[quote]shoo wrote:
I don’t know where to start. I’ve always had a great memory and aced anything they gave to me from kindergarden to eight grade. In the eight grade (first time you get grades in Sweden) I realized I don’t need to do all this and stopped studying. The only time I spent studying was the 10-15 minutes before class in the morning, or on the brake before the test. I got a 275 total,that means I got the next highest grade in one more than half of my subjects, and the highest in all others. I needed 40 points to get into my gymnasium. It’s one of the lowest in Sweden I think.
Now I’m in the 10th grade and I hate everything about it. Especially my own decisions. And my self-pity. I had a choice when picking schools. It came down to the security of being with my best friend and getting to work out on school hours(less schoolwork), or an awesome school which leads on to anything I could possible ever imagine myself wanting to do. I of course chose being a fucking lazy pussy and going to the first one.
I’m pretty sure I want to be a firefighter. I’ll get to actually do something, and I’ll get to train. I’ll even help people (not that I actually care much about that, I guess it’ll sound good and make people respect me, it’s still helping them even if I’ll do it for bad reasons though). With the grades I’m getting now I will get a spot for an education.
Now I have to repeat what I did in math last year for one and a half years. And it was the only subject I didn’t already hate doing. I have to be in at least 80% of my classes regardless of my grades, or the government won’t give me any money. So now I’m sitting there playing games on my computer while memorizing enough to get grades similar to last year’s. I’m wasting 11 hours every fucking day doing less than I could accomplish in one hour if I just got a friend to send me the notes. I’m doing better than I need to, while doing absolutely nothing. I’m not smart. I don’t work hard. I don’t enjoy it. It’s ruining me, knowing that even if I would put my heart and soul into it, I wouldn’t go any farther than doing nothing.
For three months I’ve felt that the only thing that’s not completly pointless doing is lifting, and I’m not even good at it, but atleast I can improve in it and I get something to show for it. And I hate sounding and feeling like this fucking arrogant emo kid. FUCK, I hate being this stupid, arrogant emo kid.
I guess it’s just a phase, it’ll probably pass when I get a job and start seeing a few girls. I just need to look for the job and gather up some courage for the action. Screw that, I just need to take action. And keep myself together until I’m out of school. I feel so goddamn pathethic complaining that I have it easy. Lots of people work hard to get what I’m bitching about.
I’m probably just complaining about school because I don’t want to admit I have no social life, so school and working out are the only constants in my life. I haven’t been over to a friend in months. I really just have one friend I’ve ever visited a significant ammount of times, even though I have a decent group of friends in school.
Fuck this, when school begins I’ll start going over to some friends and try to find a job. Make me feel like shit if I don’t, either I’ll thank you or I’ll become an hero, it’s a win-win for you all, really.
I’m sorry to throw all this negativity into your thread, I just needed to write it down.
Also, notice I used You’re instead of Your, etc.
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man dude thats like how i feel exactly, just like living a pointless life when i could be doing so many better things, i glad you wrote all of that down because that’s what i wanted to read. i think we all have slumps some bigger than others but it does feel good just to vent them and thats what i needed