T Nation

I Don't Fit In...

To make a long story short, I feel like I’m grossly out of place in today’s society, and I don’t know what to do. Bear with me, and don’t consider this a pity party because I’m only writing this to see if anyone else feels the way I do.

I grew up in a blue-collar family in the lower-class suburbs. My old man came from a small town in Iowa. He had me chewing Cope since I was 12 years old. Taught me to keep my mouth shut and work for what you want. I never recall having anything handed to me. He smacked me and my brother around more than was necessary. I managed to make it into college (first in my family, everyone else is in the Marines). Paying for it on the money I made in construction.

I don’t have time to go out and party with kids, or just hang out, because I work from 7 in the morning til 7 at night, then train from 8 to 9, and am in bed by 10:30. I go to a major state school, and am surrounded by people who have everything handed to them, and can’t understand me. I’m quiet, I don’t get loud or bullshit people. I feel like I’m always in the fucking shadows, struggling to stay afloat on my own dime while everyone else is all happy and carefree, able to do whatever they want because they have the means to.

They don’t set standards for themselves, or have ideals that they try to live by. I haven’t had a single date in two years of college. I ask girls out on formal dates, treat them with respect, the way my old man raised me to, but all they want is to party and be wild. I just don’t get it. All the guys I’m around up at school, save my closest friends, are a bunch of pussies.

I am most at peace when I am around blue collar workers, but I know that I need to make something of myself in college. Sometimes all I want to do is quit school, move somewhere in the midwest and farm or work with my hands, have a wife that is humble and loving, not like the girls out in the city. Call me a pussy but thats what I want. It seems like society is moving further and further away from the ideals that I was taught to believe in. It scares me, because it seems like America is going to shit on the MTV-highway.

Anyone else feel this way?

Yea, I feel that way. But I’m going to try to learn and do the most I can so I can make an impact on the world in keeping this country from going to shit. There’s also nothing wrong with isolating yourself from the bullshit and living for yourself and your family. It depends on if you want your grandkids to live in a society that you did or didn’t have a part in(if they so choose not to live in isolation). All I’ll say is that this country could benefit from more people like you contributing.

Yes.

Major American ideals are going down too fast to watch.

Find your own place and stick to it.

Find some passion.

And, speaking from experience, keep structured, which you seem to already have. Dont break down, do anything irrationnally impulsive due to the quality of others lifes.

I guess I’d more say - look to the future, because staring down at the present and past wont get you anywhere. I did that, and screwed up life to the Nth Degree.

Doesnt sound pussy or sentimental to me, just sounds like another person who’s traits are good, but dont fit in with the overbearing crap that makes up other’s lifestyles.

Actually, it reminds me of something I said to my sister a few years ago when I was in highschool.

“My generation seems to be the last, and we aren’t even all that great. I swear, every single kid a grade under me just has NONE of the same quality’s of the people my age and older.”

Ah, to live in America.

Don’t even try to fit in, don’t even try to be known for anything.

Be sociable to a high level…

[quote]IronGame08 wrote:
Anyone else feel this way?[/quote]

Yes. Don’t worry, though, I have faith we will both meet the right women. It just takes longer these days when the majority are fuckwits, having been mass programmed by the idiot box.

Imagine all the flickering blue lights stimulating the same emotions in the same fish-goggle eyes on the same couches all purchased in the same stores. All for the express purpose of making them feel dissatisfied… that they return to those stores for more purchases!

Now imagine some woman not watching tv because she’s working hard (like you). Or outdoors, backpacking or paddling, hunting or foraging (like me). Or reading the classics of literature, exploring classic cinema, or in some other way being exposed to classical culture (like we all should).

Statistically, they’ve got to be out there, these hard-working, earth-bound, classy ladies, etc. You know, I’ve got a feeling though they’ve always been hard to find.

From reading some older literature (Don Quixote comes to mind), the pitiable creatures who surround us, and their culture, have typically been mainstream. Hindu tradition typifies our age as that of decay (the Kali Yuga), though any other age is basically ancient (greater than 10,000 years) and practically prehistorical if not non-existant.

Just have faith, and patience follows. If you’re out there, so too is the right woman, and the right way of life.

