T Nation

Jessica Lynch Captures Saddam

by Greg Palast

This week, Alternative Tentacles issued the spoken word CD, “Weapon of
Mass Instruction - Palast LIVE,” available at www.GregPalast.com

Former Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein was taken into custody yesterday
at 8:30p.m. Baghdad time. Various television executives, White House
spin doctors and propaganda experts at the Pentagon are at this time
wrestling with the question of whether to claim PFC Jessica Lynch seized
the ex-potentate or that Saddam surrendered after close hand-to-hand
combat with current Iraqi strongman Paul Bremer III.

Ex-President Hussein himself told US military interrogators that he had
surfaced after hearing of the appointment of his long-time associate
James Baker III to settle Iraq’s debts. “Hey, my homeboy Jim owes me big
time,” Mr. Hussein stated. He asserted that Baker and the prior Bush
regime, “owe me my back pay. After all I did for these guys you’d think
they’d have the decency to pay up.”

The Iraqi dictator then went on to list the “hits” he conducted on
behalf of the Baker-Bush administrations, ending with the invasion of
Kuwait in 1990, authorized by the former US secretary of state Baker.

Mr. Hussein cited the transcript of his meeting on July 25, 1990 in
Baghdad with US Ambassador April Glaspie. When Saddam asked Glaspie if
the US would object to an attack on Kuwait over the small emirate’s theft
of Iraqi oil, America’s Ambassador told him, “We have no opinion…
Secretary [of State James] Baker has directed me to emphasize the
instruction … that Kuwait is not associated with America.”

Glaspie, in Congressional testimony in 1991, did not deny the
authenticity of the recording of her meeting with Saddam which world diplomats
took as US acquiescence to an Iraqi invasion.

While having his hair styled by US military makeover artists, Saddam
listed jobs completed at the request of his allies in the Carter, Reagan
and Bush administrations for which he claims back wages:

1979: Seizes power with US approval; moves allegiance from Soviets to
USA in Cold War.

1980: Invades Iran, then the “Unicycle of Evil,” with US encouragement
and arms.

1982: Reagan regime removes Saddam’s regime from official US list of
state sponsors of terrorism.

1983: Saddam hosts Donald Rumsfeld in Baghdad. Agrees to “go steady”
with US corporate suppliers.

1984: US Commerce Department issues license for export of aflatoxin to
Iraq useable in biological weapons.

1988: Kurds in Halabja, Iraq, gassed.

1987-88: US warships destroy Iranian oil platforms in Gulf and break
Iranian blockade of Iraq shipping lanes, tipping war advantage back to

In Baghdad today, the US-installed replacement for Saddam, Paul Bremer,
appeared to acknowledge his predecessor Saddam’s prior work for the US
State Department when he told Iraqis, “For decades, you suffered at the
hands of this cruel man. For decades, Saddam Hussein divided you and
threatened an attack on your neighbors.”

In reaction to the Bremer speech, Mr. Hussein said, “Do you think those
decades of causing suffering, division and fear come cheap?” Noting
that for half of that period, the suffering, division and threats were
supported by Washington, Saddam added, “So where’s the thanks? You’d
think I’d at least get a gold watch or something for all those years on US

In a televised address from the Oval Office, George W. Bush raised
Saddam’s hopes of compensation when he cited Iraq’s “dark and painful
history” under the US-sponsored Hussein dictatorship.

Saddam was also heartened by Mr. Bush’s promise that, “The capture of
Saddam Hussein does not mean the end of violence in Iraq.” With new
attacks by and on US and other foreign occupation forces, the former
strongman stated, “It’s reassuring to know my legacy of darkness and pain
for Iraqis will continue under the leadership of President Bush.”

While lauding the capture of Mr. Hussein, experts caution that the War
on Terror is far from over, noting that Osama bin Laden, James Baker
and George W. Bush remain at large.

Greg Palast is the author of the New York Times bestseller, “The Best
Democracy Money Can Buy.” Subscribe to his columns for the Guardian
newspapers and view his reports for BBC Television at www.GregPalast.com


You can find everything you’d want to know about everybody’s favourite president at this guy’s site too.

Bush caught him with a plastic turkey when he was in Iraq.

GO AWAY. Monsieur Douchebag

this is retarded