T Nation

I Fell and Nearly Died


As much as you want to tell mate. Shit, if it helps you to write it out, I’ll read it.


Ok - I had a bourbon and figured Id type some more.
Im off tomorrow- I worked 6 days already.

this happened in 2014- so its 3 years ago but still sensitive as F.

Sooooo- the next day- I am fucked- really fucked - it hurts worse then when my hamstring was crawling up my leg.
or that time I busticated my shoulder-
or when I fffed up my neck

I have some weird shit going on with my right hand it cant close properly - and my forearm is like bent at a 90 degree angle.
I have a bit of a stutter for a few days- and Im guessing its all the shit they pumped into me.
our bathroom is like 5 feet from our bedroom- it took like 10 minutes for me to get there.
I feel like I did a 20 hour day had too much to drink…and someone hit me in the knee with a bat. Im wearing a GIANT NFL sized leg brace with like 4 ace bandages underneath.

I can get to the kitchen and make a coffee- we have an espreso maker-
itsa all I drink
but I cant carry it- Im on crutches.
Later I find out when trying to feed my son - that I can stand on
the good leg with crutches and do stuff- make food cook etc
but I cant carry anything cause I have no free hands.

little guy is now 7 but he was 4.5 when this all went down.
Im like
’yo son - come get this lunch’
litte guy ’ dad Im busy doing what ever’
me ’ I cant bring you lunch’

that fucking sucked.

our sitter had to be recurited to do more- she is aweseome
but it sucked.

I started to make calls - to my various institutions that I use-
cable - cel phone - mortgate- car - etc

me- ‘hey I am unable to work - on medical disability - can we reduce or be put on a payment schedule?’

celphone,cable, utilities, etc
’ well if you want to cancel - and be put in receivership we can help’
me 'so you are asking if I want to cancel? I cant work- and cant pay bills"
them ’ no problem - we can terminate services - and refer you to collections’
me 'thanks’
Turns out the IRS is ready.
Ready to deal with anyone - who can’t pay -for what ever reason.

  • laid off- injured, disabled, out of town - no problem.
    they have a comprehensive system for what ever is holding you down.

banks, mortgages, utilities, cel phone, cable, can all give a fuk.

Its two or three days post surgery-
I suck at life.
cant sleep stoned as fuk of oxy
having horrible dreams
5 days comes and goes- pain is getting worse and worse.
my left foot is the size of a foot ball.
and Im having some 'issues’
turns out some people are sensitive to oxy- you can get what is called an oxy boner.
three day boner - and constipated as fuck
colace, prune juice , and fiber.
leg brace from ankle to hip -
cant take a shit- and have a three day boner.

where was that nurse with the beautiful ass?
cant sleep- which means the wife cant sleep.

the oxy runs out.
so I have to take percaset.
there is a BURNING pain .
all day.
and I have DREAMS
scary ass fucking dreams.

Im hobbling along- trying to hold down food
soup- some solids- still cant talk right
and my right arm is like in a permanent chicken wing
my neck and upper back is tight as fuck from crutches

I have to call the surgeon - cause my foot is the size of a basket ball
cant really bathe- just doing sponge baths-
me " i suck it hurts- my foot is swole , entire leg is swole’ Im in allot of pain I cant sleep’
dr. 'suck it up. your ready to see me in a day or two- why cant you sleep’
me- 'im having bad BAD dreams’
dr. 'I thought you where tougher then this, see me in two days."

two days- turns out to be ten days post surgery.

wife drives me to the Surgeons office-.

his battle axe nurse and shabby office are shitty.
she has me sign in etc-
‘which kneee’
‘Date of Birth’

ok Dr will see you -
I stagger down to the room she indicates.
I have on t-shirt and some giant ass adidas pants that slide over the leg brace
eventually homeboy comes in.
‘you look like shit’
‘I feel like shit’

ok lay down - let me take start.
He takes off the brace for thr first time in ten days.
removes the ace bandages- My foot and leg immediately
start to feel better- swelling immediately starts to reduce.

dr. 'lets get these staples out- you said you had bad dreams’
he starts to pop out the staples- he is super fast and his dexterity is amazing. very cool to watch.

dr’ you say you haven’t been sleeping?'
me 'well I stopped taking the percaset’
dr ’ so your not taking anything? thats great- but how are you you look like shit. - how is your sleep? you said you have been having dreams?
me 'yeah- bad.'
dr. ‘come on how bad’

me ’ well I cant sleep - or take a crap and I had what I googled was an oxyboner’
dr ’ this is on percaset?'
me 'yes’
dr ‘hmmm this happens sometimes- tell me more about these dreams’

me ’ well - its bad.- its a period piece.
dr’ really’
me’ yeah - Im on a battle field - laying in long grass- the sky is so blue- the clouds are beautiful and I smell gunpowder , horses, the moistness of the earth the dirt- and I smell blood- brassy and septic -like intestines’

Im laying down - and two men , speaking french - rustic country french
9like I know) they have dark long hair and scruff- and are wearing like
late 1700’s shit - powder loading muskets- boots etc, but Im wearing
jeans and Airmax 95- neon - the classic’

‘french bros- know who I am and are cursing me out and smack me up a bit- Im already bleeding- and they through me on a cart and drag me off the battle field’

