[quote]Nards wrote:
Did you hear about the Polish lesbian?
She likes guys.[/quote]
Did you hear about the Blonde Polish lesbian?
She doesn’t know who she likes.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook, so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
A guy walks into a jewelry store with this hot blonde. He says to the jeweler, I want to see your finest piece. The jeweler brings out this $1,000 bracelet. The guy says, “I don’t think you understand, I want to see your finest piece of jewelry.” The jeweler says okay, and brings back this beautiful $5,000 necklace. The man irritated at this point, repeats his request. “I want to see your FINEST piece of jewelry you have in this damn place.” The jeweler goes back to the safe, brings out this exquisite $10,000 diamond ring.
The man writes to jeweler a check and says, “Now, I know what your are going to think, that the check is bad. That’s why I’m going to leave the check and the ring with you. On Monday morning when the check clears, I’ll be in to get the ring.” The jeweler is ecstatic and says absolutely and thanks the man for his business.
On Monday, the jeweler calls the man and says furiously, “What the hell, the check didn’t clear, you didn’t have any money for that ring!” The man replies, “I know, but I had one hell of a weekend!”
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Did you hear about the new French main battle tank?
It has five speeds: one forward and four reverse.
The one forward gear is in case they are attacked from behind.
[/quote]
Funny, but don’t forget the French lost nearly 5% of their entire population in the First World War and people weren’t laughing at the French at the beginning of the 19th century - a crazy plague(revolution) transformed into a death machine by a little Corsican man who had a keen interest in strategy and the art of war. Both sides in the American Civil War studied his tactics via Jomini and Clausewitz. In fact his campaigns are still studied at West Point today in this textbook(albeit it has been abridged several times since its first publication):
Also a fellow named Charlemagne sort of ate up most of Western Europe and sent the Saracens running from Spain and the Lombards from Italy.
Its a joke thread…
someone did not get the memo.
[quote]USMCpoolee wrote:
Its a joke thread…[/quote]
Funny, but don’t forget that a joke is something spoken, written, or done with humorous intention. Jokes may have many different forms, e.g., a single word or a gesture (considered in a particular context), a question-answer, or a whole short story. The word “joke” has a number of synonyms, including wisecrack, gag, prank, quip, jape and jest. To achieve their end, jokes may employ irony, sarcasm, word play and other devices. Jokes may have a punch line, i.e. an ending to make it humorous.
Also, a practical joke or prank differs from a spoken joke in that the major component of the humour is physical rather than verbal (for example placing salt in the sugar bowl). Jokes are typically for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have “fallen flat” or “bombed”. However, jokes have other purposes and functions, common to comedy/humour/satire in general.
[quote]SexMachine wrote:
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Did you hear about the new French main battle tank?
It has five speeds: one forward and four reverse.
The one forward gear is in case they are attacked from behind.
[/quote]
Funny, but don’t forget the French lost nearly 5% of their entire population in the First World War and people weren’t laughing at the French at the beginning of the 19th century - a crazy plague(revolution) transformed into a death machine by a little Corsican man who had a keen interest in strategy and the art of war. Both sides in the American Civil War studied his tactics via Jomini and Clausewitz. In fact his campaigns are still studied at West Point today in this textbook(albeit it has been abridged several times since its first publication):
Also a fellow named Charlemagne sort of ate up most of Western Europe and sent the Saracens running from Spain and the Lombards from Italy.[/quote]
You are referring of course to Napoleone Buonaparte, the scion of Italian nobility who crowned himself king of Italy?
And to Karl der Grosse, the Germanic knight born in Belgium?
Those are the Frenchmen you are talking about?
I know, the French are no pussies. But as has been said, this is a joke thread, and if you can’t exploit inaccurate cultural stereotypes, then how many jokes do you have at your disposal, after all?
I mean, Clausewitz was one of the greatest military minds of all time, and he was practically Polish! Does that mean no more stupid Polish military jokes, too?
[quote]super saiyan wrote:
[quote]USMCpoolee wrote:
Its a joke thread…[/quote]
Funny, but don’t forget that a joke is something spoken, written, or done with humorous intention. Jokes may have many different forms, e.g., a single word or a gesture (considered in a particular context), a question-answer, or a whole short story. The word “joke” has a number of synonyms, including wisecrack, gag, prank, quip, jape and jest. To achieve their end, jokes may employ irony, sarcasm, word play and other devices. Jokes may have a punch line, i.e. an ending to make it humorous.
Also, a practical joke or prank differs from a spoken joke in that the major component of the humour is physical rather than verbal (for example placing salt in the sugar bowl). Jokes are typically for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have “fallen flat” or “bombed”. However, jokes have other purposes and functions, common to comedy/humour/satire in general.[/quote]
Well done. And Varq if I can’t make Polish military jokes I dont know how I’ll razz my Polish buddies. What with insanely quick invasions and all…
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
[quote]SexMachine wrote:
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Did you hear about the new French main battle tank?
