T Nation

Jealousy Sucks

Somebody is gonna paste a fail pic. I just know it.

I’ll post this anyway…

Does anybody ever feel like jealousy is fucking with their life?

I didn’t grow up with a whole lot. I had the basics (food, shelter, clothing), but my parents have basically made me pay for everything else (Car, Car insurance, College).

It is sort of fucking with me that there are a ton of people (The closest to me being my GF) who have had a lot of stuff just handed to them. She has her apartment, college, car, insurance, food, pretty much everything paid for by her parents.

I love her to death, but its causing some strain (It really is my problem, not hers. I don’t “blame” her for it) on everything.

She’s probably the reason I’m writing this, but I’m jealous of other people too. Maybe I should go see a shrink.

Flame on.

I fail to see how your situation is a bad thing? You learned a lot of valuable lessons early on (I was the same way) because your parents didn’t hand you everything.

Why be jealous? Be proud of what you’ve done.

[quote]Hadow Khan wrote:
Somebody is gonna paste a fail pic. I just know it.

I’ll post this anyway…

Does anybody ever feel like jealousy is fucking with their life?

I didn’t grow up with a whole lot. I had the basics (food, shelter, clothing), but my parents have basically made me pay for everything else (Car, Car insurance, College).

It is sort of fucking with me that there are a ton of people (The closest to me being my GF) who have had a lot of stuff just handed to them. She has her apartment, college, car, insurance, food, pretty much everything paid for by her parents.

I love her to death, but its causing some strain (It really is my problem, not hers. I don’t “blame” her for it) on everything.

She’s probably the reason I’m writing this, but I’m jealous of other people too. Maybe I should go see a shrink.

Flame on.[/quote]

Hey, at least you realize that it’s you and not others that’s causing you to feel this way.

It’s a part of life. Some people get everything handed to them and some people don’t. Take stock into the fact that when the shit hits the fan, that you won’t be the helpless guy wondering what to do.

The thing is, when you start to not appreciate what you have, life will give you a reality check, then it’s sink or swim.

[quote]Hadow Khan wrote:

I didn’t grow up with a whole lot. I had the basics (food, shelter, clothing), but my parents have basically made me pay for everything else (Car, Car insurance, College).
[/quote]

Luxury.

People like you make me sick. You had it all and all you can do is complain.

I had to get up in the morning at ten o’clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing “Hallelujah.”

Kids these days just don’t know how lucky they are.

You need to learn to be grateful for what you have.

Do you know 1/3 of the entires worlds population don’t have access to sanitation and clean drinking water. And here you are complaining cos you had to buy your own fucking car like most people do?

My parents helped me some, but I refuse most of the time because I would rather do things for myself, you learn so much more that way. There is nothing wrong with parents helping there children out as much as possible.

All you need to do is when you catch yourself thinking about this stuff, just forget about it and think of something else.

[quote]Hadow Khan wrote:
Somebody is gonna paste a fail pic. I just know it.

I’ll post this anyway…

Does anybody ever feel like jealousy is fucking with their life?

I didn’t grow up with a whole lot. I had the basics (food, shelter, clothing), but my parents have basically made me pay for everything else (Car, Car insurance, College).

It is sort of fucking with me that there are a ton of people (The closest to me being my GF) who have had a lot of stuff just handed to them. She has her apartment, college, car, insurance, food, pretty much everything paid for by her parents.

I love her to death, but its causing some strain (It really is my problem, not hers. I don’t “blame” her for it) on everything.

She’s probably the reason I’m writing this, but I’m jealous of other people too. Maybe I should go see a shrink.

Flame on.[/quote]

Hey Khan,

I would say the same thing but from an opposite standpoint.

My family paid for college, bought my cars, paid for everything. I have trust funds and stipends up my ass.

My husband from a kid was required to pay for everything he wanted, unless it came from Goodwill, including college, vehicles, clothes, sometimes even food, even as a kid.

Now, after six years of marriage, we both still have personal struggles in this area. I still have a difficult time really going after things which I want, but which come with difficulty, because I’ve had a lot handed to me. This doesn’t really work in the real world. He is a hard worker, but he has a hard time accepting things which come easily or are “handed out.” This also can jeopardize relationships, because altruism certainly is a very real factor in relationships.

Maturity in this context, as I’ve learned, is being able to respond responsibly within your own personal circumstance even when you compare them to other persons’ lives. I’m still learning this. And I do wish sometimes that I had the upbringing of some of my friends who had nothing and had to make it on their own, because I see the strengths in character which they have and I lack.

And in this context, yeah, the grass is always greener. I wish I had the discipline my hubby has learned. And he wishes he had the freedom I’ve had.

I hope this helps. I realize I’m sort of rambling about our realtionship, but it’s still true.

i struggle with this too sometimes, its like the hardgainer attitude…but like i’ve been learning in the gym, we all start at different places, but what we make of it from there is up to us…

besides…it is what it is…but only we have the power to be happy and content regardless of the situation…it makes no difference to anyone else, but you may aswell be happy since its a choice…

these simple (probably lame and cliche) thoughts actually help me alot, keeping shit in perspective and such, hope it helps

Couldn’t help it.

All my jealousy stems from female related shit.

“why is she fucking him but not me”, etc.

You have a wealth of experience and know the value of sweat equity.

I’d say you are ahead of the game in that area.

Probably the only thing you lack would be an appreciation for what you do have. With that it won’t matter where people come from, what they have, or how they got it.

I hope you don’t take this wrong but…Get over it.

