T Nation

In the midst of the presidential debate season

Please excuse the obligatory hottie post… but…

I offer you a debate of a different sort…one that we all can relate to:

Tonight we will see a heated debate between my genitals and my brain. These two worthy opponents have faced each other many times before but the debate never ends. Gentlemen, your opinions please.

Brain: Dude, this girl is hideous. Why are you talking to her and don?t say ?for good conversation.? She can barely even speak she?s so drunk. C?mon man, how are you gonna explain this to your friends tomorrow? Huh? Didn?t think about that, did ya? Do you really want to be known as the man who did that? You could do so much better than her?hey, what about that girl over there. I bet she?s real nice and look at how pretty she is. You two could probably even have a relationship instead of some stupid one nighter. You might even get married. But you?re never going to get to know that pretty girl if you?re stuck here talking to the fat one, are you? Plus, think of all the diseases the fat one probably has. She can?t be too picky; she just has to take what comes along. That could be anything from wayward bikers to drug abusers. Do you really want to do this? Oh no, shit?the fat one is going down your pants isn?t she?I guess you won?t be hearing from me anymo?

Genitals: YESSSSSSS!!! We rule, man. This chick is amazing! She?s going down the pants and we?re still at the bar! It?s gonna be a good night, man. What? Brain said she?s heinous? What does that idiot know? If it were up to him we?d be sipping mochas and reading some stupid poetry book. Listen, have I ever let you down? Well, have I? That?s what I thought?no. Sure, sometimes I make bad choices for but I?m just a bundle of nerves, blood and muscle, not a rocket scientist. Yes, that time in Amsterdam was pretty bad, but who suffered worse? All you had to do was rub some cream on me but I was covered in sores for a month?a month! I may have made bad choices before, but this time I?m positive that I?m right. Hell, I?m the reason we went out tonight in the first place. You?re not going to leave me hanging are you? Now, forget all that garbage that Brain was talking, this is the girl for you. Look at those curves?she?s like a race track! And I know you hate girls that are too skinny so this one is perfect. What? She missing teeth? What good are teeth anyway? They just get in the way and have the potential to seriously harm me. What are your other options? Sitting in your room alone tonight and beating me??please, not another night of that. I beg you. So, let?s pony up and get on with it. If you pass this up, the next time you find yourself in a situation like this I might not feel like ?getting up,? if you know what I mean. Oh, but Brain has one good point, I probably should be wearing my ?raincoat? tonight.

Point: Genitals

Dude, I did this same thing with myself four nights ago! The brain won, though. Here’s how mine went:

Brain: Man, have I had too much to drink tonight, or what? This girl is staring at me, and yes, the guard’s down a little right now, but jesus f-ing christ, she is NOT attractive. At all. Oh Gawd, she’s coming over to talk to me…

Genitals: That’s right, bitch. Come to Daddy.

Brain: Oh shit. I know what’s gonna happen, man. I just know. The next morning is gonna suck. Waking up next to this nightmare… I hate this. Damn you genitals!

Genitals: Hehehehe… yeah, go ahead, you can rub me, honey, it’s okay. Damn, you cut right to the chase, don’t ya? I LIKE that. Let’s cut the BS and get down to some lovin’… I’m all about that shit. Gimme a squeeze, baby. That’s right. I’ve already forgotten your name, but I don’t care. Fuck you, pussy-brain. This is why we come out at night.

Brain: I absolutely refuse to do this again and again, and hate myself in the morning. Fuck you genitals, this time, I’m winning this shit. It’s time to start doing shots. A good seven more or so, and you’ll be out like a light with whiskey dick you little bastard! Bruhuuuhuuhaaahaaahahahahaaa!!!

Point: Brain

P.S. You’re funny as shit, Xen. Sorry I don’t have a hot chick to post, but you’re the king of that shit anyway.

Good stuff guys.

Sounds like an SNL skit.