BTW, why don’t you do the farming thing? I’ve thought of it myself, if I had money. Funny thing though, I can’t stand money well enough to make any. Too bad banks claimed all the land. Don’t let them tell you that this isn’t a feudal age…

[quote]IronGame08 wrote:
I don’t have time to go out and party with kids, or just hang out, because I work from 7 in the morning til 7 at night, then train from 8 to 9, and am in bed by 10:30. I go to a major state school, and am surrounded by people who have everything handed to them, and can’t understand me.[/quote]

You, sir, are fucking awesome!
Please don’t give up, keep doing what you’re already doing, finish your studies, don’t give a damn for whatever the pussy frat boyz are doing and you’ll be fine.

[quote]Kailash wrote:
IronGame08 wrote:
Anyone else feel this way?

Yes. Don’t worry, though, I have faith we will both meet the right women. It just takes longer these days when the majority are fuckwits, having been mass programmed by the idiot box.

Imagine all the flickering blue lights stimulating the same emotions in the same fish-goggle eyes on the same couches all purchased in the same stores. Now imagine some woman not watching tv because she’s working hard (like you). Or outdoors, backpacking or paddling, hunting or foraging (like me). Or reading the classics of literature, exploring classic cinema, or in some other way being exposed to classical culture (like we all should).

Statistically, they’ve got to be out there, these hard-working, earth-bound, classy ladies, etc. You know, I’ve got a feeling though they’ve always been hard to find. From reading some older literature (Don Quixote comes to mind), these pitiable creatures and their culture have typically been mainstream. Hindu tradition typifies our age as that of decay (the Kali Yuga), though any other age is basically ancient (greater than 10,000 years) and practically prehistorical if not non-existant.

Just have faith, and patience follows. If you’re out there, so too is the right woman, and the right way of life.

BTW, why don’t you do the farming thing? I’ve thought of it myself, if I had money. Funny thing though, I can’t stand money well enough to make any. Too bad banks claimed all the land. Don’t let them tell you that this isn’t a feudal age…[/quote]

Amen to that. Could’nt have said it any better.

The age you’re at really sucks. I don’t say that to be disrespectful, it’s just that I felt the same way when I was in college. I wasn’t a boy anymore but at the same time I felt like I hadn’t reached manhood because I wasn’t settled down in my life. Well, that’s life. It’ll suck sometimes and it’ll be great sometimes. I thought of dropping out of college so many times but now that I’ve been out for awhile and have been working, making a good living, I’m glad I saw it through until the end. Oh, and as far as the farming deal, I think that goes back to a guy’s instincts. Just my theory, could be bullshit.

Keep at it dude - hard work will always pay off in the end, be it in college, at work, or in the gym. Bust your ass and in the end you’ll have something to show for it.

A word of caution though - don’t let life pass you by. Take any chance you get to kick back and enjoy life, because that’s what it’s all about.

Believe it or not, the more financially helpful your parents are in your adult life, the less financial success you are likely to have. Generally there are 2 types of people in college. Those that party, and those that work their ass’s off.

The best way to explain this is just imagine a guy in the gym, and his parents are there helping lift the weights. This guy will never get stronger because his parents keep lifting the weight for him. Well the same is true in life. If your parents keep lifting your weight, you will be soft and weak.

To expand this, this is why I am leery of entitlements. It is really nice to attempt to help people, yet you have to be careful that you are actually helping, and not just making them weak and incapable.

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

Every spoiled child on earth is a result of love.

Now I have never fit in anywhere. Half the people I know want me committed.

Yet when I look around at what is normal, it scares me. I don’t want to be like “them”. Those normal people living their normal lives.

[quote]IronGame08 wrote:
To make a long story short, I feel like I’m grossly out of place in today’s society, and I don’t know what to do. Bear with me, and don’t consider this a pity party because I’m only writing this to see if anyone else feels the way I do.
[/quote]

i have the same filling often…

mhh sorry… what is a “blue collar family”?

you have to earn what you want to have.
it is the life.
i know a lot of ppl that have everysting handed to them. Empty people.

I start working at 8AM and stop from 10PM to 11.30PM. I understand your feeling. But it is your life. You don’t like it? change it.

