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I'm Fat, Weak & Tired of Wasting my Life. I Need Help

nutrition

#1

I’m a 22, 89kg, and 5.8 male, lost 110 pounds. And this is a post asking for help,
I’m desperate and definitely in need of motivation and advice. I’m tired of going to the gym and diet for 3 weeks then stop and telling myself I’ll start the next week, I’m tired of being weak and waking up aching and depressed and insecure. tired of loneliness and thinking about the future and how I’m 22 yo and look like an old man and every one of my friends body’s are better than me and I’m not enjoying the way I look in this age, of caloric defict’s, of the idea that I can’t make any push ups or pull ups, of everything. I feel like I’ve been wasting my life by not being physically well enough to enjoy the time I’ve been given so far and I want to change that.

I’m at the point where something needs to change because there’s no point in me living like this anymore. I can’t fake anything anymore. My personality doesn’t match my body and my body is affecting my personality to the point that I get afraid to be my personality, I think like 50 times before going to the gym. I hate everything about me.

I’ve been doing caloric deficit for months now after my last 110 pounds weight loss but I regain the weight that I loss because I lose my motivation pretty fast and I’ve no friends that are interested to go to the gym with me. The way my body looks and the idea that my body looks will not change during the caloric deficit and stronglifts 5x5 strength training except maybe some after a year or so because I’m a beginner that just makes me very very down every time I think about the gym.

Every morning I wake up and dislike the way I look, the way my arms looks. I’ve spent money on new clothes, all sizes are small for me, telling myself that “it’ll fit when you just lose the weight.” Yet they still sit in the closet. I can’t dress the way I want to because I don’t look good, I can’t take pictures of myself because I hate the way I look, I have no photos with my friends in high school because I didn’t look good and I was afraid to take pictures with them. I feel so held back. Like I’m wasting my life. I’m lonely, sad, fat, weak.

I have access to a gym and a membership, I have a bicycle. but I have no energy. I want to change. I want to get physically fit and strong. I want to go play football with friends. I want to start living life and enjoying… everything in this age. Like I can do this. I just don’t know how or why I feel like I’m at a roadblock.

What advice do you have for someone who is starting out? I would love someone to just talk to about all this because it’s overwhelming and depressing. I’m sorry for another “help me I’m fat” post. I want to change. And if anything, thanks for just letting me rant and get all this out because the pressure from it is so overwhelming. Thanks.


#2

There’s a lot to unpack here. First off, you’ve lost 110 lbs? Congrats, that’s a huge accomplishment. Use that as motivation to keep getting better.

Your diet can probably be a bit more flexible now, just make sure you’re eating good clean food and at a minor deficit. No need to for big time calorie restrictions anymore.

You don’t need anyone to go to the gym with you. If they don’t lift, well whatever, but if they don’t want to join you because of your appearance, fuck them. SL5x5 is fine for now, or any other beginner program. Just get in there, throw some headphones in, ignore everyone else around you and get the work done. Maybe you’ll make some gym friends who will help keep you motivated at some point.

Most of all, don’t change who you are based off your appearance. Just be yourself always. That’s going to help you through the highs and lows, and keep you on the right track. Lying to yourself will never help.


#3

In this order:

  • you control what you do with your life. If you don’t like the choices you’ve been making, make different choices;
  • you don’t need anyone’s support, approval or permission to achieve what you want to do;
  • achieving anything is going to involve a fair amount of discomfort, trepidation and above all TIME. Accept this;
  • motivation is bullshit. Discipline and consistency are the foundations of achievement;
  • what you will need to do to achieve your goal will probably change over time, so start by making the smallest change possible so elicit the greatest change possible. This will leave you room to move when that stops working.

#4

Congrats on the weight loss. If you are looking for an actual plan, Google:

Help A Friend Get Stronger

From Jim Wendler’s Website (can’t link here)

Follow it to a T, and I mean to a T.

Give it one year, and I imagine you’ll be shocked with the results.


#5

I dont really get the motivation thing. If I needed motivation I’d get to work once per month and I would have dropped out of school at 13.


#6

@mr.v3lv3t

@MarkKO @TX_iron

Thanks very much everybody for replying and taking the time to write that I appreciate it, I will keep all of that in mind but how I can overcome routine and loneliness? my routine is basically wakeup - breakfast - computer - gym - launch - computer - dinner - the urge to eat more -computer - sleep

I don’t have a job and my college system has no attend for me because it’s very far so I just study and go for the exams, It’s a bad college and I will get no job in the future relying on it but I had to join it anyway, so I’m just learning online and if I get a job at a store or something I will not be able to eat or train right or even learning online for a good future job and it will be 8 hours a day, my friends don’t call ever to meet or something, And I just found that when I see myself on a specific routine like the one I wrote I just find myself trying to break it, I don’t know why exacly but this routine (diet - at home all day - no friends to talk to even in the gym ) makes me depressed but I find happiness in food that I don’t find outside, And sorry If this is offtopic but I don’t have a chance to talk freely to someone.

@strongmangoals

It’s not 100% motivation thing, It’s more complicated, thanks for the reply.


#7

Which of those do you see zero way out of?


#8

No, it isn’t. Effectively you have a ton of time. You can do what you want, when you want. Eating isn’t expensive. Rice, potatoes, eggs, milk, vegetables, beans, lentils and some kind of meat are something almost anyone who has access to the internet will have access it.

