If it smells like shit.....
Being the holidays and all I am feeling nice. So with that said:
The first thing I would do is go out there under your profile and update it. If you stats aren't good fuck it, that should give you some added motivation to change those stats. Many vets go out there to review stats so they can critique.
The second thing would be to write down some real goals. When I say REAL I mean some that are attainable over short periods.
The third thing would be to google a workout for beginners. There is a ton of info on this site, it is unreal.
Forth: Depending on the goals you have, you can google a diet for your goals.
This is somewhat of a life style, it changes everything about you, and it doesn't happen over night AND with that being said, goggle what is stated above, not any TBOL, DBOL or whatever the fuck.