It has five speeds: one forward and four reverse.
The one forward gear is in case they are attacked from behind.
[/quote]
Funny, but don’t forget the French lost nearly 5% of their entire population in the First World War and people weren’t laughing at the French at the beginning of the 19th century - a crazy plague(revolution) transformed into a death machine by a little Corsican man who had a keen interest in strategy and the art of war. Both sides in the American Civil War studied his tactics via Jomini and Clausewitz. In fact his campaigns are still studied at West Point today in this textbook(albeit it has been abridged several times since its first publication):
Also a fellow named Charlemagne sort of ate up most of Western Europe and sent the Saracens running from Spain and the Lombards from Italy.[/quote]
You are referring of course to Napoleone Buonaparte, the scion of Italian nobility who crowned himself king of Italy?
And to Karl der Grosse, the Germanic knight born in Belgium?
Those are the Frenchmen you are talking about?
I know, the French are no pussies. But as has been said, this is a joke thread, and if you can’t exploit inaccurate cultural stereotypes, then how many jokes do you have at your disposal, after all?
I mean, Clausewitz was one of the greatest military minds of all time, and he was practically Polish! Does that mean no more stupid Polish military jokes, too?
[/quote]
After the division of Poland-Lithuania a lot of Polish nobility worked for Prussia.
Jajaja
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
You are referring of course to Napoleone Buonaparte, the scion of Italian nobility who crowned himself king of Italy?
[/quote]
Bonus points! He held command over a lot of Frenchmen though.
The Franks were of Germanic origin yes. As are the French. There would also be some Celtic blood in the mixture too but basically the French are descendents of Germanic tribes.
I didn’t suggest Napoleon was French. However the French revolution and the subsequent Napoleonic Wars involved many Frenchman. It’s true you know.
Polish jokes allowed. French too. The Poles take courage and mix it with stupidity. See their last cavalry charge against tanks.
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
[quote]SexMachine wrote:
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Did you hear about the new French main battle tank?
It has five speeds: one forward and four reverse.
The one forward gear is in case they are attacked from behind.
[/quote]
Funny, but don’t forget the French lost nearly 5% of their entire population in the First World War and people weren’t laughing at the French at the beginning of the 19th century - a crazy plague(revolution) transformed into a death machine by a little Corsican man who had a keen interest in strategy and the art of war. Both sides in the American Civil War studied his tactics via Jomini and Clausewitz. In fact his campaigns are still studied at West Point today in this textbook(albeit it has been abridged several times since its first publication):
Also a fellow named Charlemagne sort of ate up most of Western Europe and sent the Saracens running from Spain and the Lombards from Italy.[/quote]
You are referring of course to Napoleone Buonaparte, the scion of Italian nobility who crowned himself king of Italy?
And to Karl der Grosse, the Germanic knight born in Belgium?
Those are the Frenchmen you are talking about?
I know, the French are massive hairy pussies. But as has been said, this is a joke thread, and if you can’t exploit inaccurate cultural stereotypes, then how many jokes do you have at your disposal, after all?
[/quote]
fixed that for ya.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
Bunnies can fly, Mommy?
[/quote]
My daughter showed me that this weekend. Hilarity at its finest. There’s it mama.
[quote]dmaddox wrote:
[quote]pushharder wrote:
Bunnies can fly, Mommy?
My daughter showed me that this weekend. Hilarity at its finest. There’s it mama.[/quote]
I don’t care if it’s wrong that I found that hilarious.
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, â??Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.â?? The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, â??Nope, ain’t Stanley .â??
The mortician thought this was rather strange, So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, â??Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.â?? The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, â??No, it ain’t Stanley .â??
The mortician asked, â??How can you tell?â?? Gomer said, â??Well, Stanley had two ass-holes.â?? â??What! He had two ass-holes?â?? asked the mortician. â??Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, There’s Stanley with them two ass-holes.â??
[quote]Did you hear about the Polish lesbian?
She likes guys.[/quote]
Not trying to be poe-faced here, but people who make jokes about Polish women either don’t know what they’re talking about or are somehow averse to thin, fine-featured, tall, blonde women. In which case, it’s the speaker’s sexuality I’d be worried about.
[quote]Der_Steppenwolfe wrote:
[quote]Did you hear about the Polish lesbian?
She likes guys.[/quote]
Not trying to be poe-faced here, but people who make jokes about Polish women either don’t know what they’re talking about or are somehow averse to thin, fine-featured, tall, blonde women. In which case, it’s the speaker’s sexuality I’d be worried about.[/quote]
I am unable to tell what the faces in that cartoon are expressing 
No, seriously. It’s something the doctors are concerned about, I’m not making this up. Could someone give me the gist?
[quote]Der_Steppenwolfe wrote:
I am unable to tell what the faces in that cartoon are expressing
No, seriously. It’s something the doctors are concerned about, I’m not making this up. Could someone give me the gist?[/quote]
:‘( You’re both cunts :’(