T Nation

I need your advice guys!


I'm engaged to be married within the next several months. Me and my fiance's sex life has been active and I've tried to be open and as wild as he wants in bed. I initiate sex every day and am more than willing to do whatever it takes to satisfy him (any way he wants it).

Being a typical single guy before we met he kept a porn mag in his bathroom. At the beginning of our relationship this didn't phase me but now that we are planning on getting married and we've settled into a serious relationship it bothers me he still feels the need to keep his Swank magazine to jack off to. (Ok, wait and hear the whole story before you judge me....)

What I don't get is that the photos of these women in the Swank magazine are mostly of women using dildos. Now I own a vibrator and have offered to include it in our sex romps but he has seemed offended and not interested.

I don't understand why he will jack off to photos of women using objects but when I suggest doing this with him he gets all weird. And since I'm willing to pretty much do anything in bed with him (anytime) and initiate sex more than he does - why would he still jack off to porn mags?

Now the flip side of this is that I too enjoyed my porn mag before we got involved. I USED TO HAVE a pretty racy male magazine that showed guys with huge hard ons that I used to masturbate to but I threw it away after I fell in love - I really didn't feel the need to look at other men after I became serious with my fiance. My man is not that well endowed and I never wanted to risk him finding my magazine and feeling intimidated by the fact I liked looking at men with big erect hard ons. I do everything to try and make him feel like he's the stud and he-man of my dreams.

Since he has kept his porn mag and feels a need to refer to it despite my open sexuality I am wanting to buy me another stud mag to keep in my lingere drawer for days I want to play by myself.

Out of consideration and respect to him I trashed my mag but feel a little put off by the fact he hasn't parted ways with his Swank mag.

Think this would cause problems on down the road? My thoughts are why should I give up my secret masturbation fantasies if he's not! Nothing turns me on faster than seeing gorgeous men holding huge erections but I just didn't want to hurt my man in any way but figure he can do it so can I.

What do you guys think?


Have you thought about perhaps talking to him?


Nice eloquent post for your first one on a primarily male lifting board revealing your sexual interests. Also interesting that you're from Texas. Do you know Agathos or booknerdbabe?


hoo boy. Well, if your guy is really that under-endowed, maybe the reason he got offended about you bringing dildos, etc. into the relationship is that it sounded to him as though you were saying that he wasn't big enough to satisfy you.

Porn is natural. If you want to keep a mag of your own, do so. But it sounds like you two have a lot of talking to do.


Neither of you should have to give up your porn mags or feel threatened by the other possessing them. It should not be an issue. Go buy yourself the porn mag whith the pics of the big dicks and knock yourself out.


There is nothing wrong with what your future husband is doing. ALL men jerk off. We have to. It's a lifelong passion that will always be no matter how much sex we are getting with however many beautiful girls. Don't get put off by it and honestly I don't think you should stop diddlin yourself every once and awhile if you feel like it. It's natural.


I'm pretty sure this is some t-vixen playing jedi mind tricks on us as punishment for the stupid article in this week's mag. That being said, I need some "quiet time" to go think about her getting horny looking at pictures of....aaaaahhhh! oh, ok I'm better now.


Second Ben Tyson.

Also, do you want to get the mag just to get even with him for not ditching his mag?

As to the whole thing between pictures and real life, some people like to keep space between fantasy and reality -- especially if they consider their fantasies "dirty." Going back to theme above: talk to him.


Good advice, Ben (Dover). Just kidding! Let him keep a small scrap of personal time and try to understand why. This is the best thing you can do for your relationship. Guys don't have horniness and love so wrapped together as many women do. When you try to invade that personal time, it freaks him out. A guy can't devote every ounce of his arousal to one women. Leave him this harmless vent or it will build up. If you need help coming to this acceptance or do not believe it is the best choice, take yourselves to premarital counseling. It is about understanding, acceptance, and feeling cherished, not removing healthy outlets.


One more thing-- I wish you both the best!


i think wideguy nailed it. i don't care how much tang i get if the need to spank it arises then so be it. nothing against you, just something we do. how small can it be? if he is under 5" well then your dildo better be too, i could see major insecurity issues cuming from that. and you should be able to have your own porn stash. no time to spell check.


Thanks for those who replied. No I'm not playing games on any of you - I'm a real chick who just wanted random advice from total strangers since I don't want to discuss this with people I know!

Your advice has been well taken - I'm going to accept my fiance the way he is and hope he can accept me (and my guy magazines) as well!


One of the reasons he could be upset by your offer to include your dildo is that he does not want to think of you in the same way as the Swank girls. It could just come down to the fact he respects you too much.




Cool. Sometimes it helps to get a completely unbiased opinion from guys on the internet, as most are masturbation experts anyway. :slight_smile: But seriously, an objective opinion can be a big boost.

So how did you find us? I would assume you're into lifting? Would you mind telling us a little more about yourself? It's always nice to get to know new people.


Oh, and Sandman had a really good point.


I'm going to say it because I know there's a few out there who are thinkin it.

Texans are wierd.

If you're rocking the vibrator with your dudemag as part of your extracurriculars I cannot see the problem.

However, there are plenty of other good magazines out there besides "Swank"
He needs to find a better publication!