T Nation

Insomnia Since Starting TRT


#221

It really gets me every time i hear about pets being medicated. lollll i mean come on… i love my kittens. but giving them anti depressants or medication because i think there depressed is taking it to another level. right… tell me im wrong so i can stop being so critical.


#222

Update: ;So I have been to the GP today and have been given the SSRI Setraline 50mg.
Starting tomorrow I will be tapering off the mirtazapine and adding the Setraline into the mix, I am expecting a rough week but hopefully it won’t be so bad.

I will keep you updated with my progress.

@rightsaidfreud @enackers @narcissusford @jpt365 @roscoe88

Thanks for the help so far fellas, much appreciated!


#223

Good on you mate. Treat this as something temporary to help you get back on track. Curious, how did your GP settle on Sertraline as opposed to one of the many other SSRIs? Also, I know that one of the “side effects” of SSRI’s are sleep disturbance: are you expecting your sleep to worsen in the short term?


#224

A previous doctor suggested Setraline so I mentioned it to the doctor today who said it was a good option.

I never suffered from insomnia whilst I was taking duloxetine for years, it’s only started since stopping treatment.

I am expecting disruption from starting the setraline tomorrow but I’m in a bad place and need to do something, doing nothing will kill me.

I’m hoping once I get serotonin levels balanced that everything will fall into place including sleep.

This is my only hope of feeling well again at this present time so I got to do it for my family


#225

I’ve got 50mg of setraline prescribed by my GP today, do you think I should start lower, break the tablet in half so I am just taking 25mg?

I’m devastated I need to go back on SSRI medication in order for me to be well again :frowning:
I know it won’t be short term, this is a lifelong commitment, I have proved I can’t live a normal life without medication :frowning:


#226

Don’t worry it’s not a lifelong commitment. Take 50mg for two days and get some rest. Depending on how you feel then we can see if you can go down to 25mg. You have to understand that upregulation of receptors can take a long time. We try to put you on a dose that you are slightly serotonin deficient but not as much as at the moment. There is still a good chance that upregulation will happen and you will feel fine someday without ssris.

Still I think you should introduce hcg to your protocol. There’s also a good chance this will help you.

Tell me on the weekend how the progress is on sertraline :blush: focus on your rest this weekend!

Best wishes!


#227

Sounds good man! Don’t worry too much about being on an SSRI for life, you’re not there just yet. What you’ve been through might have been a temporary situation. As rightsaidfreud alluded to, your brain may be back to a better place in time.

Rest up and be well!


#228

@pilchard

Looks like you’ve been going through a little hell there brother. Life takes it’s toll on all of us. Add to that a chemical, neurological imbalance, or hormonal imbalance and you’ve got a recipe for setting the brain (and our sanity) into a perpetual dive bomb. I can feel your pain brother. I generally don’t speak of my own life experiences, but I really think that it may relate to you and maybe in some small way help you out? I’m going to put this out there…not because I want sympathy from you or anyone else on here, but simply because, you in particular, may find some shred of hope. So here goes…

I grew up in south Louisiana in a family that heavily abused drugs and alcohol. My father was addicted to porn. He was a Vietnam veteran with severe untreated PTSD (they really didn’t recognize that as a “thing” back then). He also was involved in a major car crash that left him with partial brain damage. The man literally lived on VA and disability for as far back as I can remember. He could be a pretty violent man. We lived on a little dirt road back in the woods. At the end of this road there was about a 10 acre opening where my my whole family lived. My grandparents had a house. My uncles and their families had houses, and of course we had our house. All of my uncles and their families were heavy into drugs and alcohol and most of them very violent just like my dad. Needless to say, my earliest childhood memories are of hearing my dad and mom fighting violently, seeing my uncles beat their wives to a pulp, and watching them beat each other senseless. I also remember seeing my sister being molested at a very early age. I myself was molested by an uncle for about a year when I was 7 years old. My mom and dad had divorced by the time I was 14. My dad went to live in a VA home, and when I was 15, my mom got remarried and moved out of our house. My brother at this time was 19 so he and I stayed in our home. I quit school and went to work doing construction to help my brother with the bills. After about a year of that I couldn’t stand to be near my family any more so I left there.