A man have to do what a man have to do to be a man.
“dura lex sed lex”

again… it is a choice of you. if you don’t like the shadow… turn on the light. It is inside you. If you want, you can… “Volere ? potere”

cry if you need. But take a louder tone. and take your space…

Welcome on planet Earth. Open your eyes and see the differences among prey and Predator…

i understand your feeling. and what i say you is: go to the farm. Go where your soul is happy. You have 1 (only 1) coin to play this game… use it wisely

Welcome home.

You don’t fit in because you are a T man awash in a sea of children.

A couple of things.

Do you know why you are going to college? Is it just so you have a degree or do you have a career path?

The reason I ask, is because you may find a trade school or community college are more to your liking. They are filled with serious students working on their own dime.

Secondly, don’t neglect the social aspect. I don’t mean become a party animal, but find a group that has like minded individuals. In my mind, being good with people is every bit as important to success as having a good grade point average.

As far as women, the good ones are out there, it just takes patience and paying attention. My wife tried picking me up by asking me for a piece of gum. I gave her some and walked away. Luckily for me she is tenacious.

[quote]The Mage wrote:
Believe it or not, the more financially helpful your parents are in your adult life, the less financial success you are likely to have. Generally there are 2 types of people in college. Those that party, and those that work their ass’s off.

[/quote]

I agree with this. I wasn’t going to respond to the thread at first because the original poster made it seem as if he was giving up. Maybe it was just a weak moment. We all have them. In college, I was never one of the guys who sat outside the student center just watching girls go by. I had shit to do. I could either be found in the biology building or the music building most of the time when not hanging out with people I was close to. I didn’t even consider myself “antisocial”, I just had other things to do. I don’t regret any of that. The only thing I would have changed is how serious I perceived the world. On one hand, it helped me as far as making it through. On the other hand, looking back, life wasn’t that serious…at least not so much that I couldn’t have laughed at it more.

I had friends who dropped out of school. I had people I knew who died. I tried to channel that into me going to school “for them” as well as myself. The only thing I knew for sure is that people were expecting me to make it so I had to stay focused. My grandmother told me that she knew what I was going to be. I just had to figure it out for myself.

The one truth is that five years from now, the decisions you make right now will either put you ahead or allow you to fall behind. In five years, that one party won’t mean much.

I used to regret not just sitting outside the student center, or skipping class just to play video games like my roommates. I think one of them is still in college.

[quote]cadav wrote:

mhh sorry… what is a “blue collar family”?

[/quote]

Blue Collar - A blue-collar worker is a working class employee who performs manual or technical labor, such as in a factory or in technical maintenance “trades,” in contrast to a white-collar worker, who does non-manual work generally at a desk.

La’
Redsol1

Your upbringing and work ethic will serve you well out here in the real world.

Nothing wrong with you at all man. I work in HR for a large corporation and it is very refreshing , encouraging, and rare to see a young person with old school attributes.

Stick to who you are, and you’ll be very successful in career and life.

[quote]travis7 wrote:
The age you’re at really sucks. I don’t say that to be disrespectful, it’s just that I felt the same way when I was in college. I wasn’t a boy anymore but at the same time I felt like I hadn’t reached manhood because I wasn’t settled down in my life. [/quote]

Alice Cooper wrote a song about that…

I admire your character and work ethic. I do think you need to lighten up and loosen up a little. Life is too short to be all work and no play. There is some room for partying and socializing. The socialization aspect of college should not be underestimated as it is a major factor in business success. If you can’t properly handle yourself in social settings, your chances of having a successful career are greatly diminished, unless of course you are going to work alone as a scientist or inventor or another reclusive type occupation.

I find it hard to believe that there are absolutely no other people like you at a large state university. It may seem like it, but with 30,000 odd students about, there are probably several hundred hard-working, no-nonsense students.

I would also caution you about viewing everyone else as low-life partyers just because they have seemingly different morals or work ethics. Believe it or not, you can learn something from everybody.

College should be about broadening yourself as much as it is about academic learning. Otherwise, why not save thousands of $$$ and just buy the books and learn on your own?

