I woke up on the floor with evidence of turkey, mashed potatoes and some chocolate cream pie smearing my mouth and cheeks. I had more food on my shirt. A half eaten roll lay next to me. And I think my baby nephew pissed on me while I was passed out. Or maybe I just pissed myself. I figure I passed out after my 5th helping.
I must have went down like a defenseless receiver after a helmet to helmet hit across the middle. I went to the bathroom and staring back at me thru the mirror was the image of a 2 year old that fed himself for the first time - there was food everywhere. So I did the only intelligent thing a man could do in that position: I went and made another plate of food and went back to sleep.
I remember many years ago I ate so much for Christmas dinner I could'nt even stand up straight!
I was bent over like some rickety 90-year old fart as I made my way to the couch for some well deserved tele. By the look of me you'd swear someone had kicked me in the balls. I had to lie on my back with my knees up until the food slowly and painfully distributed itself throughout the length of my intestines.
Drinking beer only exacerbates things and that is why I now get pissed before dinner!