T Nation

I Need Some Tough Love

Been depressed for 8 months. Failed the police exam. Got shafted at works on my hours in exchange of a promotion that I’ll actualy never have (plus the fact that it’s shit and the pay is garbage). Split up with the love of my life in january. Tried to talk and see each other for 3 months but now it’s over since she has met someone. I’ve fantasised my suicide for 6 months. I’m just so tired of crying all the time and not wanting anything. Even the gym doesn’t motivate me anymore.

I need you guys to roast me or whatever to help me find the motivation to move my fucking ass and get my life in order. Please… It helped me when I was too fat

I know you’re probably broke due the things you mentioned but you need serious counseling help to address depression of this level. Suicide and talking about isnt funny and it sure as hell aint an answer to anything. A woman and a job are not worth your fucking life! OK? There are tons of both out in the world. Maybe you need an entire change in location, environment, stimulus, etc?

Can you move, go to school, learn a trade, maybe even consider the military? I know you’re seeking help and we can talk to you but you really need to talk to a professional.

Yes I went to the doc right now I think I’ll go the counselling route. I’m 29, too old for school, but yeah changing completely my environment, feels desirable

It’s hard to find reason when you’ve been in that state for so long. I know it’s stupid but she was the most important thing in my life. She loved me more than I ever think anyone could, especially someone like her. I spend the best memories of my life with her. I changed for her as well as she changed me. I got this job for her. To try. But I still had not changed enough. I have been trying very hard this year to become a better person. So now I’m really bitter. Full of regrets, that won’t pass, even if the pain will pass someday. I know someone shouldn’t be your reason to live, but honestly I can’t find anything now. I just feel so alone, even though i’m not.

Yeah as above see a professional.

Grab a copy of ‘Feeling Good, the new mood therapy’ by David Burns MD (professor of psychiatry at Stanford) -has great exercises and perspectives for helping break negative thought loops that come with serious depression

Just keep moving forward and make a clean break from your ex -delete all old photos and texts. block her and all her friends and family on social media etc. If catch yourself daydreaming about her immediately try and break the thought pattern and start doing somekind of activity that will force you to focused on the task in hand

Force yourself to go out somewhere social and talk to new girls at least 1+ times a week even if it means just going through the motions

Hang out only with buddies that make you laugh/very positive. Stay the fuck away form anyone who likes to bitch and even moan if close friends and family.

Bang some strange.

watch comedys regularly.

As gym not doing it, maybe take a break and switch to something like swimming, combat or outdoor sports etc

horseshit … I got my undergrad when I was 31

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What’s your background? I know it might sound corny but there are temp positions with the National Park Service, the National Forest Service that will put you in some new country and get you outdoors. Lots of new places and faces and time to think.

Well you have to be feeling a little better without that XXL strap on in your ass.

Now that you aren’t a human Ken doll/Russian cam whore, figure out who you are and what you need to do for yourself to be happy (Besides being spit roasted by your gf.)

If I remember right, you’ve done some tremendous work on your physique. I’d recommend entering any public space and being swarmed by cock monkeys as a little pick me up.

That actually kept me happy for several decades. Still not sure why I actually got married.

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Well you’re right. But I have no savings, no one to help me (in fact I help financially my handicapped mother) and I don’t know if I’ll manage to find the courage/energy to work a shitty job full time + school with inferior life conditions than right now for 1- 3 years.

I hear ya man … gotta be in the right headspace to take on that amount of stress without at doubt … I’m just saying it can be done … also, don’t shun the public library in terms of learning new thinks, etc … it’s there for a reason and is a wealth of information for those seeking it

Done that the first 3 months. Now I had to delete everything that we exchanged these last 4 months, and have new memories to forget.

That’s the thing. My job is mind numbing and I’m constantly daydreaming. I spoke about her everyday, for hours, to my friends, my family, even at the gym, at work… I miss her family, her cat, I was there when he was born and I took care of him for months… I feel empty.

Ah I’ll try to get on some apps. Never done it before. But honestly I have zero confidence, and I don’t think I ever hit on girls.

I think I’m gonna go back to crossfit, I’ll see some more people and do different things

I live in France so I don’t think that’s gonna happen ahah. But I precisely don’t want to think.

That’s one of the issues I had to face when I started working. Lived my life as an ugly duckling and suddenly all the girls were onto me, and it was hard to cope with as a weird introvert guy. But yeah I’ll try to take the advice of the playerest of my friends and chase some girls if I muster the courage

You’ve used that phrase several times now.

Are you feeling a great deal of fear or insecurity?

I always have a bit. Right now obviously a lot. I failed my studies. This year all the things I tried failed. I don’t think I can really achieve something consequent.

Is the French Foreign Legion still a thing? :joy:

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Yeah it is! Actually I have applied to the Gendarmerie (which is military)

Cool! Military time is a great way to get a fresh start. Nobody knows you and can basically “re-invent” yourself.

Just my opinion, and it could be way off, but I believe lives can be built on small victories, and you need a win right now.

Go find something relatively simple but challenging that you can do. Work through it. Whether it’s a big steep hill climb or what ever, get through it and get that win. Build from it.

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So I keep a journal, write in it at the very least once a week, on average 3x a week…

I’ve noticed, reading through it, when I start my day writing out a to do list and knocking off a few of the simpler tasks first it sets me up to tackle the larger tasks by mid-day…

Anecdotal for sure, but getting a couple early wins under my belt helps me focus on tackling those that seemed daunting before the smaller wins

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I think you’re right and that I definitely need one. But I might be wrong, but I don’t really see a victory in something I’m sure I can achieve, it’s just doing something.

Ok. Then make it something that you know you can and should do, but haven’t.

We all have a couple of those lingering in the back of our mind somewhere.