T Nation

Intimidation


#1

It seems that the bigger I get, the more intimidated and/or jealous the dudes around me get. Now, I'm not huge by no means, 5'11, around 225. But to most people around me who think that you must be on steroids to get my size and remain small and weak day after day, I'm a bigger guy.

I've never been one to smile alot and generally have a serious look on my face but it seems like if I'm not smiling these days or cracking a joke, people label me as a dickhead. People who are much smaller would be considered simply confident but not me. I can't imagine what guys who actually are huge must go through.

When I was smaller, I don't recall being intimidated/jealous of anyone who was bigger than me. I was more impressed than anything else or just didn't give a fuck.

I definitely don't plan on changing who I am and just cheesing everywhere I go, which means most people will remain intimidated or whatever the hell their problem is.

So how do you bigger guys deal with that bullshit? Ordinarily I'd just say fuck it, but in work situations and other activities, it's probably a bad thing.

I don't mean to sound like I'm bragging or any of that brokeback shit, just wanted to maybe spark some discussion.


#2

It really did take this forum to realize that I sometimes intimidate people, because I am big, sometimes loud and I don?t smile a lot.

It?s not my problem , if people want to be scared, let them, I cannot carry an idiotic grin 24/7 to keep everybody happy.


#3

i work at a big store, and i have to walk the sales floor dozens of times a day...i do my best to cover up and walk around with a big fake smile most of the day...and when someone talks to me i'm the nicest most polite thing they've ever met....

some days it's the hardest thing to pull off, others it comes natural...either way as soon as 4pm hits i'm the way i wanna be...if i feel like smiling, than i'll smile, if someone is staring at me, i'm gonna stare right back at them....

...i would just say that at work, do what you have to do, away from it...if you are looking for new friends or a girlfriend, than yeah...go around smiling and be happier, if not...be the way you are...no one is happy and smiling 24/7.....


#4

I try to smile at work when I first enter a room, that's it. I don't give a shit elsewhere. I know I intimidate people. I don't try to, it simply happens. Smaller lifters have never experienced anything like that and think it is bragging to even talk about it. The bigger you get, the more you will get called on it. Meanwhile, I don't see anyone else just walking around smiling all of the time. You don't ever get over it, you just learn to deal with it. It does come in handy when in tense situations.


#5

My guess is you're a dickhead.

My guess is you want to intimidate, or at least feel like you're intimidating.

Are we all now supposed to think you are some big tough guy. I don't get your post at all. People just don't shrink up and get all intimidated just because someone is a little bigger than them. It's the vibe you give. It isn't about some fake smile. That would just be retarded.

I'm 6'4--275. Yah, sometimes you get a look, but that is rare. And it rarely persists because I'm not a dickhead. I may play one on the internet, but I enjoy my friends and socializing and I think it comes across that I'm not there to hurt anyone. I'm not out there 'looking' to be the biggest baddest boy in the bar. I also spend very little time staring at strangers trying to figure out if they are intimidated.

Just thinking out loud.


#6

Do you have to smile a lot to find women who want to have sex with you?

Usually I get the " at first I didn?t like you, because you never smiled or talked to me, but now that I get to know you...yadayadayada..."

Psychopath = not good

a little bit scary and intimidating = sexy


#7

A 2-3 year old girl once immediately surrendered all her toys to me when she saw me.

A 4 year old boy would not stand in line behind me, because I "was just too big".


#8

What do you do for a living? Anyone working a job that involves public relations will no doubt run into this from time to time. I am wondering why this is so hard for you to believe or understand. When was the last time your doctor, car saleman, or vendor was bigger than you?


#9

I travel and deal with people everyday. I know they know I'm bigger than them, but intimidated--just to be around someone bigger--please. I know it happens, but that is more the exception than the rule. If you present yourself in a non-intimidating fashion, why would it ever be a serious condition/problem.

It's not hard for me to understand at all. I accept my size and I make no special, out-of-the-way effort to de-intimidate myself.

Maybe you, like the poster, just want to feel you intimidate those around you. I've probably been intimidated more by guys smaller than me than I have bigger guys. It's always that lunatic, funky eyed, sneering dude who makes me keep an eye on him than the bigger guy at the end of the bar or cash register.


