can’t forgive like God can. After they arrested Will’s killer, I thought of how I’d enjoy a few minutes in a room with nothing be me, him, and a sledge hammer. That’s not forgiveness. I know that if that person asked God to save him and forgive him then he would in an instant. But I’m here feeling like anything short of a death sentence is injustice. I don’t know if I’ll ever shake these thoughts but I’ll pray for it every day. It only causes anger.

On a training related note, I’m calling an audible again. I’m going to do 5/3/1 for the usual lifts and then just wing it from there. I’m going back to my old way of training - a bro split. 5/3/1 works with that and my goals.

  • Squat day will obviously be leg day.
  • Bench day will be chest day.
  • Deadlift day will be back day.
  • Press day will be shoulders.

I have several months of Tier Three Tactical training that combines bodybuilding with CrossFit. Each session is finished with a WOD of sorts. I can use those for conditioning. I was going to do an 8 minute AMRAP of 5 pull ups and 5 hang cleans today. I also need to jump back on the elliptical. Running will be a bonus.

The path is unchanged. I’m still trying to not suck. Thanks to @kleinhound I have this rating scale to guide me.


One of my best friends’ older sister and grandmother were killed when a drunk driver slammed into the back of their family’s minivan, early in the morning. My friend’s mom wrote the driver a letter in prison, forgiving her for killing her daughter and mother. She went on Oprah to talk about it, the episode’s still available. It’s always stayed with me - the courage it takes to forgive like that, and the power it gives you over evil when you don’t let it infect you.


I have not dealt with the same things you have, but i do understand the struggle to forgive like God does. You hit the nail on the head when you said its the Devils playground. Bad stuff happens, we cant make sense of things like God can, and its very hard to forgive. Im sorry that you are wrestling with yourself so to speak.


That’s a tough deal mate, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with it.

I’m sure with time and prayer you’ll work through it.

All credit to that scale goes to Dave Tate haha

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Sorry to hear this news @Frank_C mate. Thoughts are with you during this time

In the words of Winston Churchill

‘If you’re going through hell, keep going’


Reread your first log if you think you aren’t doing anything with your life. Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time. On the other hand, a lot of guys likely compare themselves to you. and they probably come up lacking.


We might seem like faceless dudes on the internet, but we’re all here for you, buddy. Keep reaching out and letting us know how you’re doing.


5.11.21 C7 W1 D1 - OHP

45 x 10
95 x 5
105 x 5
120 x 5
BW x 10 x 3 sets
These felt good for a change.

95 x 11+3+3+3+2

30 x 12+3+3+3+2

140 x 20+5+5+5 (really 3+2 with some momentum)

150 x 20
160 x 20
170 x 15

Went to the chiropractor after this. Legs are off limits for the week. I guess I don’t have an excuse not to use my elliptical or Airdyne. Doc thinks I spared myself any damage to my discs. He said the issue was more with my L5 than my SI joint. I guess that little booger likes to twist itself.

I’m not really sure how to approach this in terms of 5/3/1 cycles. I guess I’ll just keep progressing with OHP and bench and go back to last cycle’s weights when I start doing deads and squats again. I still think I like the idea of box squats for a main lift. I don’t think I’m going to be able to load up the belt squats for heavy-ish sets of five.