[quote]Vicomte wrote:
[quote]DBCooper wrote:
Seriously, if I make it on there I am going to have one hard fucking time keeping a straight face during all of this.[/quote]
I’m pretty much a Jeopardy rockstar, but I decided a long while back that they would never let me on the show for this very reason.
Make sure you inflect all of your ‘answers’ to actually sound like real questions. I’ve never seen a contestant do this, but it would be fucking HILARIOUS.
Alex: ‘The material Shi Huangdi’s Underground Army is made of.’
DB, looking confused: ‘What IS terra cotta??’
Alex: ‘The real Mark Twain.’
DB, exasperated: ‘WHO IS SAMUEL CLEMENS!???’
Alex: ‘The only venomous mammal.’
DB, turning to the next contestant over, in earnest: ‘What is a platypus?’
The idea is to get all the answer/questions right, but to look completely fucking clueless the entire time. Epic win.[/quote]
Alex: Wagner’s first, but unfinished, opera.
DB Cooper: What the fuck is Die Laune des Verliebten?
Alex: That is correct.
DB Cooper: Bullshit. Really? Now what?
Alex: Uh, choose again.
DB Cooper: If you say so. Uh…uh…the second box from the left, bottom row.
Alex: Postmodern literature for $2000?
DB Cooper: Are you fucking deaf?
Alex: Okaaaaaaay. And you have landed on the Daily Double!
DB Cooper: Daily Double? MFF? Really?
Alex: MFF? What does…never mind, what do you wager?
DB Cooper: For an MFF? My sister. (waves toward the crowd)
Alex: A dollar amount please.
DB Cooper: Oh. Ummmm…$2,103.78
Alex: You have ten dollars.
DB Cooper: you just had to bring that up again, eh? Alright, I’ll play your game. Ten dollars.
Alex: This 1991 work, later starring Christian Bale in the titular role, was initially refused publication by Simon Schuster.
DB Cooper: I know that fucking book! What the fuck is American Psycho (a personal favorite)?
Alex: Yes, DB, that is correct. Select again.
DB Cooper: I can choose any category?
Alex: Yes, any category.
DB Cooper: Okay, how about the third box down, all the way to the right?
Alex: Acronyms for $1200?
DB Cooper: Am I not speaking English?
Alex: sigh. Acronyms for $1200. ATM.
DB Cooper: Really? Ass-to-mouth or it didn’t happen!
Alex: I’m sorry, we were looking for Automated Teller Machine.
DB Cooper: You’re not even that big. Who are you to tell me I’m wrong?
Alex: DB, you still have control of the board.
DB Cooper: Dr. Strangelove?
Alex: What?
DB Cooper: Oh fuck, sorry. What IS Dr. Strangelove?
Alex: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Select another category.
DB Cooper: I can’t choose the same one again?
Alex: Well, uh…yes, you can. I’m sorry.
DB Cooper: Don’t sweat it. I smoked a little weed before the show too. I’m gonna throw you a curve and choose Advanced Medicine for $2000.
Alex: and for this answer we have Kelly Miyahara at the National Space Biomedical Research Institute headquarters in Houston. Kelly?
Kelly: Here at the NSBRI, NASA has been working on groundbreaking…uh, breakthroughs in ultrasound technology in space through THIS study.
DB Cooper: (under his breath, which is becoming shallower and more labored) Boy, what I would do with that little slant-eye. If only Pushharder was here too.
Alex: DB?
DB Cooper: Yes Alex?
Alex: Hurry, you rang in, time is running out.
DB Cooper: (looks at the other two contestants) you guys don’t know this one? C’mon! WHAT IS the Advanced Diagnostic Ultrasound in Microgravity Study.
Alex: …holy shit. That is correct.
DB Cooper: No shit, Sherlock. That’s why I said it. What kind of asshole do you think I am? They don’t let just anyone on here.
Alex: Just, just choose again.
DB Cooper: Anything?
Alex: Yes, anything.
DB Cooper: How much for your daughter? I’ll give you $3220 for her after the show.