T Nation

Insomnia Since Starting TRT


#161

Exactly correct, but they find a way to deal with it. If she didn’t find a way to deal with it that involves you, then that’s a good reason to be suspicious bro. Women NEED affection. And they reciprocate affection to whoever is giving that to them. If it’s not you…you need to find out what (or possibly who) that is.


#162

So true. We know everything about each other. In fact we share each other’s location on the phone. Nothing to hide.

Every marriage is different. Some don’t share finances and do fine.


#163

My wife and I are exactly the same way bro. I truly believe that any relationship that is not completely transparent is doomed. I mean really…how can two people be one (married) and still be two completely different people. That’s not marriage imo. That’s a business partnership. And you know what? Maybe that works for some people, I don’t know. I can say this though…every couple I have ever witnessed personally in my life that didn’t have this openness eventually failed. I’m not saying that all of them will, but the ones that I have witnessed have.


#164

Hopefully it’s a huge dildo


#165

I agree hence why I have not and probably will never cheat. I will regret it. And I Will slowly burn keeping a secret. It will affect me. I can’t do something naughty and keep it in…

Sometimes I wonder if other men go get let’s say blowjobs on the side. And that is normal and I need to do it to. IDK I don’t talk to guys about that. Is it normal?


#166

Don’t entertain that thought bro. Leads to a dark place. I mean, unless you eventually WANT to be single again and go try your luck with the ladies having your new found “fit TRT enhanced body” as ammunition. If that’s the case, you should sit down with your wife right now and go ahead and break it off. No need to waste yours or her time with something that’s eventually going to go to shit lol.

Some guys can rationalize in their own minds that “flirting isn’t cheating”. Then that eventually leads to “a quick grab isn’t cheating”. Then to “a BJ isn’t cheating”. On an on until eventually you rationalize that “hey, I just go and fuck this hot chick on the side, but I go back home to my wife”. It won’t end well.


#167

That’s essentially what’s happening where man.

I’ve tried everything. She is unwilling. I have already seen my lawyer and if nothing changes by February I’m bailing. A shame really, but I am not spending the rest of my young years tied to a cruel woman. :slight_smile:


#168

I agree it is stupid. Pre trt I had these issues. With trt there worse. I’m one of the lucky ones where low t did not hurt my erections, it did bother my labido… but I didn’t lose it… jsut weekly labido.


#169

Let me say this just to advocate both sides of this equation.

Do you love her? Of course you do or you wouldn’t have married her. Same goes for her. Right now she’s not the same person you married. You’re probably not either. If you want to get back to what you had (and if she does to), then fight for it and get to the bottom of it. Put everything on the table. Tell her ever secret you’ve got. Ask her to put everything she has in the closet out on the table. It’s gonna hurt like hell to find out some things you thought would never happen, and she’s going to hurt from some of yours. If you both want it…it can be made right. If even one of you doesn’t want it anymore, then end it. A kid is not an excuse to hold onto to a shitty life. It’s going to be worse for the kid in the long run growing up thinking that a normal home is two parents who hate each other.


#170

Thanks for that. I hate to be the guy who acts like he’s done it all and out of options. Right now I have attempted many things to right the ship.

I’m not Giving up Easily. Marriage is hard. It takes time and you can’t be selfish. Crossing fingers … hopefully in a few months she gets it and starts realizing what we have :slight_smile:


#171

Here’s hoping for the best for you brother. I sincerely hope you guys get it straight.

I won’t lie to you and tell you that coming back from where you’re at is easy. It’s hard as hell and I can tell you from my own personal experience (yes my wife and I were in a place like this at one time) that getting back to good means enduring pain and hardship sometimes that you didn’t even think was possible. But if you both want it, the end result of a true marriage is worth it.

Here’s a tip to get things rolling. Sit down with her and ask her straight up. “Babe, this is not working. You and I both know it. I want our life back. Do you want it or are you done?” Don’t accept any beat around the bushes answers here. This is a simple yes or no.

If it’s no…enough said. Go talk to your lawyer. If it’s yes, then tell her it’s time to empty out. Both of you. Agree that you both have a safe haven to empty every dark secret right here right now. Leave nothing unsaid. Leave no secret in the dark. Agree before hand that you both have the freedom to say (not do) anything you want and you both have to agree to listen to what the other has to say. You both have to admit to some shit that you probably don’t even know about each other, and I’m not taking about just since you’ve been married. I’m talking about every fucking thing in your life. If this is going to be your life partner, then she needs to know everything about you, and you need to know everything about her. Good, bad, and ugly.

It’s a hard talk to have bro and it’s one that usually last for weeks or even months…but it’s a conversation that has to be had, or the two of you need to go opposite directions. One of the two.


#172

and if you keep your socks on it isnt cheating. lol

I get you man, Thx. and then you starting leading this separate life that will destroy all.


#173

great advice @enackers

btw I have been married for almost 20 years. I love my family so much. I just fantasize…
am disease free, not even hpv, i am not fucking up anything for a cheap thrill.

also, you need to compromise in a healthy marriage. I want sex every fucking day and I tell her. so we agreed 2-3x a week and one of those times is oral because i like it. I said it makes me feel more intimate with her. i wish she would initiate more often because it makes sex way more intense for me. but i have no problem initiating most of the time.

In the summer when she is off from work we have it more often. unless there is some severe illness , sex must be part of a healthy marriage. my libido is high before trt and after. its probably in my blood. my father is 70 and he finally is talking less about sex…but still does…


#174

Oh and don’t forget the “I had a condom
On”. Jerry springer episode.


#175

Make it easy for her. Take a day off work, book the appointment, organise a sitter for the kids, and tell her after the fact what you have done. If she has depression, too, then this needs to be addressed through counselling. She may not have the energy or wherewithall to do this herself.


#176

Thanks this is great advice. I’ll let y’all know how it goes when it happens


#177

Backfire alert!!!

I agree this is probably a great idea…on the surface. However…

She may take it to mean that you think she’s crazy and make things worse. Just a thought for consideration.


#178

Start going thru her cell phone.

I married my wife. After a year of marriage I had discovered she’d been having an affair all thru the planning and short 1 hear of marriage.

We divorced.

6 months later she crawls back. 1.5 years later we remarry. 1 hear
Later she is in the affair again.

All the signs were there but not
My wife.

Not saying your wife is Cheating but it’s so damn common.

Get her tipsy on night and let her pass out. Go thru phone.


#179

Fucked up shit bro. Ya i did not long ago and didnt see anything, i will check again just to doubley tripply make sure its not for that reason.


#180

If she actually has moderate to severe depression , that could cause the issues you r having too. Maybe not cheating