It wasn’t long after that I met the girl I later married. Her dad hated me! Lol. He thought I was a going to bring his daughter down a very dark road. I looked like someone who did drugs and was a low life. 16 years old, with no education, and a very bad attitude toward any and everything in my life. Looking back it’s easy to see why he hated me lol! After dating my wife for about a year, her dad and I got to know each other better and we actually started getting along very well. He was very fond of his liquor, but he was the first man I ever knew that got drunk and was still a happy person. Very non violent. This was a new experience for me. On top of that, the man was brilliant. Very smart and had a common sense way of looking at things that I found very intriguing.

At 17 years old, my then girlfriend was 16, I asked her to marry me. Her dad encouraged me to take a fresh look at my education (he wanted to be sure that I could support his daughter), and my stepdad offered to help me financially if I wanted to go back to school. Looking at being a husband at the age of 18 with a new wife to be responsible for, I took the offer. I got my GED and then I went to a tech school in Baton Rouge Louisiana. I stayed there for a year and half and earned a degree in analog / digital electronics and pc repair / networking and programming.

Fast forward a few years and my first son was born. I had a great job, had just bought a new double wide (Louisiana rednecks lol) and things were finally looking up for me to have a normal life. About a year later, I get a phone call out of the blue on a Friday morning saying “sorry to tell you, but the company you work for just went bankrupt. You no longer have a job!” My wife and I start having issues (young and stupid, along with a new found weight of having a new kid and another in the oven, a house note, a car note, and all of a sudden no income). Constant arguing and and general unhappiness escalated to the point of us separating for a couple of months. Long story short, we eventually got past that and got it back together. I got a job back in construction working for my brother and we made it work. Fast forward a couple years later…

I loved to ride dirt bikes (motocross) and I met a guy at the tracks that was a programmer in the field of HVAC temperature controls. As we got to know each other, he found out that I have a background in programming and he mentioned that the company he worked for was looking for a guy. I jumped at the chance to get back into my field and get out of the construction industry. I wound up getting that job and my life was now starting to look up again!! Fast forward 7 years…

My wife and I, and our two kids are living in an old dump that belonged to my stepdads parents and had sit vacant for many years. I went through the entire house and re-wired it, and patched it up as best I could, but the foundation was rotten to the core and it was falling apart. My wife and I decide to purchase a place and wound up finding a nice option in Kentwood Louisiana. Things were turning around and looking up even better! But then my wife’s dad dies and that took a pretty good toll on her, and subsequently our marriage.

We eventually work through that…Fast forward a few more years and I am at the point we’re I am so unhappy with life in general. I am beginning to hate Louisiana, it’s culture, and everything that I grew up seeing. I had friends that were very young dying of cancer. It seeemd like cancer was spreading like wildfire throughout the people I knew. I was convinced that all of the industrial plants, political bullshit, oil wells, oil spills, and train derailments dumping chemicals all into the ground which eventually seeped into the ground water…hell the very air I was breathing in Louisiana was slowly killing me and everyone I knew. Drugs were rampant and the culture going downhill fast. I decided that I didn’t want to raise my kids in this environment, and I didn’t want to die by the time I was 40, so I picked an arbitrary date two years in the future (April 21st 2015). I didn’t know why I picked that date, it just came to me. I told my boss that I was giving him a two year notice that I was quitting on that date, and I was packing my family up and going as far away a from Louisiana as I could…destination Montana.

I now know why that date came to me. It turned out that my father got very ill within that two years. On my last day of employment, the office guys were throwing a going away party for me. This was a Friday and I had a truck and trailer loaded, and ready to leave the following Wednesday to head for Montana. My wife arrived at that going away office party at around 11:00 and she got the phone call while she was pulling in that my dad had passed away. That date was not that arbitrary after all. That time span gave me the time to actually get to know my dad a little bit. To spend a little time with him and learn more about why he was the way he was. That time gave me the ability to forgive my dad and to spend the last two years of his life with him…

After the funeral, we load up and head to Montana. Two years worth of saving money and no particular plan but just to get there and figure it out! Well, we almost ran out of money and things were looking pretty bleak when I finally found a job. The change in culture was a bit of a shock for my family. My oldest son (16 at this time) starting hanging out with some bad crowds. My wife, for the first time in our marriage, had to go and get a job to help make ends meet. Long story short here…things devolve in my marriage due to financial stress, my sons being stupid, and me worrying about being less of a man because I brought my family way up here so far away from everything and everybody they knew. Things weren’t going so hot. It got bad and after a year of this, it all implodes. I started having ED, completely stressed out. My wife is stressed beyond belief. It all came to a head and within a 3 month period, I almost got divorced, my son overdosed on drugs trying to commit suicide, my youngest son is right on his heels, and then I lose my job…

