T Nation

'I Have a Black Belt in MMA'


I couldnt get over this.

Some guy walked into our school and told my team he had a Black belt in MMA. Yes, you heard right... a black belt in MMA! That totally beats the guy who came into my old club saying he is a master ninja with a straight face. lol

I so wish i was actually there. Between my mates looking at him like pornstar in church and my coach rolling his eyes and famous face palm, it would've been a priceless moment. i'd have one liners, coming out left and right, "ya, and i got a brown belt in jogging and a 3rd dan in Deadlifting" lol

For those wondering, his heavyweight ass got handled.

Goes to show, come in humble or leave humbled.


I don't know where you are heading with this, so I'll just take it as a "curling in the squatting rack" type thread.

Ten years ago or so, I've met a guy at a comic convention I worked at.
We had some friendly bullshit dispute about, I don't know, comics, D&D, movies and their portrayal of combat, which got heated eventually - I think I argued that it was completely unrealistic that some midget could outfight a metal-clad fighter that outweighed him by a couple of hundred pounds.

If I recall correctly, there was some poster depicting an orc or giant(?) fighting a smallish dude, dwarf, halfling(?) whatever.
Bullshit geek discussion with every historic detail we could make up.

And then the guy tries to deliver the KO argument.
A sweet hostess we both knew came by so he said - literally:
"Look, I know what I'm talking about, I'm a Ninja. I train Ninjas."

My jaw dropped. I had sparred full contact before at this point, got through a no-bullshido phase and this guy looked like an unhealthy skinnyfat type of guy.

Turns out he DID do what he claimed. In theory, at least.
I knew of couple of guys who studied the kind of Ninjitsu he was refering about, which I would consider more of a ripoff. You know, supercostly seminars, hopping around in black ("night suit"-laughing myne arsch off!) uniforms, throwing "shuriken" at trees etc.

I talked a bit more with him over the next days and he was very open about it yet still full of bullshido.
I'll never forget how I extended our discussion about the clear weight advantage in weaponless fights. Since a convention is full of nerds, I just pointed on some smallish, clearly untrained visitor and asked him if he REALLY thought he'd enjoy no advantage over that midget, having more then a foot on him and weighing nearly double.

His answer: "Never understimate shorter guys. If I had to fight him, the first thing I'd do would be to drop on my back while simutanously kicking at both kneecaps."


That is so, fucking, sweet.


That's awesome. Speaking of curling in a squat rack. I was at the gym the other day and witnessed two little dudes curling in a squat rack. Here's what was special about it; they had brought a 40 lb EZ curl bar halfway across the gym to the squat rack, and were standing in the squat rack doing their sets, while the 45lb straight bar remained on the rack. This was a new one for me.


we get tapout wearing brotards like that coming through all the time. They left humbled and a bit bruised....and maybe a bit hyper-extended in the elbow. Needless to say, people like that only last a few days.

At my old gym, a brotard walked in to check it out and told one of my coaches that he didnt want to train with pussies like us. He's telling this to a guy that owns a school with 15 competitive BJJ black belts. Long story short, he got in the cage with one of my instructors 17 year old son. The brotard got KO'ed in 5 seconds and was carried out of the gym and placed gently onto the parking lot. Didnt see him again either.


Sounds a lot like pulling guard to me :stuck_out_tongue:


That ninja kid sounds a lot like my cousin, who told me he could "mess me up" by pulling guard on me. Its amazing how these kids believe what the commercials and training videos tell them more than common sense.

That black belt in MMA is awesome. Glad you taught that prick that humility is the first step to becoming truly skilled in a martial art. Respect your coaches, and the other athletes, and you will be truly great.



A kid wanting to be a ninja is cute. Thats how i started, i was 10 and nagged my mom since i was 8 that i wanted to be a ninja turtle lol She gave in and got me a membership at my dads old friends martial arts club

Both these guys were ADULTS!!!!




Oh this could get highly entertaining. More stories please!


I have a black belt in TKD...

...in many ways it's just as meaningless.


I too have a black belt... in Goju-ryu karate apparently. Took me 8 years to get. Unfortunately those 8 years were from when I was 5 till 13, and 10 years later I have lost all my super-awesome black belt powers. That's okay though, all I need to do is walk around with that black belt wrapped around my head for a couple of months or so, and I'll be able to karate chop a bus in half again.

Seriously though, I'm not sure my story fits in here but, fuck it.

5 years ago, before I got into MMA and picked up grappling, I knew this dude from Delhi who had bunch of stories about what amounts to gangbanging (shooting someone in the head, drive-by on a motorcycle, taking down a 240lb dude with a pipe, brawls with 10s of people, the good stuff).

Intelligent guy too, we had a bunch of interesting exchanges about everything from politics, religion and philosophy, to science, and literature. Unfortunately, and unsurprisingly given the things he's done, he was a bit of a nut. One night after a party I called him out over something he said earlier and he rushes me.

Keep in mind this was the only 'real' fight I've ever had, and if the dude's stories were to be believed, it was his 20th or so. Long story short, I fucked up his face pretty badly with crappy uppercuts while he swung these ridiculous haymakers at me, he gassed and a mutual friend of ours towed him off while he threatened to stab me.
On the flipside, that little scrap made me realize that I couldn't fight for shit and got me reinterested in combat sports.


Oh i got a personal pwnage story lol

a while ago i was in love with a ninja. lol Ok look hear me out... she was this cute little blonde girl i was set up on in a double date. I knew she lived in japan and trained in the temple, but i was like "uh... really japan? thats hardcore!" Talking to her she was pretty legit. She was basically a cute monk. But deep down, im like "puff karate? whats the chances of a cute blonde Machida?"

Well, ended up she was a master in karate and did Jits as well... how did i know she was legit?

We were sitting in her patio in her backyard. We talked all night and while she was leaning back in the the big patio chair. i figured id move in to give her a kiss good night.

She pulled spider guard... i gave her a look like really?

She looked at me like ... test me, i dont kiss on the first date.

I moved an inche closer... well, lets say... well... lets say i was cut off at first base via getting owned from her guard.


I have a black belt as well. Actually I have two - one with a silver buckle which I wear with jeans, the other has a gold buckle which I wear with dress slacks.

Okay, this sojourn into the Combat forum will be my last.



A blonde, japanese nun training "jits" and karate in "the temple" and preventing you via spider guard from kissing her?

Way to ruin your thread...


She was actually white. I kept looking for a japanese girl when i was told about her... wasnt a full monk yet, she just a buddist who travel to asia to train. Which is actually common for top level kobudo-ist to truely test them selves. Karate here is a joke, in japan... its much different.

Spider guard didnt finish me... She just used to position to trap my wrist, when her foot moved to my hip... we'll if you roll, you get the idea. My ego already got crushed earlier in the parking lot, just some exercises to see how legit each of us are... i really didnt need to have the truth tapped into me repeatedly.

I thought "ok... sure whatever...~cough bullllshhiiiiiittt cough~" ... then i got CANNED by a girl.

Why did i admit this? I'm on a forum... i should restict all posting to talking about how much i kick ass. I guess i needed to balance it with a story about something that sounded crazy but ended up being legit.


d00d....can women be monks? Aren't they nuns....or Bhikkhuni or something?


We have a lot of "new age-y" Buddhists around here, and there are women monks. I don't know how traditional it is though.


these are the kind of people that come in and get humbled.

Are those hand wraps?


Gotta love the slow-mo and music.