T Nation

I have a dream...

…that one day, little white boys and little black boys will walk hand in hand…"

Well, no. Not that kind of dream, and actually, I wasn’t the one that had it either. Here’s the scenario: A girlfriend of mine broke up with her boyfriend 2 years ago, they both saw other people and now they are back together. They’ve been together for about 6 months now and things are just peachy. One night, they start a discussion (HE starts the discussion) about penis size - who’s the longest, who’s the fatest, who had the skilz, who sucked ass - all the fun stuff people have no business asking unless they can handle the truth. Well, being MY girlfriend after all, she tells him point blank who’s got what stats. Seems he didn’t handle this too well, though I don’t know why as she totally LOVES his dick. Like a “typical” man, he wanted to be the biggest and upon finding out he wasn’t, he got all pissy. Nevermind that she did not enjoy sex with Mr. Huge Dick because it was more painful than pleasurable. Nevermind that they only fucked a handful of times. Nevermind that she has repeatedly told him that they (BF&GF) fit together the best of anyone she’s been with. So, upon seeing that this discussion was deteriorating into plaintive arguing, she goes to bed. Upon rising the following morning, she finds all her stuff packed by the front door and him stewing. Seems he allowed her to fall asleep and then continued the conversation with her in her sleep and brought up various names - she responded in something like “Oh Jay (not the boyfriend’s name) you’re sooo big…Jay oh Jay, I love how you fuck me…” You get the picture. As he was throwing her out of the house the following morning, he tells her what she said in her sleep and cares not that she has no memory of dreaming anything at all. He already knows that Jay is a guy she dated in high school (10+ years ago). So she’ll be staying with me for a few nights.

Question to all: WTF?! Am I way biased or should you not be allowed to hold shit against a person that they say in their sleep? I don’t need a dream interpretation here, I know she dug the way Jay did her in high school but I also know she really, really digs how her boyfriend does her now. I want to know what you all would do if you found yourselves in either side of this situation.

Perhaps she is better off… no, wait, she IS better off. Any guy who would stoop to that level is not worth her time anyway. It sure sounds like he was bating her into getting herself in trouble, and getting her to talk in her sleep is worse thatn getting her to talk when she’s been drinking.

He sounds kind of messed up and very insecure to me. Either that, or HE is hiding something from her and created this scenario to give himself an easy out. I would be very interested to hear what some of the guys have to say about this one!

I agree with M. She is better off. I once date a girl who one day while she was alone in my apartment, went through my photo albums, removed every picture of every woman and ripped them into to tiny little bits. Then presented them to me.
Now I had not even, opened the albums in her presence or discussed past girl friends with her and some of the pictures were of my mother when she was younger. I ended that relationship.
The past can not be undone the future has not happened yet, all we have is here and now. So treasure the moment.
Best of Luck.

I do not believe that you can have an intelligible conversation while you are asleep. I think the bf is making that part up. However, your gf is not too smart for getting into that type of conversation in the first place. Too late now though. Move on.

Talk about insecure. Wow. I really don’t think it’s the fact that some other guy has a bigger dick than he does. I think he’s just jealous of the fact that she was with some other guy at all. And I think Michelle’s right, your friend sounds like she’s better off. Imagine how he would react to other things.

Concerning the penis issue, as a guy I have to say that I'm perfectly happy with my normal, average sized penis. I wouldn't want a huge penis. Sure, of course some women like large penises. But some women can't take a large penis, and you wouldn't be able to stick a large penis into... various places.

All: Yes, I realize she’s much better off without him; I’ve told her that I think they are poison for eachother numerous times. And she listens to me soo very well note the sarcasm. The problem seems to lie in that when they get along, they get along very well. When they don’t, it’s over some stupid shit like this. I tend to view things differently than the majority of the public on a lot of things and it wouldn’t surprise me too much if this sort of behaviour was normal. I guess my question was am I being reasonable in thinking he’s fucked up. Sounds like it.

That’s why it’s a good idea not to ask about your significant other’s sexual history. I don’t want to know those types of details in case they did make me insecure. All that should matter is 1) Did you practice safe sex? 2) Do you or have you had an STD/HIV/AIDS? Those are the only two questions I ask. I don’t want to know names, number of partners or any details. It is unimportant, and I don’t want it to always be in the back of my mind. I can’t say that I don’t know certain things about my girlfriend’s sexual history, but I don’t go asking details that I really don’t want to know. This guy asked for it, and he couldn’t handle it. So it’s his own fault. If he wants her out, then she should leave and not give him another chance.

I can see how his ego would be wounded. I also see that it isn’t her fault that she’s had guys that happened to be bigger than he is. Kicking her out was definitely an overreaction, and I think that something else is probably going on there.

The past is the past and if he knew he might not like the answers, he should have never asked the questions. When you make the decision to be with someone you care about, you make the decision to not hold them accountable for their past. Besides, their past has nothing to do with you and is none of your business. I don’t understand people who get all wound up about their partner’s past. Who cares how many guys she’s slept with or how big their dicks were. She’s with you now and that’s all that matters. She’s better off without this guy. He sounds like a total weiner.

