Title is a bit misleading,
It wasn’t exactly a South Central L.A. drive-by…
This was in North London tonight,in a decent neighbourhood.
So I’m walking along the street,
Its like 11:30 at night,I’m minding my business,
and this car slows down,and the guy in the passenger seat throws an egg at me!!
Motherfucker!!
Punks with nothin’ better to do,driving around egging people!!
The egg hit the floor,but a lot of it splattered over my shoes…
And I was wearing my Converse All Stars…THESE ARE MY LIFTING SHOES!!
I was kind of in shock,just staring down at my shoes covered in egg,just traumatised,I mean,I could handle it if they were my cross trainers,or some other leather shoe that wipes clean,but these are my Chucks,man!!
The egg is gonna soak into the canvas!!
It’s a dark street,so I try getting a better look at them,to see the damage,and as I look round,
I see the car has stopped about 80 yards down the road,and one of these pudknockers is sticking his head out of the window,presumably to see if they got me.
So I’m thinking,do I walk over,or do damage control on my Chucks before it dries in?
I grab a few leaves off the street,and wipe some off.
Then I start walking over.
But as I’m walking over,I think to myself how I don’t even know how many people are in that car,there could be five of these punks.
For all I know,one or more of them have a bat,a tyre iron,a knife,a gun.
I can’t see as it’s dark-they could be big guys or scrawny fucks. Perhaps they are waiting for me to get closer for this very reason,perhaps even this is part of some gang initiation,or part of the fun-they beat up or maim whoever responds.
Flashbacks of true crime programmes like Crimewatch played in my head,I imagined me being a statistic (Stabbings and shootings are at an all-time high in London)
Then I thought even if I smack them around a bit,knowing my luck,cops will drive past and I’ll get arrested for assault!
I then thought-at the very least,one of 'em could probably hit me with another egg before I get over there,and then they drive off.
Or maybe they are just gonna wait until I get over there and then drive off fast,laughing and goading me.
That would just piss me off even more than if I had just walked on! Yeah,maybe thats exactly the response they want. Then I thought of how so many experienced Martial Artists,including my mentor when I practised Kickboxing and my Sensei now I study Shotokan Karate,would frown on my response and aggression.
Their words played through my head.
They would probably play it down and laugh it off,being philosophical that it is still a fight I can walk away from,and if a fight was to kick off,although they provoked me,I would be the instigator.
Self-defence is a long way from what I had in mind. I wanted to drag these fuckers out of the car and beat them to a pulp,I wasn’t going over for an apology. This happened on a dark,empty street.
No-one saw it.
So my pride wasn’t hurt as such,
and I had nothing to prove.
But still I’m moseying over like John Wayne.
Main difference being I don’t have two big-ass Colt .45’s under my jacket,which would really swing the odds in my favour.
About halfway,I stopped.
I’m 30 years old,I’m too old for this shit!
They drove off.
So I turn round and walk on.
Proud of how I walked away,not even shouting or waving my fist at them.
Nope,don’t give 'em the satisfaction…
Then I think ‘You know what,they’re probably gonna circle the block and take another shot! motherfuckers!’
and just then,I spot this brick just sitting there.
I never noticed it before.
Now it just seems so inviting.
So I think ‘If they come round again,they’re getting this brick through the fucking side window! jerkoffs! Then i’m gonna go Jackie Chan on their ass if they stop!’
So I pick up the brick,feel the weight of it,do a few arm circles to warm up with the brick,get used to the weight and feel of it.
Then I take a seat on a wall and wait for these jerkoffs.
I waited for them.I actually HOPED they would come round again.
5 minutes passed,but they never came back.
Sorry,Sensei,I am still a Grasshopper,I guess,I’m on the path,but I guess I’m not a Martial Artist yet.
