T Nation

I'm so lonely I could cry

Tom Jones does a song called that. Hey speaking of lonely, am I the only person in the whole universe who doesn’t have anybody?? Even bionic has a girlfriend now (is she the same as bionicwoman? If not then forget it) I feel like an unpaired electron (just like in a paramagnetic molecule). With all this talk about Valentine’s day & seeing all those couples together, making me incredibly jealous & not sick to my stomach at all just reminded me one more time that I don’t have a girlfriend. What I really want is to call a girl sweetie, sugarplum, angeldrawers or pussycat, etc. There was a girl I met on the bus (not the same one as before) shopping at work today & I was going to ask her out & I asked her if she’s quit the job she hates & she said her boyfriend is out of work so she can’t afford to quit so I didn’t ask her (that was a close one).

Drax, what are you doing to try to meet people? In my experience you never find someone when you are ‘looking’ they tend to fall in your lap when you have truly given up.

haha that’s not true Michelle, I’ve “not looked” for 3 years and there isn’t anything in my lap, cept for the third leg, and its lonely.

You’re not the only one. But don’t let it get you down, something good will come around. You can’t be jealous of other people if you don’t really try to hook up w/ a girl. But it looks like you did try, just try a lil harder. I don’t try at all, but thats my decision. Trying to focus on my dreams.

“You attract to you not what you want, but that which you are.” If you’re looking to find the perfect person, work on being the perfect person. You have the golden opportunity in your hands.

Michelle is right, people land in your lap (so to speak) when you aren’t “looking”. That doesn’t mean you should shut yourself off, however. Get out there and mingle and when you least expect it, someone will be there.
Do not come across like you are desperate however. Nothing scares a woman off more than the desperate! Be yourself, try new things, be open to dating people that don’t necessarily match your “ideal”.
And no, you aren’t alone. By the sounds of many of the threads on this forum, you are just one of many who are either alone, or very disatisfied with the one they’re with.

No offense, but I hope you’re not giving off that vibe to women. Unlike some men (who get off on that knight in shining armor thing), women aren’t attracted to needy, lonely, desperate, pathetic-acting men. Confidence attracts others, not a “woe is me” attitude. I’m not just busting your balls here; it’s just that I’ve noticed a lot of pity parties going on here at the forum lately. Life is a battle sometimes and I’m seeing too many people running up the white flag.

well… you have to look by not looking. Go out to have fun not ‘hookup’, when you meet new people absolutely intend to NOT date them. What I have found is when you are absolutely sure you don’t want anything, you act more like yourself… and when someone is comfortable they are more sure of themselves, and people who are self confident get noticed. Just my experience…

Wow. That was touching. I wish things were different for you. But from the looks of it, I dont think things will ever change. I’m sorry it has to end this way for you.

Draxer
Vain here…i am in your same boat…24yrs old and all the t-freques here should know me by now…i echo the thoughts of all the other posters…you can “not look” go out and “mingle” etc. etc. Bottom line in my book (i am single) is that the key word is patience…just be yourself, do your thing, talk to everyone (incl. people that do not fit your prototype) and it will happen…what i have seen in my current position (researcher at an old college) is that women (and men) for that matter at a younger age lack the passions that are so integral to a successful life–they do not care about any one thing very passionately…i too want “that” girl to be with, but rather than call her this or that, which i would do, i need a WOMAN to challenge me intellectual, compete with me, and be my equal…sounds “perverbial” and cliche, but i need it…i need to be constantly challenged, and in return, i’ll do the same thing…people have criticized my intensity in what i do, but screw them, thats how i am…we’ll get there bra–just stay true to yourself.
I’m out

I don’t know what your preferences for social activities, but have you tried night clubs, clubs, school organizations, etc? It’s one thing to run up the white flag, but another to bemoan the choice once you’ve made it. In other words, if you want to give up and forget about it, then you have to forget about it. Concentrate on other things, don’t let yourself be drawn into a one man pity party (yes, I should take my own advice). Otherwise, get out there. Good luck.

You work at a safeway? Come on, don’t tell me there isn’t a nice, low-risk flirting environment at a convenience store.

drax, it is the same person. i don’t have a girlfriend. i wasn’t attracted to that girl either. i am completely straight, believe me i love men and wouldn’t ever have a homosexual experience for all the money in the world. and to respond to your question, no you are not alone. you are united with the many of us who are single too and want to come home and have someone there for us. patience, hon, it will come to you. and to clarify one more time, i am not a lesbian.

I’m not one of those wuss guys! When a girl yells at me or something, I don’t cower like a pansy, I say something liek ‘wow you are UGLY when you are angry!’ or something like that, so I don’t take crap when I don’t want to. I’m not like that all the time though so don’t think I’m an asshole.

Do you have any buddies? How did you meet them? What did you talk about at first? There are a lot of people in the world and yet you only have so many friends. Something about them attracted you, you got to know them one way or another and things went from there. The same thing goes for women. If you see one that catches your eye just go talk to her. Don’t treat her any differently than anyone else. Just talk. If you get to know her and she gets to know you then things might go further or not. It’s not worth worrying about the first time you meet them though. Asking a girl to meet for coffee, go for a walk, or have a beer isn’t a marriage proposal. Once you demystify the process of meeting and talking to women you’ll gain the confidence you need to not come off as needy or insecure. Oh, and just because she’s a hottie doesn’t mean she won’t like you. You might be the first guy to actually talk to her. Lots of guys are intimidated by looks, not realizing that she’s just a person like anyone else, she just looks better on the outside.

Try this: Get some cards printed up with your name & phone number. If you’re chatting up a girl & it seems to be going well, hand her one and say something like ‘It’s been really nice talking with you, I’d love it if you’d call me sometime.’ That might be easier for you than asking for a date.

Susy, I have never ever known a woman to call when given a number. Ever. In fact, I found out years later that a girl I’d given my number to “really wanted to date” me, but wanted me to call her. Oh well. Maybe you know more enlightened women than I do. :slight_smile:

Also, make cards and hand them to girls you want with “smile if you want to have sex with me” printed on them. really, it works. :slight_smile: oh yeah, i’m alone as well and i agree, it’s not fun.

Rent the movie “The tao of steve”, it’s got some really good advice about how to approach and act around women. It’s all tongue in cheek but a lot of it holds true.

Whoa, I’m 24 years old just like Vain, and I’m still looking for that special someone. I know I’m not the perfect example on this forum, but I’m learning a lot from this thread. I have to agree with Chris S. in that confidence attract others. After all, if your down and depressed, why would anyone want to hang with you? You’ll only bring them down. Hey, I can’t offer you any advice on how to meet a woman so you can have a long term relationship with her, but what I can tell you is if you are ever lonely, get the fuck away from your house and be with your friends. At least they can fill in that void of emptiness. Otherwise you might see yourself eating Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream and crying over to that movie Beaches.