‘its a replay of being on the gurney with EMS- clouds - sun - blue skys,
going under dappled light of tree branches. they drag me in one courtyard
and I see the walls- and bounce me over cobble stones and through the other end of a courtyard’

now its three men- two ‘frenchmen’ and another bro from god knows where who is more in charge - he dumps me on the floor
and kicks me in the head.
Im hearing a sound - a scrape and drag of gravel its a grave being dug.
‘dr - this is pretty intense’

’ three bros- slowly cut open my abdomen and stat to grab handfuls of dirt and grass and stuff it full - to staunch the blood.
they sew me up with some string - all the while I am screaming , screaming’
the digging is still going on and these three fuckfaces drag me over to this grave- and throw me in face up
I cant really move and Im feeling liquid being poured on me-
piss? water - I dont know- then a barage of french or chech or what ever is being yelled at me- and then a match is thrown on me.’

‘im in a tench - burning- hearing these pricks laugh’
dr -’ keep going’

me ’ they start to shovel dirt on me im trying to scream , but have a mouth full of dirt.‘
black black black.
Im scrambling- more afraid then when I fell - terrified.
im in a sandy - gravely kind of tomb - its liked with some kind of wax paper- Im freakin out- I awake again and find some matches in my pocket I light them- and realize im in an open topped box- a coffin - in a ditch
lined with wax paper- with a bamboo shaft buried with me- a few inches off the floor- so I can breath.
I realize im giong to starve to death- burried alive with burns over 90% of my body’

dr - 'thats pretty intense’
me 'yeah I stopped taking percaset after that’
dr.- that is some freaky shit- lets do an Xray-
an Xray- a bunch of manipulation - he is wraps me up puts the brace back on - and writes a prescription for me to start PT tomorrow.

dr. ’ here you go, those are some wild dreams- stay off percaset- only take it if you must. You start PT tomorrow- see you in two weeks’

I realize Im soaked- in sweat from recounting my dreams
and Im sick- seeing my leg- its like a third the size - my quaud is the same size as my knee- there is a 6" incision on my knee- and another same size
on the outer side of my knee- my foot is poitnting inward and has no real ability to move right.

my calf seems to have disapeared as well VMO - non existant.

I try to organize myself to go home and rest.


thanks mate…
Its rough.

I lived.
I walk funny
rain - ladders stairs cripple me.

otherwise Im good


So… I have not updated this-
Its still fresh although its 3 years.

That Surgeon sent me to physcial therapy.
with the same Dr- who diagnosed me.

He sent me off with a note to PT

no ROM for 10 weeks
Ice Tens

I went to an intake with PT two days later-
wife drops me off at this free standing two story building that we had went to to get a diagnosis.
first floor is a straight up walk in clinic.
second floor is PT gym or as my little kid says - Dr Knee Gym.

they have some stairs and like a wheelchair escalator-
I check in at the desk- and am told its upstairs- so I go up the stairs.
I hobble up the stairs.
and they are all "wo wo wo - who came up with you?’
"who are you "
’ how did you get up here?‘
me ’ I have an appointment’
bro ‘ok ok ok - thats fresh- who did that?
me ‘Dr. So and So.
bro’ ACL’ what else you look like shit’
me’ I start to tell him uhm my ACL, Uhm MyPCL uhm …
I later learn he is awesome- he kind of runs the PT floor-
he is a big big NFL sized guy and was a great ally.

bro ’ your going to have to hobble down the hall and see Dr. xxx’ turns to coworker- can you take him to Dr.xxx

So I get to Dr. xxx turns out he is a chiro.
about my age maybe 2-3 years older.
he starts on intake - pulls up my file
has me sit down

dr. ’ you look like shit’
me ’ apparently so- Im in a bit of pain '
Dr ’ starts with the intake of 9 million questions-
goes through the fall- the various people I saw,
what I have been taking , where did the surgery happen
refers to notes, calls downstairs,
asks about althelitic history- really probes,
asks about work history- what I do for a living, checks out my
callouses- mentions that my posture is bad from crutches,
offers me an adjustment- I gratefully- get on the table
but I can not lay face down.
he adjusts my neck- and some of my upper back, does a variety of tests on eye tracking- hearing, neck mobility.
asks allot aobut that - gives me some serious stim to my shoulders- and mentions that crutches are not doing me any favors there.

He turns me over to a youngish man who escorts me down the hall back to the PT area.
its a gym- squat racks - machines - a bunch of cardo machines
stairs- a ton of foam - and balls and shit.
he leads me over to a table- like a chiro table and says I’ll be working here.
for the next 8 weeks we do all our work on the table.

dude takes off the post surgical brace
and they all gather around
bro’ yep that looks like Dr. so and so’
whats this here-
me ’ thats where they reattached my PCL’
lots of oooh and ahhhh.
bro ’ I need to read up on you- this is set for zero degrees for 8-10 weeks of imobility’ we are going to go very slow with this process’
smaller bro’ ok lets try some quad sets’
we try to flex my quad - its tiny.
Im soaked.
and its not firing.
this is more fuck you then you can take.

we move on to leg raises- with the good leg
and some leg raises with just the brace on the shit leg.
we wrap up after that - I set a few more appointments that week
and head home but not before peeing in a cup.
what medical treatment would be complete without it.

where I collapse
I need ice
I have to pass out after this first PT session

it sucks to be so weak