T Nation

I Love It When...

…you fart, and its really nasty (like something crawled in your ass and died smell) and everybody around you is freaking out because it smells so bad, …and NOBODY guesses it was you.

I feel so sneaky when I do that.

Sorta like, “If I can fart this big without anybody figuring out its me, I should be a secret agent or a detective or something.”

I think I was in an elevator with you last week.

Yeah, but when you get busted your are SO busted…

I’ve been doing this recently, in class with my students. They will always turn on one of their own and then blame him. My friend who is a 120kg psychiatric nurse blames his patients- nice guy!

Last week, I floated a horrible biscuit in the aisle of the supermarket I was in. I’m aware of just how bad this thing was going to be ( cuz it was so warm coming out )so natuarally I got the hell outa there. The thing is, I’m halfway down the aisle and I look back to see a little old lady teetering into the kill zone!! The poor old lady never knew what hit her. She tossed a couple of nasty looks at the folks nearby, but I got away scott free! Easily the coolest thing that happened to me last week.

I love it when I’m “in the zone”. Ya know, about one hour prior to a really good dump.

[quote]bigflamer wrote:
Last week, I floated a horrible biscuit in the aisle of the supermarket I was in. I’m aware of just how bad this thing was going to be ( cuz it was so warm coming out )so natuarally I got the hell outa there. The thing is, I’m halfway down the aisle and I look back to see a little old lady teetering into the kill zone!! The poor old lady never knew what hit her. She tossed a couple of nasty looks at the folks nearby, but I got away scott free! Easily the coolest thing that happened to me last week.

I love it when I’m “in the zone”. Ya know, about one hour prior to a really good dump.[/quote]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Thats what I’m talkin about!

“In the Zone.” I love it! When I let a really stinky one loose and someone says “Oh Man that stinks!” I say “What does it stink like?” So they have to say “Oh, it stinks like poop!” Nothing makes me happier.

When I was in 9th grade, our AP English class was always reading books. Our teacher would give us half the class to read silently.

I can’t remember the name of the book. I think it was “The Contender”. Anyhow, you know how sometimes you get so into a book that you forget where you’re at? It happened to me.

I thought I was at home. I don’t know why I thought that, but I had no conscious clue that I was in an English class with 25 other kids.

I don’t know if it was the Mediterranean Mahogony that the desks were made of, or the crap-o-the-day food in the cafeteria, but I ripped one of the most melodious farts that anyone at O.L. Slaton Jr, High has ever heard before, or since. I didn’t realize that I was even in a class until I heard the laughter.

Thanks to some quick thinking on my part, Dara Adams(cheerleader) was quickly shackled with the blame. Sadly, she never was able to overcome such swift justice. She dropped out of school, had 4 kids, and to this day still washes dishes at Denny’s.

If it’s really cold out and you drop a bomb, can you see it like your breath. I’ve always wondered this but I look like a puppy chasing his tail when I try to check.