#10

You are also 6'4". That is 5" taller than me and people do make allowances for height as far as how they deal with people. I am about 10lbs less than you so that is a rather large difference in appearance. To make it compareable at about 10lbs per inch in height, that is like you weighing about 310lbs. You don't think people would treat you slightly different at that weight? I don't present myself in an intimidating fashion. What does that even entail?


#11

I'm in sales, and travel a lot. I'm not big, but I've never felt intimidated by someone bigger. Hell most people are anyway. At 5'7" you can't do much intimidation going regardless of having an extra 30 lbs.

At 5'11" and 225, you would not intimidate me. I have frends exactly the same size and they don't have any of the issues like you describe.

I can see where dealing with people on a public level this could happen, but to me, in this case, it seems like more your issue than theirs. You are sending out a vibe that people are sensing.

Being a cool person does not mean sporting a fake smile....this just add to the problem. The moment you stop worrying about this is the minute your problem will go away.


#12

I agree that 5'11" at 225lbs isn't "that big" to be worried that size alone is intimidating anyone else. Other factors are possibly the cause.


#13

Sasquatch, Rockscar,

this happens. I don?t know why, but it does. They ask tings like, did I offend you, are you angry and sometimes they start to apologize for saying something I didn?t even register.

I would like to think that I do not walk around trying to intimidate people and compared to Prof X I?m not even that big.


#14

I can understand someone being intimidated by my "little" brother who is 5'10" 300lbs. He very rarely smiles, sometimes lets his goatee grow to Jim "the Anvil" Neidhart proportions, has a shaved head, and wears tinted glasses all the time. But, he's the nicest guy and children LOVE him.

I, on the other hand, DO NOT understand why someone would be intimidated by me. I'm 5'6" 230lbs and have heard numerous times, "I thought you were an asshole, before I got to know you" or "You look mean". Out of all the guys I hang out w/, and 90% of them being MUCH larger than I, they always see me as the "bodyguard" and refer to me as such. At first I thought they were just being wise asses, but I really do make sure the don't kill anyone else or themselves.

WTF??? Is every guy supposed to walk around w/ a perma-smile 24/7??? I only smile if something makes me smile, not "just because". My g/f is always getting on me about the scowl I wear on my mug, as if it's not OK for me to walk around w/ the poker face God gave me. Wait, maybe she's trying to tell me I need a bag over my head or something...:wink:

I can only imagine how it must be for the taller guys who carry some size/weight around with them.


#15

I understand, but maybe it's a combo of your attitude and size then? I know some very 'gentle' looking buff people. It's not the body, it's the attitude.


#16

I usually get comments from people who don't know me. My personality is also one where I am either making light of situations or simply not being serious if it puts the patient at ease. Most people who know me don't have a problem with me. I do have the shaved head and constantly get comments about how I either look "mean" or "upset" anytime someone catches me not smiling.


#17

You are right it is also the attitude, but I am very aggressive. Not in a bad way, but aggressive.

If 50 kg girls do it they are cute, if I say whats on my mind I?m intimidating. Strange.

Not that I mind, I?m self employed, but still... It is all about perception and context, and some people are so timid and scared that they will dislike you no matter what you do...

But, as I said, women like it and I think it is the same gut reaction, they only interpret it differently...

Still strange, but in a good way..


#18

what are you wearing when you say see these petrified people??

i am not big (yet), 6' 193, but im not way smaller than you and i dont see why that size would indimidate people

prof x from info in this thread is a 5'11" 265lb black dude with a shaved head

if he is dealing with a lot of white folks(specifically women), they might be intimidated by that combo, and if he ever shows them his tats, they will run for the hills (this last part is a joke)

but serously, at 5'11 225. your well above average, but far from scary big

it might be something in your demeanor


#19

I guess I kind of agree with both sides..I'm not as big as either X nor Sasquatch but I've always had really broad shoulders(even before lifting) which people have said make me seem bigger on first impression. I have sometimes seen the looks and maybe a sense of dread when people have to approach me(particularly males) but not to the level that the OP was talking about.


#20

Plus, being black, no matter what anybody wants to believe, is a factor for quite a few people.