T Nation

I've Been Bumped from Best Man


#1

I'm not sure about this so I'd figure I'd put it out there for some different opinions.

My buddy is getting married in May. This dude in particular is my best friend and has been for as long as I've been alive. Shit, our parents shared an apartment when I was born. We're more like brothers in fact and I'm also really close with his fiance. They've been together for 7 years now and we were all friends for a while before they got together.

So, it always went without saying that when they got married (we all knew it was coming) that I was going to be the best man. It was made official when he asked me to do just that, several years ago. They pushed the wedding back due to various reasons, including their daughter being born and last year they started seriously planning for this May.

Again, the wedding party was set in stone...I'm still the best man. We're only two weeks away from getting fitted for tux's and finalizing everything.

Well, on Saturday at my buddy's birthday party (I wasn't there; I had plans that night and his girl didn't let me know until the day before) he got wasted and gave my spot away!!!!! Like, seriously!? He made a joke with his grandfather that he was going to make him the best man and his grandfather took it seriously and got choked up/super happy. My boy told me about it that night and I'm like, "yeah, ok". Then he calls me on Monday and goes "Yo..about the wedding...I had to switch shit up. I made my grandfather the best man."

Of course, I didn't act like a bitch about it. I told him it was cool and it didn't bother me at all. But, the more I got to thinking about it the more it pisses me off. Do I have a right to be mad or affected by this bullshit? That's what it is, bullshit. You don't switch that kind of thing less than 3 months away from the damn wedding.

So, where this leaves me is being 2nd in line of a three man party. This also cuts one of our other good friends out so I'm thinking about backing out of the wedding all together. I mean, my spot was taken, not his.

Thoughts?


#2

I have never experienced this kind of problem, but I think you should get over it. It's a wedding, if HE wants his grandfather to do it then it's HIS choice. It's not like this is going to be the moment you'll remember him by for the rest of your life.

You could tell him how you feel but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Backing out of the wedding entirely will just fuck things up for everyone involved. Let him know you're not happy with his decision, but you'll be there anyway.

Exactly. You're gonna ruin your friendship because of this bullshit?


#3

It's the dude's GRANDFATHER. I think about my (dead) grandfathers every day.

Stop being a little bitch.


#4

Honestly, it is his grandfather... I wouldn't complain. You are still part of the wedding party and you know that you "really" are the original Best man.

what he should do is just add the extra groomsman to the wedding party, why not? then everyone is happy.


#5

There's really not much to get over. It didn't fuck my day up. I'm not even going to attempt to tell him that I don't agree with his decision because it's his decision. It's his wedding and his day, I was honored to get the nod but he doesn't owe me shit. My dilemma is that MY spot was taken...not our other friend's and if I know this other cat he's going to feel some sort of way about it. If I have to back out of the wedding it wouldn't ''hurt my feelings'' so to say but it would hurt this other dude. I'd still go of course and even give the speech if he wanted me to.

I have a feeling he or his wife to be will ask me if I'm really not upset with it. If they do I'll still tell em it's cool. I'm not gonna be a downer about it. I think I have a right to be like, wtf here though.


#6

maybe you should be the maid of honor. Dude, grow the fuck up.

As I was reading, I was on your side, and waiting for some new friend that came along or the fiance saying "could you make my brother the best man"... but the guy's grandfather? Who seemed to take it as quite an honor, get over it.

Perhaps you aren't as good of a friend as you think, otherwise it shouldn't bother you. and you're not a chick... are you?


#7

He did you a favor. Going TO a wedding is bad enough. Being IN the wedding (when it's not your own) is a pain in the ass.


#8

Just go with it. It's your boy's day so don't fuck it up and make it about you.


#9

Yes, and expensive.

To the assholes questioning my manhood on the situation...can you not comprehend? I'm not mad or upset about WHO he gave it to. In fact, I thought it was a really cool idea. It was the timing that pissed me off a little bit. I love his grandfather...dude's awesome and does more for his family than anyone. Now, if he gave it to another friend, I'd probably let him know it was bullshit.

And how in the hell do I need to grow up or stop being a girl? I haven't once whined or bitched about it to him or anyone else. I was seeing what you'd fuckers think about it.


#10

x 9000


#11

Reading comprehension x 9000


#12

What's so bad about the timing? You're still in the party, you still wear the tux, you'll still probably give a speech. This changes absolutely nothing for you. If you were the friend that is no longer in the party I'd be a little more pissed.


#13

DUDE!! This is my point!! Geez...

What would you guys do in my shoes. Our other (good) friend is now out of the wedding all together. Do I relinquish my spot and allow him to remain? Like I said, my spot in the party was taken and that had nothing to do with the other two guys. Why should our other friend get shit on? He's expressed several times how excited he is. I've been in like 6 weddings...it wouldn't bother me at all not to go through all the shit that goes into again. I wouldn't mind stepping down and letting him keep his spot.

I thought it would be a stand up thing to do but I don't want that move to come across as a bitch move like, ''Well if I'm not the best man then screw the wedding!"


#14

Problem?

Something I am missing?

EDIT: Ahhh I see what you meant (just saw your response to LM), my bad.


#15

It's cool. Everyone jumped on the ''don't be a bitch'' band wagon and I'm not even being a bitch lol

I'm not going to girl out about it as it doesn't truly upset me but I don't know what to do from here. If I back out it could be perceived as being childish after that decision.


#16

If I were in your shoes, I'd talk to the guy who was gettin married. Say, hey man it's great and all you want your grandfather but pushin so and so out of the wedding sucks, especially since he already has his tux. Personally I'd just keep him in the party. Since you're his best bud you act as intermediary but you do not make a huge deal about it, you simply bring it up, and let him decide what to do, don't badger, don't be a bitch. You stepping down is insulting to your friend.


#17

you're been a bitch for making this thread :wink:

what he did is not "bullshit", get over it. And yes, you are whining


#18

Bro...it's seems a bit bullshit esque after you consider the situation as a whole. I've helped out, I've planned and then I get a drunken text saying "You've been bumped motha fucker haha"

It's cool though. I can take a joke and as I stated...having your grandfather...who raised you no less as your best man is a cool idea. I think I'll just ask about the other kid to see what the plan is. If he's gonna get pushed out I'll suggest maybe adding another person to each side.


#19

I misread it too. I thought you were bumped from the wedding party.

You're still committed... financially as well.


#20

No kidding. My little sister is getting married and was freaking about having all her sisters and sisters-in-law in the wedding - it would be huge, between us and her actual friends. I told her "calm the fuck down, have whomever you want, and it's totally cool if I'm not in it, I won't be hurt." It was a huge load off her mind. Plus, I won't have to wear a "tangerine and wasabi" dress.

Weddings are difficult enough without having to worry about pissing off your friends with stupid little things like this. The way to be the best man and best friend here is to do whatever it is your friend needs you to do, and not worry about your own ego and place.