You are being reasonable. Maybe she is not tight enough for him and he is using Jay as an excuse to send her packing. His size bothers him and he figures she will leave him sooner or later and he is making the move first.
I talk in my sleep and my lady and I have a good laugh over my sleeping conversations. I can not remember the dreams, but many are about other women from the past. My lady friend has the confidence in herself to not get jealous. Her reasoning is, a dream is fiction, and our bodies touching is reality.

It sounds like a load of crap to me, having a conversation with someone in their sleep like that doesn’t happen. The guy sounds like a jerk she should wipe him like a dirty rag.

Could be that in someway he wanted out of the relationship. In fact starting a conversation like that to begin with is only done to either hurt the other person or pysch yourself up. If he started name dropping whilst she was asleep to test for reaction, he was obviously baiting the situation."

Most likely the relationship was in a flawed state to begin with, the fact that all this happened. If you are truely happy with the current situation, neither person would willingly discuss the past in such a way. They are kind of both to blame for the situation turning out the way it did.

From the facts presented, it seems as if he’s quite messed up. The masochistic need to hear your significant other’s past is something I can relate to, but you have to know how to handle it. He didn’t. He’s also quite arrogant to presume that he would be the “largest” that she’s had. If he did in fact make suggestions to her while she slept to get info out of her, then he needs professional help, so it seems quite safe to consider this guy messed up. It’s also possible that she could have aggravated the situation without knowing it (happens a lot with both genders). Someone such as him who has such a vested interest in a conversation like that would key into the minutia to find something that he didn’t like. I don’t know if he wanted out, though, he may have just wanted confirmation that he was the end all and be all, God’s gift to her, and other macho crap.

I know I’m only hearing one side of the story but the dude’s wicked irrational. If she really digs the sex they have, then there’s no reason to be insecure. BTW, just a few of the down sides of being very well endowed include getting locked out of a girl, getting locked in, getting in but causing pain, not being able to fit between a girl’s teeth, and not fitting into the anus. Not something to be jealous of.

While the guy seems like an idiot, talking to someone in their sleep like that, where they can respond truthfully isn’t impossible. I had a good friend, that was a girl who was sleeping at my pad once. I was talking to her while watching a movie, and I couldn’t see her since she was behind me, but she fell asleep and was answering tons of questions. The next morning I brought something up and she had no recollection at all, so I went to my Psych professer to see if she had somehow fallen into a sleep/hypnosis. He said yeah it’s possible, but ussually rare for people who haven’t been hypnotized by a proffessional.

Here’s how I look at it: if some woman did something similar to me (“Of all the women you’ve had in your life, who was the tightest…?”) I would know that something was seriously wrong either (a) with her or (b) in our relationship. Or both. As for the grill-her-in-her-sleep stuff, that’s just whacked. I’d toss his ass out on the street (along with a note that said she had been lying earlier to protect his feelings a bit - in reality, EVERY guy she’s ever slept with has had a dick at least two inches wider than his) and find someone else post haste.

Natt - Yes, there are considerable downsides to being “excessively” well-endowed. I had a friend that complained bitterly of the things you mentioned and I thought he was just trying to score points or something - so I had him show me, one of those ‘put up or shut up’ things. Holy-Fucking-Hannah! The boy had a problem! Stragely enough, he wasn’t built like you’d think he’d be hung (5’11", maybe 160# soaking wet) and in a soft state he was considerably less than “average” soft size but once he started playing with it - I’ll be Goddammed if the thing didn’t end up measuring 11.5" and thicker than my forearm! It was both frighteningly beautiful and appealing as well as, well, just plain frightening. I could well imagine the difficulty he’d have finding a ‘port in a storm’ with a cock that size. Not only was it hard enough to get laid (seems he’d get chicks into bed and naked but once he got undressed they’d change their minds) but absolutely forget about oral or anal fun. Now THAT would truly suck - and not in the good way. But the story has a happy ending…he’s now married and is expecting one of his own little Testosterone Sucking Demons (BTW, great article, Chris).

I think “too hung” falls under the same category as “too handsome,” “too smart,” and “too rich.” That is, it doesn’t exist. Yeah, whine whine whine, some girls won’t like it… but I’d be fine with that. All you have to find is one girl that does, and you’ll be a legend. Sigh.

Having experienced most of the “too X” that you mentioned, I have to disagree. The thing is is that when someone is “too” something, it’s usually because of a lack elsewhere. The guys I dated that were “too handsome” had the downfall of KNOWING it and being obsessed with how good looking they were. The guys I dated that were “too rich” were that way because they had no social life and no time to have a conversation with me. The guys I dated that were “too smart” were so painfully intellectual they had no sense of humor. To date, I’ve not dated someone “too hung” but I know girls that have and they say that they have the same flaws as the “too handsome” set. Guess it’s just a matter of what you are willing to take a loss on in order to have an excess of something else.