Here we are, a million miles away from anything we know, and my life just vanishes in front of my eyes…can you say mental breakdown? At 38 years old, I’m done. Spent. I don’t care anymore and I’m so beaten down by life that I just want it all over with…

My son recovers in the hospital and we send him to a rehab center for a month. My wife quits hers job and starts re engaging in the family. I get another job across the state and we move a little further west. Here we are today…

My son got his ged and now works for the same company I do. The people I work with are some of the brightest people I know. My wife works at a Christian preschool as a teachers assistant. I make a very good living and my sons seem to have grown up and have a very positive outlook on life, and are determined to build their own lives. I get comments all the time on how smart and well mannered my kids are. My oldest son has progressed so fast that he is doing things on the programming side that veterans are not able to do. It’s looking good all the way around and I have never been so much at peace, or had a better outlook on things in my life…My wife is my best and only friend. We go to work, come home and we work out together. We spend our nights and weekends together. We love each other in a way that I never imagined love could be. My sons see that and they have even commented on the fact that what their mom and I have, they want for themselves when they get married. I try to be an example to them. I’m finally living!

Now there’s one thing to this entire story that I left out. I did that on purpose because I want to emphasize this point. Somewhere along that entire journey, I got to really know God and see His heart. I somehow gained the ability to see His work in every aspect of my life. The good and the bad. He was always there. That one thing is why I’m still alive today. It’s why my wife and I have the love that we have for one another. It’s why my sons are still alive. It’s the why for everything brother. I don’t know what you believe, if anything but I will tell you this. There is hope. Every major catastrophe in my life has lead me to a newer and deeper awakening. I grew up fast, but I didn’t think like a man until I went through all of the adversity. God saw me through all of that.

I encourage you brother. This seems like the darkest time in your life. There’s a light just on the other side of it, I promise you. There’s a better version of your life. A better you, just on the other side of this thing if you can just hang on and see it through. I’m not telling you that you should drop to your knees this instant and start praying. Every mans experience with God has a time and place and I can’t tell you if this is yours, and I don’t know, you may have already had that experience. You may already know exactly what I’m talking about. If you do, hang on. It’s coming brother. It may not be what you expect, or even what you want, but it will be exactly what you need.

If you haven’t had that experience that’s ok. Just know it’s there. Waiting. Have some faith in something bigger than yourself brother. When everything else goes to shit…when your cards are all on the table…really, when all you have left to your name is that faith…that’s when it does it’s magic. That’s when you get to really see it’s value!

Anyway, I don’t know why but I just felt compelled to share this with you. I hope it helps in some small way. Sleep well brother.


#229

Wow. I will reply to this later my friend once I have had chance to re-read your post and absorb everything you said. Thank you.


#230

… that is some life story man, life sounded such a struggle for you but you managed to find strength from somewhere to come through the other side , amazing bro!
…you are one truly strong amazing person. Life dealt you a bad hand but you are still here to tell the tale, not sure how you did this considering the difficulties you had to endure growing up.

I believe in God and prayed regularly and talked to him daily thanking him for everything good in my life, I have been truly blessed, I had a good upbringing and I have a good life on paper.

The only trauma in my life was in 2002 when my girlfriend at the time fell pregnant with twins. She had a breakdown and had a termination. I went from being a dad to not being a dad in a very short time, this seriously fucked my brain up and it will haunt me forever. Since then I moved on, got married and fathered 2 beautiful daughters but there’s not a day that goes by without thinking of the moment in 2002 when I lost my mind. This is when I started taking antidepressants and continued to until 2017 (on and off).

My prayers to God went something like this

Please heal me
Please God help me
Please make me normal

To

Why are you doing this to me
What have I done to deserve this
Why do you want me ill

To

Please God, take me in my sleep I cannot live this life anymore.

Slowly I have drifted from God. I believe so much in him but I believe I disappoint him constantly and he has turned his back on me in shame, he won’t heal me, why would he.

I have been so ill for years, anxiety, depression, fatigue, I haven’t lived my life, I’ve just existed. It’s a full time job being ill constantly. In the 90s I abused anabolic steroids and took ecstasy on a weekly basis, I believe this is what fucked my brain up, in the early 2000s I probably needed TRT not antidepressants.

Ok, so I took my first Sertraline a few hours ago, I feel tired so I will rest this weekend.
I need this treatment to work alongside the TRT, if it doesn’t then I really don’t know what will happen to me.

