T Nation

I Don't Respect My Friends

I am really tired, so please bear with me as I do my best to articulate my thoughts.

I have recently come to the conclusion that I do not respect a significant number of my friends. Their actions, combined with the manners in which they carry themselves have led me to believe they are not worthy of my respect. The search for impartial perspective and advice has led me here.

My male friends all have beautiful girlfriends who care about them a great deal. My friends treat them as “Sort-of girlfriend vaginas” if you will, often referring to them as “bitches, sluts, whores” etc…even while in their presence.

Sometimes they go so far as to cheat on their girlfriends when drunk at parties. They all smoke a substantial amount of cigarettes, have done a number of serious drugs, and drink heavily. Their lack of discipline and general disregard for the feelings of their girlfriends have led me to not respect them.

Now let me tell you…these girls are absolutely beautiful. They are also very sweet, and have great personalities. They do not drink, nor do they smoke, nor have they done serious drugs. They appear as if they would do anything for their boyfriends, yet are met with verbal (in one case, physical) abuse. This irrational tolerance for this unacceptable behavior has led me to not respect them either.

My female friends seem to feel obligated to absorb abuse similar to what my male friends serve their girlfriends (must be a girl thing). My closest female friend (known her since we were 2) who is was by no means “loose” slept with her “off and on” boyfriend 6 days after they started going out.

He is 6’1 125, did not graduate highschool, drinks, and does serious drugs, (and generally is a loser in most other aspects of life). My female friend however, was the embodiment of the word “purity” throughout her life up until the beginning of college. She feels compelled to put up with his flaws day-in and day-out and stay with him even though he is clearly holding her back in life. This self-sabotaging behavior has led me to believe that she is not worthy of my respect.

Another of my female friends (very beautiful, very sweet) dated an unemployed, homeless, highschool diploma-less, broke, methhead for 3 months until he left her (she was heartbroken).

While I love my friends, I do not respect them, and find that I endure, rather than enjoy their behavior.

I am 20 years old, and my friends are all 18-24.

If you were in my position, what would you do?

CLIFF NOTES:
Guy friends treat their girlfriends like objects rather than people, and are very undisciplined.

Girl friends absorb abuse from their boyfriends and are quite literally sentient rug mats.

[quote]Standard Donkey wrote:

CLIFF NOTES:
Guy friends treat their girlfriends like objects rather than people, and are very undisciplined.

[/quote]

[quote]Standard Donkey wrote:
If you were in my position, what would you do?

[/quote]

Find friends who deadlift.

So you’re jealous and judgemental. Congratulations. I don’t think you’re worthy of MY respect.

Live and let live.

Kill them all

Response #1: I am so moving to California.

Response #2: From what you describe, your friends suck. Why are they your friends?

Response #3: Post pics of said ‘beautiful girls’ so an impartial board (re: T-Nation) can decide whether they deserve said posted abuse.

Take a good look at the situation and decide if they are really people you want in your life. I had a kid who would hang out around me who bugged me to no small end. He was nice enough, we had some similar interest, so you would think we had enough in common for him to at least be a “in class” friend, right? Wrong.

I realized that there was nothing I respected or admired about him and then realized that there is something I respect/admire in all my friends. So, I basically found new people to hang out with in class to pass time.

Basically, take stock of your relationships, and if you really feel like you would be better off without them, start edging away into a new social circle. You can’t change/control people, either take them as they are and deal with it or take off. People as a law are flawed and its up to you to decide if you can handle the flaws of the people you choose to associate with. For what it’s worth, I’m 20 as well.

EDIT: Or skip and follow response 3 of above poster.

Back in college I used to ask myself why I was friends with a bunch of assholes. Then I realized that I too was an asshole and that’s probably why we are all friends.

You mention smoking, alcohol and drugs alot. You’re saying that you can only be friends with people that don’t indulge in such ways? Seems pretty short sighted to me.

But I feel you on the disrespectful part. People who treat their girl/boy friends like crap are not on my friend side for a long time.

It sounds like you already made up your mind, I’d just start looking for other friends…

ok the drinking and smoking and ‘serious’ drugs are a whole different issue from how they treat their girlfriends. A none of your business issue.

Obviously verbal and physical abuse are not cool

what is with this ‘purity’ bullshit?

You have white knight syndrome. Symptoms are you feel superior and act like sanctimonious d-bag. You idealize women who have no interest in you. If only they could see how well you would treat them baarffff.

