T Nation

I Need Some Advice

I need some help.

There has been some ugliness creeping into my life lately. I was having issues with a classmate (I’m in high school, age 18)over a large sum of money he owes me.

And now I’ve found out that he has been spreading lies about me all over the school, and people who I have considered my friends are dropping off and refusing to have anything to do with me. Today is Saturday, I have school again on Monday. Between now and then, I need to find a way to get my fight back.

I’m not a bad person, in fact, I’m quite the opposite. I lent this former friend of mine over $100 for a gym membership because he wanted to improve himself. And not only did he never go, he decided to stiff me on the cash and start acting like a self-righteous jerk. Really classy, huh? I lend the guy money, give him regular advice on what to eat and how to train, and he stiffs me and spreads lies about me.

The thing is, I can’t even prove it. Don’t you hate when that happens? You know something is true, but you cannot back it up with facts? It’s terrible.

That’s the backstory of my problem. I’ve decided that I want to confront him and my former friends, in person no less. Since this cowardly former friend of mine won’t even look at me and does anything he can to avoid eye contact with me, I don’t want to allow him the luxury of being able to hang up, log off or block me.

So, I need to be charged with the kind of steely-eyed resolve that men who know they stand firm in doing what is right. I’m sick of being afraid to stand up for myself, and I have no one else to lean on or any friends left to support me anymore. I’m an island. But I’m determined to be strong on my own. If anyone has any advice on what I can do to increase my mental strength for the task at hand, please help.

That is tough man. I have not been in that exact situation but some similar ones. I felt exactly like you. At this point it is not about the money. It is about the people you thought were your friends and they left you without a thought. So, you want to know what you can do about it. I am probably going to tell you what you do not want to hear. First, I will tell you what every adult tells a teenager (all the adults told me). The people that left you are not worth it. Ask yourself what you would do If you were one of the friends. You would stick by your friend no matter what right? I look back at some of the so called friends I lost in high school because of some bullshit and I think I am much better off with the friends I kept and I made more. I made alot of friends my first year in college and when the shit hit the fan they were gone. Learn the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. Trust me on that. You are a good person with a good personality right? There is no question you will make other friends. Just make sure they are friends that make you a better person and not hold you back.

Now, trust me forget about the bullshit. The kid is not going to pay you back. And if your friends try to come back tell them to fuck off. And they will be back for something. Tell them they left you without a thought and leave it at that. That is truly sticking up for yourself. Its not like you will not ever lend a friend money again. Thats what friends do. All the people that tell you to kick somebody’s ass to stick up for yourself is full of shit. Now, I don’t know if that is what you were thinking about but forget it.

You may think I am blowing a lot of smoke up your ass. And I know what you are going through is hard, as I have been there more than a few times. Each time I learned who to pick real friends and who to trust. You will make it through just fine. Now, I have been studying all day and my head is cloudy so let me know if my thoughts are incoherent or even give you some sort of advice. So let me know if I can help you out anymore. I think I may have just talked myself in circles.