Thanks so much for your story, I really appreciate you taking the time to share this with me/us.


#231

I can’t tell you how many times in my life I thought that God turned His back on me man. It’s easy to feel that way when you’re in a dark place. The one thing I know, is at least for me, I refused to let myself give up on having faith in Him. I forced myself to believe that no matter what, He hadn’t given up on me…and you know what? He didn’t.

I know it’s hard to understand and it’s even harder to deal with, but everything that I ever went through in my life, as bad as it was sometimes, brought me to the place I am now. You can’t see the forest when you’re in the midst of the trees, but as bad it seems, these times are NECESSARY for us to endure because the end result of making it through that…That’s what makes us better brother.

I heard a story one time of an old man that was a gold jeweler. He was standing over a pot with the fire going full blast. Another guy walks up to him and says “man that stuff is nothing but liquid. Why aren’t you going ahead pouring that into your mold?” The jeweler said, “it’s not ready.” Confused, the guy says, “what do you mean it’s not ready. It’s completely melted and it it probably can’t stand much more of the heat your putting into it.” The jeweler smiles and says, “this is the finest gold there is son. I know it’s melted and it looks like it’s going to ruin at any given second, but when you’re dealing with gold this pure it takes more time than you realize. It’s just not quite ready.” Even more confused, the guy asks, “well how do you know when it’s ready?” The jewelers face got very stern and he motions the guy to look into the pot of melting gold. Then he leans over and peers straight down into the pot beside the other guy and says, “when I can look down into this pot, see my own reflection. That’s when it’s ready.”

I think sometimes that God is this jeweler and we are his gold. It doesn’t seem like it’s fair that the heat keeps getting turned up, but in the end…it makes us pure. It makes us a reflection of Him.


#232

I love that story!

I haven’t given up on God and I thought there would be some purpose why I was like this, like I would come through the other side and do something great with my life. I have been waiting 20 years and time is just passing me by. I think I just need to accept I may never be well and just live the best life I can. I’m tired bro, so tired.


#233

Brother, what if your goal in life, the entire purpose (or maybe a part of that purpose) is for your daughters to watch their father endure unspeakable hardship, and still hold his head high? The character that you can instill into those girls may one day fuel them with passion so great that they lead a nation to peace. Or maybe they use that inspiration to rid the world of some disease? You never know who else is watching you go through this struggle, and how deeply your experience can affect others.

@pilchard
Who knows? Maybe part of my purpose was to live my life, and make it through to the other side just so one day I could develop primary hypogonadism, find myself needing TRT, find this forum looking for answers…all just so I could wake up in the middle of the night because I have insomnia right now due to changing protocols…look on this forum and see your thread about insomnia…and be inspired to share my story with you!! Now if it’s possible that God put ALL of that into motion, just so maybe He could somehow let you know in your darkest hour that He’s still there…why I’d say that makes you a very special man to Him indeed!!

Hang in there man. Peace will come.


#234

To be honest, I wouldn’t have suspected a serotonin deficiency could be to blame, it was one of the guys on my post who first mentioned it. Since then I have done some research and believe I am indeed deficient. Without this forum I wouldn’t have suspected this and would have carried on looking for a more physical answer, so yes, I believe I am being guided. I want to be well so much, I want to come through this and help other people going through what I am. Fingers crossed :crossed_fingers:


#235

Thanks mate for sharing your story/wisdom with me, it really means a lot to me bro


#236

I had a rediculous life to and it only makes you stronger. I’m glad I went through hell in my 20s. It got me on my feet and I am good today. Well I can at least have hope and realize it could be worse…

This life is short. It’s a hard one for most. I have reason to believe it’s a test. It brings me closer to the truth and where I should focus my efforts.


#237

Tonight’s read


#238

Did anyone look into CBD oil yet? I keep reading how awesome it is.


#239

Here in the UK the CBD oil is very weak or counterfeit. I made my own coconut/cannabis oil, half a tea spoon would blow my socks off, I stopped taking it because it was too trippy for me.
Great for cancer though!


#240

I suffer insomnia going on years, at least 6-8 years. Have tried most things over the years from meds to relaxation stuff. I find it does not effect me much in terms of energy, it’s like I don’t need the recommended amount of hours to function. I seem to do fine on less, it’s more sitting awake at early hours is highly boring at times. I’d much prefer to be sleeping normally