From what your wrote, your childhood was luxury compared to mine. I understand the resentment, I dealt with that problem myself for many years but it’s just not worth it.

The turning point for me was having a kid. I work my ass off to make sure that my son has all of the things that I felt deprived of as a child, and I don’t feel that he’s going to be less than me just because he won’t have to get a job at McDonald’s in high school to steal frozen chicken breasts.

I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’d be really sad if you let this come between you and your girlfriend. People shouldn’t be faulted for having more generous parents.

“Do not handicap your children by making their lives too easy”

Lazarus Long

[quote]MarvelGirl wrote:

I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’d be really sad if you let this come between you and your girlfriend. People shouldn’t be faulted for having more generous parents.[/quote]

While I know what you’re saying, remember that having parents who are exceedingly generous often reflects in a person’s personality- i.e. arrogance, sense of entitlement, reluctance to work, materialistic, etc.

These will rear their ugly heads if they are there, and those can destroy a relationship.

This thread is somewhat serendipitous because I just wrote to someone else earlier today that I feel my parents gave me a lot in that they taught me how to work and how to land on my feet and roll with lifes punches. It’s the old ‘give a man a fish’ versus ‘teach a man to fish’ analogy. It sounds like you were fortunate enough to be taught how to fish.

It’s your parents job to teach you to live you life successfully and to survive well, not to spoonfeed you. If they’ve taught you to work to buy the car and the insurance, they’ve done what they are meant to do.

I will give you this head’s up though. I had a two year relationship with a man that was envious of the lifestyles of people who were born into wealthier families and had more material goods. He had a good life.
He could have had a much better life but his envy ate at him like an acid and I ended up breaking up with him because it made him pathetic and weak in my eyes. I really hope this isn’t you.

I honestly have big problems with people who think the way the OP does. First, everyone has their own problems to deal with. Whether you are aware of them or not is irrelevant.

I just had my car radio stolen from right out of my garage last night. I am sure the thief felt I had too much…so he took it. It was fairly expensive. I also worked hard for it and no one gave it to me. I earned it and now some jealous idiot decided to step in and grab it for himself.

People like the OP, those who focus so much on what other people have that they wish they had the same for themselves are the very ones who ask for society to feel sorry for them when they take advantage of others.

I didn’t grow up rich. My parents were barely making ends meet when I was a kid yet we never felt “poor”. They couldn’t afford to pay for all of the gifts I see some kids today take for granted.

I saw one MTV program about high school prom and these fools were paying thousands of dollars just so their kid could go out for one night. I don’t feel JEALOUS of people like that. I find that shallow. I think it will produce useless human beings who will believe the world owes them something. What is there to feel jealous about? The material shit?

People who become successful very often did not grow up that way. They saw what they wanted and ran after it. they sacrificed relationships and free time to get it.

For someone to only see the end product and want it for themselves (which is all jealousy is, the desire for someone else’s shit) is not only selfish but hateful.

If you want it, go earn it. Go study. Go work. Quit wishing someone gave it to you for free.

Quit being a pussy.

To live above comparison is to be beyond comparison. - J. Krishnamurti, ‘Freedom From the Known’

[quote]Professor X wrote:
I honestly have big problems with people who think the way the OP does. First, everyone has their own problems to deal with. Whether you are aware of them or not is irrelevant.

I just had my car radio stolen from right out of my garage last night. I am sure the thief felt I had too much…so he took it. It was fairly expensive. I also worked hard for it and no one gave it to me. I earned it and now some jealous idiot decided to step in and grab it for himself.
[/quote]

I doubt it had anything to do with jealousy or feeling that you “had too much”. Wealthier people are targeted simply because they have more valuable stuff. I bet the guy who stole your radio would happily steal from dirt poor people if it were more profitable.

I agree with the rest of what you wrote.

First our family was poor, then rich, now I’m poor again.

Having seen things from both sides, I have to say that getting pissed off/jealous at people over what they have is a gigantic waste of time. Particularly since many of them would be happy to share it freely if you’d only ask. A little polite mooching goes a long way towards making the universe seem like a happy and hospitable place again when you’re down on your luck, believe you me.

At least you have a girlfriend and (I assume) you’re getting laid on a semi-regular basis. If her sense of entitlement bothers you THAT much, stick it in her pooper. Problem solved.

A fail pic, a post from X calling you a pussy, and a call to stick it in her pooper. This thread is almost complete.

But seriously, no one gets away with getting everything and not ever having to struggle for something they want. Just because you can’t see those struggles doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Maybe they didn’t come yet but it’s not for you to judge them. You will be happy one day if these struggles you have now are the biggest ones, trust me.

[quote]Regular Gonzalez wrote:
Professor X wrote:
I honestly have big problems with people who think the way the OP does. First, everyone has their own problems to deal with. Whether you are aware of them or not is irrelevant.

I just had my car radio stolen from right out of my garage last night. I am sure the thief felt I had too much…so he took it. It was fairly expensive. I also worked hard for it and no one gave it to me. I earned it and now some jealous idiot decided to step in and grab it for himself.

I doubt it had anything to do with jealousy or feeling that you “had too much”. Wealthier people are targeted simply because they have more valuable stuff. I bet the guy who stole your radio would happily steal from dirt poor people if it were more profitable.

I agree with the rest of what you wrote.
[/quote]

While both points are valid, I’ve heard way too often from criminals that steal from richer people because “they have more than they deserve, and it’s not fair” - as if the better off person had everything handed to them without working for it.