  1. Get over it.
  2. They are big girls they make their own decisions.
  3. Get new friends.

6’1 125? Even I can take him.

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
I don’t think you’re worthy of MY respect.
[/quote]

For some reason, I am totally ok with this.

[quote]Sick Rick wrote:
You mention smoking, alcohol and drugs alot. You’re saying that you can only be friends with people that don’t indulge in such ways? Seems pretty short sighted to me.

[/quote]

I did not say that I can only be friends with people who donâ??t indulge in such ways. In fact, a large number of my male friends (and even some female friends) smoke and drink. I was implying that heavy smoking/drinking/use of hardcore drugs could be considered a demonstration of a lack of discipline and consideration for their loved ones (also a huge waste of money, but that is a different topic). I am sure we would all be opposed to our boyfriends/girlfriends willfully destroying their bodies.

[quote]Eli B wrote:
ok the drinking and smoking and ‘serious’ drugs are a whole different issue from how they treat their girlfriends. A none of your business issue.
You have white knight syndrome. Symptoms are you feel superior and act like sanctimonious d-bag. You idealize women who have no interest in you. If only they could see how well you would treat them baarffff.
[/quote]

I am not sure that white knight syndrome includes â??feeling superior and acting like sanctimonious d-bagâ??. I could tell you that I do not view myself as superior, nor do I act like a â??sanctimonious d-bagâ??, but I doubt that I could convince you over an internet forum. I supposed I am simply concerned for the wellbeing of these poor young ladies who, for some reason, behave as though they are gluttons for punishment. Is it wrong for me to be concerned about them? Or is it not my business?

I do appreciate the responses, keep them coming.

[quote]SickAbs wrote:

[quote]Standard Donkey wrote:

CLIFF NOTES:
Guy friends treat their girlfriends like objects rather than people, and are very undisciplined.

[/quote]
[/quote]
Haha yes, I am very jellyous

I had very similar ‘friend’ when I was younger.

They were fun to party with, but other than that, we had nothing else in common.

I found other people that I wanted to spend time with. No biggie.

[quote]imhungry wrote:
I had very similar ‘friend’ when I was younger.

They were fun to party with, but other than that, we had nothing else in common.

I found other people that I wanted to spend time with. No biggie.[/quote]

Good call, or maybe I should make a second life account.

Move on. If you dont like people you surround yourself with then move on to another group of people you want to surround yourself with. For example,I use to have friends that hated going out,spent all day talking about fucking girls and not doing it,and never putting any effort into going to the gym. I hated that.

I only hang around 2-3 guys now and theyre cool as shit. We go to the gym and afterward go out and look for fun. Yeah 2-3 is a very small amount of friends but who cares? Im having fun.

You could tell the girls that their boyfriends are cheating on them but that wouldnt turn out well for you. Boys would hate you. Girls would resent you. All you can do is hang out with them when you feel like hanging out with them and also try and make new friends so you can jump ship all the while minding your own fucking business.

You arent going to change anybody else. Not your low life friends or their worthless flimsy girlfriends who willingly attach themselves to parasites.

[quote]Eli B wrote:
You could tell the girls that their boyfriends are cheating on them but that wouldnt turn out well for you. Boys would hate you. Girls would resent you. All you can do is hang out with them when you feel like hanging out with them and also try and make new friends so you can jump ship all the while minding your own fucking business.

You arent going to change anybody else. Not your low life friends or their worthless flimsy girlfriends who willingly attach themselves to parasites.[/quote]

Yeah I would never cross that boundary (informing the girls of their boyfriend’s infidelity).

That is definitely a good call though. I knew i’d find some level-headed advice from this place.

[quote]Standard Donkey wrote:

[quote]Eli B wrote:
You could tell the girls that their boyfriends are cheating on them but that wouldnt turn out well for you. Boys would hate you. Girls would resent you. All you can do is hang out with them when you feel like hanging out with them and also try and make new friends so you can jump ship all the while minding your own fucking business.

You arent going to change anybody else. Not your low life friends or their worthless flimsy girlfriends who willingly attach themselves to parasites.[/quote]

Yeah I would never cross that boundary (informing the girls of their boyfriend’s infidelity).

That is definitely a good call though. I knew i’d find some level-headed advice from this place.[/quote]

only after I flamed you.

There are over 6 billion people on earth. Think about that