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Iran: Jews at Fault for Erectile Dysfunction


Ahmadinejad Blames Jews For Erectile Dysfunction

Apr. 04, 2013

Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad blamed Jews today for the “global scourge of erectile dysfunction.”

In a speech broadcast on state television, the Islamic firebrand claimed an international Jewish cabal is provoking male impotence though chemicals in bottled water and then making billions by treating the syndrome with pharmaceutical drugs like Viagra.

In the middle of one of his more typical rants against Israel, the United States, and global Zionism, Ahmadinejad unveiled his latest conspiracy theory.

"One of the most insidious new methods of global Zionist oppression is the effort to sap the life-forces of non-Jews around the world,"he thundered.

“According to my closest advisers, almost 95 percent of Iranian men now have difficulty achieving and maintaining an erection. I have to admit that on very rare occasions, I have had such trouble myself, despite my legendary virility. Clearly we see the work of the Zionists in this situation. Why else would good Muslim and Christian men everywhere be suffering this embarrassing lack of manly function?”

Flaccid Argument

Ahmadinejad then detailed how he believes Jews have created this epidemic of male impotence.

“Jewish interests have taken financial control of all the bottled water companies in the world,” he explained. "They have used the dominance to slip chemicals into our bloodstreams, which destroy our ability to become erect.

"Very attractive, sexually vibrant men have unwittingly become victims of this humiliating condition. But the Jew is not content to humiliate his enemies. He must bankrupt them too. And so they have created a cure for this induced disease – drugs such as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra.

"Hard working men all over the world are spending billions on such cures just to keep themselves sexually viable. Many are facing complete financial ruin.

"And who sells these drugs? Just look at these pharmaceutical companies: Pfizer, Merck, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Glaxo Smith Kline – these are all Jewish names!

“We must unite to fight this conspiracy, beginning with a complete ban on bottled water in our country and a lawsuit seeking compensation for all the money Iranian men have spent on these terribly expensive erection pills.”

Ahmadinejad has been president of Iran since 2005. He is known for his staunchly anti-Jewish views. Political observers in Tehran expect a ban on bottled water to be enacted within weeks.

http://dailycurrant.com/2013/04/04/ahmajinedad-blames-jews-erectile-dysfunction/

+++++

To make up for what I’ve done to your manhood, I present Emmy Rossum.

Seems legit

The Iranians are really on the ball this month. They have also invented the worlds first TIME MACHINE!

The only difference between Iran and North Korea is the time zones.

What a bunch of loonies.

[quote]redstar144 wrote:
The Iranians are really on the ball this month. They have also invented the worlds first TIME MACHINE!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/middleeast/iran/9985757/Iranian-scientist-claims-to-have-invented-time-machine.html[/quote]

It’s about time. I mean…a DeLorean?

[quote]The Ox Man wrote:
Seems legit[/quote]

True. The only thing I find fault with is leaving out all of those other people with money who don’t mind shrinking the testicles of your kids. I heard some of them are even caucasian.


Pretty sure this is what is causing it.

Plus when your women are dressed like the KKK, tends to lessen the mood

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
I present Emmy Rossum.[/quote]

Like the fist of an angry G_d

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
Pretty sure this is what is causing it.

Plus when your women are dressed like the KKK, tends to lessen the mood[/quote]

Imagine the panus on that one…

Makes you want to eat a hot dog

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
Pretty sure this is what is causing it.

Plus when your women are dressed like the KKK, tends to lessen the mood[/quote]

Imagine the panus on that one…

Makes you want to eat a hot dog[/quote]
Yep just imagine what that panus is covering?

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
Pretty sure this is what is causing it.

Plus when your women are dressed like the KKK, tends to lessen the mood[/quote]

Imagine the panus on that one…

Makes you want to eat a hot dog[/quote]
Yep just imagine what that panus is covering?[/quote]

Mayo for the hotdog?

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
Pretty sure this is what is causing it.

Plus when your women are dressed like the KKK, tends to lessen the mood[/quote]

Imagine the panus on that one…

Makes you want to eat a hot dog[/quote]
Yep just imagine what that panus is covering?[/quote]

Mayo for the hotdog?[/quote]
Or maybe sauerkraut

Bunny ears do not a sexy bunny make.

I happen to speak Farsi. Will try to find and watch the original broadcast to verify if the Iranian president really said that :wink:

I’m feeling kinda sorry for the Iranian diaspora: been to a lot of Persian parties in different Western countries, in the past. There’s usually quite a good time to be had with Persians, they know how to party, love fooling around, their wimmenz are hot, their food is great (albeit a tad nasty looking, sometimes) - and they’re usually not anti-semitic.

Although, and I’ve grown quite fond of broaching this, some of them, when asked about it, say they dislike Jews. When pressed for definite reasons, most mumble something about Jewish money magic before finally admitting they don’t know why they should hate on Jews.

Some people I know hadn’t even known anything about modern Iran until the current Iranian president assumed office in 2005.

Nowadays, most people seem to think they know a lot about Iran. Well, I’ll leave it at that.

Every time I see pics like these, I think “When she loses consciousness, I’m not carrying her down and around the narrow hallway and down the staircase to the ambulance.”

There should be a public service announcement to get large people with medical problems to pass out by the front door, if not outside.

NOOooo… it’s always the tiny upstairs bathroom in the back corner of the house.

It’s the Murhpy’s law of obese medical patients.

[quote]DoubleDuce wrote:
Every time I see pics like these, I think “When she loses consciousness, I’m not carrying her down and around the narrow hallway and down the staircase to the ambulance.”

There should be a public service announcement to get large people with medical problems to pass out by the front door, if not outside.

NOOooo… it’s always the tiny upstairs bathroom in the back corner of the house.

It’s the Murhpy’s law of obese medical patients.[/quote]
When I was a young respiratory therapist, they brought in a guy that was easy 500+ face down on a stretcher. TUBED and bagging him. He had ate a bunch of tacos, went into the bathroom to rub one out and had a MI. They couldnt get him out of the bathroom, so they tubed him and dragged him out with a rug. Then flipped him on the stretcher to bring him in.

Good times. Made me thankful I did not go into EMS

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
I present Emmy Rossum.[/quote]

so hot

Quit posting fat lady pics. I think I threw up in my mouth. Absolutely disgusting. Gag me with a spoon (like the 1980’s reference).

Iran’s President is only doing the bidding of the Ayatollah.

[quote]dmaddox wrote:
Quit posting fat lady pics. I think I threw up in my mouth. Absolutely disgusting. Gag me with a spoon (like the 1980’s reference).

Iran’s President is only doing the bidding of the Ayatollah.[/quote]

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]dmaddox wrote:
Quit posting fat lady pics. I think I threw up in my mouth. Absolutely disgusting. Gag me with a spoon (like the 1980’s reference).

Iran’s President is only doing the bidding of the Ayatollah.[/quote]
[/quote]

Not as bad as the one with a snack in its chin. Could not tell if that was a woman or a man. I am going to have nightmares tonight.