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Irrational or Justified Anger?

Ok, I need to figure out whether or not I am being irrational when it comes to a certain situation in my life.

My wife of 2 yrs was in a non-serious (according to her) relationship with a guy that is best friends with her brother. Consequently I have to be around this guy sporadically and I dont really have much of a problem since she broke it off with him to start dating me. Although her brother tells me differently, I dont think I care that much either way…maybe I do?

Last year I played softball on her brothers team and we had a good time this year the ex-boyfriend is on the team and I dont have a problem with that he is a decent enough guy. We had practice on Monday and he was there with his pregnant girlfriend. This morning my wife casually mentions to me that his girlfriend is ugly and went on to mention some other stuff about her that I basically tuned out.

It pissed me off. I see this as a jealousy type of thing or perhaps some sort of interest in the ex? I dont know but my instincts told me to be pissed and to regard what she said as suspect. I haven’t raised this as an issue with her just yet and I am not sure if I should or if I should just let it drop.

Sorry for the long story but I thought some background needed laid down to fully appreciate the story.

Hey snoop,

First of all I never met a woman who didn’t enjoy running another woman into the ground. It’s the way they are hardwired.

“Look at her hair!” “Those cloths are so old fashioned.” “Well I wouldn’t wear anything like that…if it were me.” You know what I’m talking about? Women are nasty when it comes to assessing other women. I think it starts around the 6th grade and never stops.

As long as there is no other overt sign of affection, or attention being paid to the other guy, I wouldn’t worry about it.

Besides, even if this is an isolated case (she never tears down other women like 95% of all women do) what’s the big deal? I’m sure you have seen former girlfriends before and crank your neck around to see who they are with…then you sort of look them up and down. Sometimes we expect more from our spouse than we do of ourselves. She’s only human.

It’s all pretty much nothing from what you have stated.

Man, situations like that are always tough and kind of sticky…but since you’re married, (and happily I’m assuming or hoping) and the ex has a girlfriend who is pregnant, I wouldn’t think that there’s much to worry about. Woman, as much as they try to deny it, are competitive…As man are too.

I know I think I’m way, way, better than any current boyfriend my ex’s have…Women think the same but there’s no harm in it. I would start to worry if she continued to talk about her ex and his girlfriend and appeared fixated…The key word is fixated.

Based on what you’ve said so far, I would just let it drop. Your instincts about her being jealous may or may not be right. I would keep your eyes and ears open for other signs, but this is not enough to make a big deal about.

Personally, I would let it drop. Absolutley nothing good will come out of blowing up at your wife.

[quote]Snoop wrote:

It pissed me off. I see this as a jealousy type of thing or perhaps some sort of interest in the ex? I dont know but my instincts told me to be pissed and to regard what she said as suspect. I haven’t raised this as an issue with her just yet and I am not sure if I should or if I should just let it drop.

[/quote]

It sounds very much to me like your instincts are right on about your wife. My advice (which is worth just as much as you’re paying for it) is to drop it for now. Really, her only mistake her is just being a woman and looking to you to reaffirm that she is more beautiful than his girlfriend, thus he is worse off now without her which boosts her ego. She just feels threatened by the new girlfriend. I’m sure in the past you’ve seen some ex’s you wish you’d stayed with around their new man and got a little hot under the collar about it- you just didn’t go and open your mouth about it to your wife.

If she keeps giving you the vibe that she’s obsessed about this guy and still thinking about him, do something about it ASAP.

I decided to let it drop. Thanks for the advice and insight. I know that I have been guilty of the same thing before so its not really all that I made it out to be. Of course I have never verbalized anything like that to her!

Thanks,

Snoop

I know I’m a little late considering you’ve already dropped the issue… But I think it’s a female being a female. I am madly in love with the guy I’m with now, but if I see one of my X’s current g/fs I can’t help but to think “she isn’t pretty…she is bla bla bla.” I care NOTHING for the X now, but for some reason I have this jealousy issue that surfaces for a split second. The sad thing is I know I do it, and I hate when I do it…yet I still do it. I hate to use a cliche, but “It’s a girl thing.”