I'm a 20 y/o British male and I absolutely hate being indian. From a young age i've grown up in predominantly white communities, until the age of 9 I grew up in a town where I was the only non-white kid in school.
Now you're probably thinking it's because of racial incidents in the past, but I have honestly experienced very little racism at all.
I don't know why but I hate indian culture, I will try to avoid indian food as much as possible, at home I get angry if my parents speak to me in anything other than english - I wish I could unlearn my understanding of hindi and punjabi. And my social life has really suffered due to this as well, throughout school and even now I never call any friends round to my house because my dad is very religious and I don't want my friend seeing all the hindu picture or see them wearing traiditional clothing or hear them speaking a foreign language. So I always went to their houses or arrange to meet outside.
In uni virtually all of my firends are white, there were some asian folk who were friendly but I just didn't want anyhting to do with them when they startd talking about bhangra nights etc.
But I myself am very british at heart, i've had one gf in the past who was indian, but it ended very quickly, because we were very different people, she was into bollywood and Star TV etc and didn't drink while I had a more mainstream lifestyle, so even though we were the same ethnicity (both punjabi) there was a culture clash.
I think one of the main reasons I think this was is because in college there was this one girl who I can honestly say I had fallen in love, she was a friend of a friend and we got to know each other well, the more I got to know her the more I had fallen in love with her, she was very British, and as much as I tried, she just didn't seem interested in me, and I can almost guarantee its because i'm indian, she wasn't a bigot or a xenophobic or anything since we were quite good friends, but she didn't consider me to be 'bf material' because of this.
Do you think that could be the reason why I think this way?
I just want to be Caucasian British but my backgorund won't let me be.