T Nation

it's enough time?

Hi,t-mans and t-vixens,i don’t live in the states so excuse my english. Well, i finally met the girl of my dreams about 8 months ago, and since i have been with her my life is finally oriented, i am more more motivated than ever to do all the things in life… it’s great, i never felt like this before in my life (i’m 29). my question is that we have been talking about marriage lately and we both are seriuos about the idea, we know each other very well and we both are in love.
do you think it’s enough time to get marry(8 months) or we have to wait more time?.. my mother says that we have to know each other for more time… well what’s your opinion?

Only you can answer that, if you believe that you are ready, do it.

“I’ve never felt this way before in my life”

That sort of gave it away. I maybe shouldn’t be talking, I don’t have much experience with this, but I know many people of various ages who’ve felt that they were “in love”. 8 months seems like a while to me, but it really depends on how in love you really are. My grandparents knew each other for 4 months and have been together for five and a half decades. My friend’s parents dated each other for 2 years before getting married and are now split. Analize your feelings, detach from yourself a little. Find out how serious she is about you. Then if you feel confident still, the best of luck to you.

If you really lover her, the time you wait will not matter. if you are committed for a lifetime, that stopwatch started a while ago. Your culture and faith and family history are big variables here. Is the mushy love talk and eternity talk holiday driven? Is your age a matter? Like “I have to be married by the time that I am 30”, or is it hers? We can’t answer that for you.

When I got married three and a half years ago, I had literally spent a total of 6 days with my wife. We met in June and I got her phone number. She came to visit me in January and spent 4 days, during which my super sperm found the mark. We got married in April after a one day reunion. 8 months is a pretty long time. The one thing in your post that worries me is that you are 29 years old and you actually began a sentence with, “My mother says…”. Cut the cord, Man.

I think it’s important to wait for the Puppy Love stage to end. Then you need to see if you really like her, after the glowy feelings are gone.

8 months isn’t too short to know if you want to gat married. It IS too short to know if you SHOULD be married. Think of it this way – a long engagement is better than a short marriage. Your family will be with you no matter what, and living with “I told you so” seriously sucks. No problem getting engaged now, but I’d put the marrige date off for a year. But then again, you’re an adult (by most ANY cultural standards), so the decision is up to you.

Ok, I’ll just say that I know a man. This man met a woman the first time in his life. Three days later they got married. Now five years later they’re still happily married with two children.

Only you can answer that one. I know two couples. One the man asked the woman for marriage the first day he met her. They are the happiest couple I have ever seen. The other couple knew each other for 6 weeks before marriage. Those marriages both started in the 1950s. And are still going strong to this day. However, do you have a reason for this marriage (kids, financial reasons)? Or are you considering marriage because you love her to death and can’t imagine living the rest of your life without her? I bet it’s the latter. (One reason is not better or worse than the other).


Go with your gut, but, to make things work out better in the long run, you gotta consider all the big questions. Such as, do you both want kids, etc. She sounds like a great girl, if you are motivated and feel better about yourself and who you are then that is a very very good sign that you two are a match. What country are you in, by the way? I just ask because mothers have different family roles depending on the country.

My wife and I got engaged after knowing each other 4 months. We got married 5 months later. That was 15 years ago – it’s still good.

One thing, though – at 29, you’re old enough to decide for yourself. You, not your mother, will be married to the woman, so you, not your mother, have to make that decision. Good luck to both of you.

Man, I’ve had a fewq relationships that have gone 2 - 2.5 years, and all ended badly. My current girlfriend has been with me for 6 months, and yeah, I occassionally think about ‘down the road’, and I do have great expectations, but the fact that we haven’t been together that long weights heavy on my mind as well. Look, no one can give you advice that will pertain to you specific situation, everyoone is different, you’re just going to hafta weigh everything out, and roll the dice bro. All the best!

Here’s a question why aren’t we acting upon North Koreans? Not to say that I don’t agree Sadaam needs to be stop…

uh,… what?