Is It Weird That I Got Married Young?

Never understand people that get married young.
Haven’t kept interest in a woman for longer than 1-2 months.
Maybe I am the problem :face_with_monocle:
You do you bro, happiness is relative.

When you find the right one, don’t let 'em go.

I married my best friend, which I think it what made it work so well. It’s too goddamn easy to fall in love: LIKING someone is TOUGH.

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Last night my wife told me we should watch an 80s/90s action movie, and that we don’t watch enough of them. Hard to not like that.

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Really?

She is my sniper support to my berserker on every Borderlands playthrough.

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Are you asking if I’m lying?

No. I’m asking what you mean by that statement. You make some very cogent, but sometimes counterintuitive statements. Given that I’m clueless on the subject, it would be nice to get some clarification- might even be helpful :slightly_smiling_face: :thinking:

Ah. Asking that question would have made that more clear, haha.

I mean it as written. I’m a misanthrope. I do not like our species. There are very few humans I would voluntarily spend my free time with. My wife is one of those humans. I genuinely like her.

I have many peers that have love for each other and in no way like each other.

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How does this work out with solipsism?

Self-loathing.

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I do agree with you on aspect of liking someone being important in a long term relationship. Honeymoon period seems to end for most couples. At that point having someone you like / get alone with really well is important.

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I believe that people get caught up in relationships they label “love” then exercise tenacity in maintaining over however many years. To me, healthy, “true” love requires a combination of liking, respect, and sexual chemistry.

For many couples one or more of these things fall away as they learn each other (“sometimes it takes getting to know someone really well to discover they’re a stranger,” can’t recall who said it). But, committed, they continue on. “I like her, but I don’t love her” to me means something closer to “I can tolerate her and won’t disrupt our children or shared assets to leave her.”

Respect is huge, and IMO given too little attention in today’s world. And I don’t mean respect in the PUA/alpha sense, but rather the belief that one’s partner is a person of good and consistent character. They don’t have to be flawless, but little lies, slams, and ongoing moral disappointments do not a genuinely loving relationship make.

I think when two people of questionable character get together each focuses on the other’s faults and they become the unhappy, bickering people no one wants to be around. She has similarly low girlfriends she can bitch to and he has buddies he makes wife jokes to, and they hobble on, miserable.

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A mere like button is not enough to express how great this post is.

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I wish it didn’t have to be based on my own mistakes and observances since. I also married young, without having had adequate role models and with only hazy ideas of what would prove to be important to me. Smart and educated? Check. Multilingual? Check. Athletic? Check. Ambitious? Check. Into me? Check.

Honest? Optimistic? Kind? Able to control temper or damaging impulses? Unfortunately, no. And I work with people all the time who are in the same boat. Good eggs who are torn between loyalty to the spouse and family, and their sense of disappointment or disgust in their partners.

My only goal when I started dating again post-divorce was to find someone I could like and respect as well as I like and respect myself. And I absolutely wasn’t going to tolerate shitty sex. And wow, what a difference.

My kids will admit that they like my husband better than they like their dad. Which is heartbreaking, but also gladdening. Because now they have a second role model, of a man and of a marriage, and hopefully it will improve their chances going into their own adulthoods.

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A similar instance on my own. I had come out of an awful toxic relationship and had sworn off having any sort of meaningful intimate relationship with another human at that point. My wife and I bonded as great friends because we could talk to each other, challenge each other, and respect each other through it. In truth, we “dated” for far longer than we acknowledged it. She was in a similar boat too: bad breakup, done with men. Both of us had to be willing to let down the armor and be vulnerable again.

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This is what I meant when I said, in another thread, that sex was overrated and underrated, especially as the relationship ages. I was rebuffed by a “SEX IS EVERYTHING” - by the guy who started a thread to ask the internet how to get a girlfriend - but you said it so much better than I did, haha.

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