Alright, yes, I am a train wreck. I’m 28, nearly 29. I stand 5’8" and weigh 260 lbs. How much is muscle? Not much, my BF% is a faaaaantastic 50%. Oh yeah. That’s right. I’ve got tits bigger than Lara Flynn Boyle (but who doesn’t?). My penis is like Bigfoot, I’m pretty sure it exists, but it’s only rarely glimpsed. And leaves intriguing footprints.
Anyway… I’ve got stretch marks like a woman that had triplets. I’m as strong as an asthmatic 80 year old. I breathe hard going up stairs.
I’m goddamn tired of being a fat bastard.
Here’s some history: I’ve always been overweight, but never this bad. I worked out some back in high school. In my early 20’s I did martial arts until I injured my shoulder at work (rotator cuff). Physical therapy helped until I re-injured it a year or so later working on my truck. I did yoga for a couple months and really liked it. But an extended vacation took me out of my habit and that was the end of that.
I lost my job, and so stopped going to the dojo for lack of cash. I went back to college to get a degree, and that’s when things really went downhill. I sat in my car for 45 minutes each way while driving. I grabbed fast food on my way to school. While there, I SAT in class, then I SAT in the computer lab. For most of the day. I’d SIT to study then when I’d get home, I’d eat late and watch TV. My ass was planted pretty much all day, every day. I attempted some workouts at home, but never really stuck with them for that long. Now, I’ve gotten a job where I sit at a computer for 10 hours a day. Which, also, has not helped my shoulder. Or my ass.
Well, I’ve cleaned up my diet some. I have a Cliff bar for breakfast (low glycemic, 9g of protein) as opposed to a McD’s sandwich. I have yogurt for a snack as opposed to nothing or cookies. For lunch I’ve been having lunch meat wraps or asian soups (Thai Kitchen) as opposed to Chipotle, cheesesteaks, or burgers. For a second snack I have either yogurt or an apple as opposed to a candy bar. Dinner has been cut back from being absolutely HUGE to being more reasonable and more healthy. I really only drink water, tea and coffee. I have an occasional beer and the even rarer pop. Like maybe once a month rare.
As for exercise, well, the most I get is jerking off in the shower (I’m going for strength, so I try to stick to 3x3’s). Okay, seriously, I’ve been walking more, trying to do some jumping jacks, stair push-ups and bodyweight squats. I’ve also been using some bands to try and rehab my shoulder some. The pushups kind of make it ache after 3 sets of 10.
Health, well I wheeze if I breathe really heavy for a while. I mentioned my shoulder before. I have a slight groin hernia, very slight, a doc checked it out. I laid it to my wife a little too hard one night apparently. Occasionally I have knee pain, shock of shocks. My cholesterol is 230, and my fasting glucose is 88.
So, a guy at work wanted to lose 25 lbs, from 175 to 150. I decided to make a wager with him, to give me some drive. I have to lose 37 lbs (14% of my body weight) before he does to win. So now I finally have some motivation. To beat his ass.
Equipment I’ve accumulated: ancient stationary bike, 5-foot standard bar with various weights, a thick bar made from pipe, 2 sets of adjustable dumbbells, a couple physio balls, a heavy bag, a pull up bar, an ab wheel (tweaked my shoulder a bit on that), a jumprope, and a bench.
I’ve read the Training for Newbies articles. What other reading is recommended? Although, I tend to be the kind of guy who reads all about a subject, and then does nothing with that knowledge. I do not want that to happen again.
I’ve been frustrated with myself for far too long, and I’m tired of being winded by a light jog, tired of my heart beating fast after running upstairs, tired of feeling stiff, achy and weak.
So, Does anyone have some tips for a simple fat loss exercise program? I want to clear the brush before I build a mansion. I know this won’t be easy or quick, but I’m hoping someone can slap some training wheels on me and give me a shove in the right direction. And cure me of my love of metaphor and similes, maybe.
I thank you in advance for your help.