Yep same symptoms. The only difference is that I haven’t involved antidepressants. I have, however, tried every supplement under the sun! (Oh actually I did try low dose mirtz at night to sleep, but it caused restless leg syndrome, and i think the thought of being on a psychiatric drug spiked my anxiety, so I stopped after 2 weeks)
You said that you accept that you won’t sleep. Try accepting that even IF you don’t sleep, you will still be able to function and cope the next day. Make plans to see friends, go to the gym, walk the dog, etc. You should execute on these plans regardless of how you are feeling. Force yourself to do so. This will breakdown the belief that insomnia (and your condition in general) is ruining your life. It will, I believe, help with you depression, too, which is merely a product of all the stress and fatigue and worry that you are experiencing.
You should also be open to the idea that your quest for a drug treatment to your problem may be trapping you in a cycle of worry and panick - you’re constantly monitoring what you are feeling which is making the condition larger than it is, again triggering more anxiety which leads to more painful headaches, less sleep, etc. I’m sure you can see the vortex that these cognitions create.
Go to bed tonight with the intention of resting, not sleeping. You can’t force yourself to sleep. Know that if you don’t sleep you will still be fine tomorrow. You can cope. With time, you may find that your condition reverses as your brain re-wires and your hormones settle (sounds like your amygdala is causing the release of stress hormones during sleep). The body and brain want to achieve homeostasis, you’ve just got to stop interfering with the process by creating dangers in your mind that do not exist! I’m also working through all of these things myself. It is the toughest thing I’ve ever had to deal with.