Do what is necessary. Reap the results.

Or don’t. Choice is yours.


#9

I’ve always been of the opinion that you need to start being the person you want to become.

  • Look at fit people, do they spend 6+ hours on a computer everyday if they don’t need to?
  • Look at strong people and what they put in thier shopping trolley.
  • Look to slim people and how often you see them walking outdoors.

Now look at that routine again and let’s try to even it up. You have 3 computer sessions and 1 movements session. I realise you have to study but I’m sure you could swap a computer for an outside walk? Start small and build up.

Your 89kg and 5.8" so you obviously still have a bit of fat, but not so much that you can’t be moving around more. Do you want to try any sports? Maybe help out a local tradesman a few days a week?

You seriously can do whatever the fuck you want in your days but instead you mope around doing a uni course that you don’t even believe in. Get a good goal and go for!


#10

@strongmangoals

Thanks for the reply, I think If the friend’s part is solved I will be mentally healthy and then I will not try to break the transformation routine anymore or get depressed like always, but what can I do about it.

@MarkKO @Irishman92

Thanks for replying, I think I got it now, I will try out everything you’ve said and keep them in mind, but about the training routine, I have been doing stronglifts along with bar curls and triceps extension for 3 weeks before quitting it in the fourth week, I like it but I’ve been overthinking somethings about it, Say I’m in a caloric deficit of 1700 foe and doing stronglifts from 89kg’s till my weight goal, So my strength will increase over time but what about my body shape? I know that strength training is not the best for aesthetics so should I do it till I finish my weight loss process then change it to something that focuses more on aesthetics?, Another thing is I feel that squatting three times a week is too much for my knees and back even with a good form and that it will be affecting them in later in age, Don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to make excuses, But I’m just anxious about myself.


#11

I think there are plenty of strategies available to you. First you are able to call your friends instead of waiting to be called.

You can also widen your network. Join groups that do stuff you enjoy. Volunteering is a great way to meet people. You can move into shared accomodation. If this is extremely important to you and impacting your quality of life, then make an effort to get to college in person.


#13

unfortunately, I’m the one who calls all the time but all I hear from them is excuses because they are busy or at work or tired, there are some obstacles in some of the things u wrote but I will figure something out from this ideas.


#14

Just to start if you’re doing any kind of training at 1700 cal/day when you weigh 89 kg almost nothing good is going to happen.

With the attitude of worrying about getting beat up, if you’re genuinely interested in achieving something with your strength and physique you’re going to hurt. You might manage to avoid getting injured, but you’re damn sure going to hurt fairly frequently. If you can’t deal with that, walk away now.


#15

I used this calculator to check my bmr and I got 1790 for losing 2pounds a week but with 3 times a week exercise I got 2050 now for also losing 1-2pounds, I didn’t make my decision with a number of calories yet I’m here to just taking advice’s and this is one of them, I’m open to any advice, I tend to overthink and complicate things but I really want to change this because that’s one of the things I hate about me, I can deal with getting pain or be uncomfortable sometimes but I was talking about getting injured from doing such movements too much a week. again I don’t try to make excuses I really want to achieve this life goal,


#17

Mate. You make excuses EVERY post.

Train consistently. Add weight and reps as you go. Eat right 90 per cent of the time. Do this for several years, making slight changes as you go to keep progressing. Along the way you’ll get hurt a few times. Figure out how to fix it without stopping. If you’re lucky and smart you may avoid serious injury. But you may not. Accept that.


#18

haha, I really just discussing about the things that I think about all the time with no solution and to eliminate them from my head but I think I know now the steps that I should take, thanks very much man for answering.


#19

Don’t make excuses, make solutions.

  1. Post a form video, if not…
  2. Reduce squatting volume, if not…
  3. Get knee sleeves, if not
  4. Swap your back squats for goblet squats or front squats or zercher squats or trap bar squats or etc…

It’s good you are asking for help, but no one will answer that it’s going to be easy and here are all the tricks and cheats. Coz there are none.


#20

for motivation I stand in front of a mirror and open my eyes

(can’t remember where I stole that from)


#21

I don’t think you’re mad enough yet. Maybe you don’t have it in you. When I got the chance to slow down my brain and routine following my divorce, I looked at myself: 175lbs scrawny and fat! My DL had dropped from 500 to 335, squat from 425 to 300, and everything else at a similar ratio. I was straight up PISSED, and made the decision that I WASN’T going to continue being fat and weak. As a matter of fact, I’m still pissed that I let that happen, but dammit I’m climbing back up.

So he question here is: are you going to get mad enough to do what you gotta do? Or lay down and accept where you are?


#22

@Irishman92 @AlterNatesArms @MarkKO @mr.v3lv3t

Thanks very much for the reply’s, I made my mind and I’m ready for it and motivated and I began dieting and exercising and I lost some weight in the last week since I made this thread but now I’ve been thinking about a 5 days or 4 split routine with legs day and squats or DL and 6 exercises per body part that might improve my motivation and consistently to go to the gym and train different body parts and try new machine’s and movements to get any newbie size gains and strength, I know that I should do strength training since I’m a beginner but I’ve tried them on and off for I think 4 month’s, I read that this period is nothing in weight lifting but I found that they are just not fun for me, I want any newbie size under my excess skin and to improve my mentality but the good thing that I know the basics of the compound movements. what is ur advice?