My advice, get to know as many different types of people from different backgrounds as you can while you are in college. Learn how to interact with them and find out what makes them tick. This will help you down the road, more than you can imagine right now.

DB

[quote]Kailash wrote:
IronGame08 wrote:
Anyone else feel this way?

Yes. Don’t worry, though, I have faith we will both meet the right women. It just takes longer these days when the majority are fuckwits, having been mass programmed by the idiot box.

Imagine all the flickering blue lights stimulating the same emotions in the same fish-goggle eyes on the same couches all purchased in the same stores. All for the express purpose of making them feel dissatisfied… that they return to those stores for more purchases!

Now imagine some woman not watching tv because she’s working hard (like you). Or outdoors, backpacking or paddling, hunting or foraging (like me). Or reading the classics of literature, exploring classic cinema, or in some other way being exposed to classical culture (like we all should).

Statistically, they’ve got to be out there, these hard-working, earth-bound, classy ladies, etc. You know, I’ve got a feeling though they’ve always been hard to find.

From reading some older literature (Don Quixote comes to mind), the pitiable creatures who surround us, and their culture, have typically been mainstream. Hindu tradition typifies our age as that of decay (the Kali Yuga), though any other age is basically ancient (greater than 10,000 years) and practically prehistorical if not non-existant.

Just have faith, and patience follows. If you’re out there, so too is the right woman, and the right way of life.

[/quote]

Yeah man I just met a girl like that at my new job the other day. Went out 3 times so far. She’s awesome only girl i’ve actually wanted to date or hang out with in a while. Just when you find them make sure you hold on to them and do you’re best not to lose them because they’re so worth it.

stick to your principles
keep your life on track
get out and meet more people from different places, different countries

because no matter how unusual you think you are or how different, I’ll bet you can eventually find a whole bunch of people who are more like-minded and similar

and when you meet a woman that is, well marry her, coz there’s nothing better than a like minded woman who you love to spend time with

be careful not to get prejudice about “blue collar” or “white collar” or whatever, I’ve known idiots with many collars, and I’ve known some good hard nosed hard working strong principled and genius “white collar” peoples at the heights of their professions. In fact most people I know at the very top of intelligencia are quite good, sturdy people, willing to get their hands dirty etc… and so forth in fact I’d say quite the opposite of the picture you are painting.

On the other hand, I’ve also known a lot of college people partying hard.

Then again some of the top people I mentioned before partied hard at uni and were wild in their youth.

So you can’t really judge people or fit it all in a shoebox one way or the other.

I believe everyone benefits from “being true to themselves” and having principles and goals etc… but at the same time, I wonder if everyone ALSO benefits from spending at least some of their life being a goof-off and stuffing around.

Also, I don’t think anyone benefits from pre-judging others or trying to fit them into a category one way or the other.

I have never met a person who didn’t completely surprise me in one way or another.

And final advice: don’t let it get you down.

[quote]Professor X wrote:
The Mage wrote:
Believe it or not, the more financially helpful your parents are in your adult life, the less financial success you are likely to have. Generally there are 2 types of people in college. Those that party, and those that work their ass’s off.

I agree with this. I wasn’t going to respond to the thread at first because the original poster made it seem as if he was giving up. Maybe it was just a weak moment. We all have them. In college, I was never one of the guys who sat outside the student center just watching girls go by. I had shit to do. I could either be found in the biology building or the music building most of the time when not hanging out with people I was close to. I didn’t even consider myself “antisocial”, I just had other things to do. I don’t regret any of that. The only thing I would have changed is how serious I perceived the world. On one hand, it helped me as far as making it through. On the other hand, looking back, life wasn’t that serious…at least not so much that I couldn’t have laughed at it more.

I had friends who dropped out of school. I had people I knew who died. I tried to channel that into me going to school “for them” as well as myself. The only thing I knew for sure is that people were expecting me to make it so I had to stay focused. My grandmother told me that she knew what I was going to be. I just had to figure it out for myself.

The one truth is that five years from now, the decisions you make right now will either put you ahead or allow you to fall behind. In five years, that one party won’t mean much.

I used to regret not just sitting outside the student center, or skipping class just to play video games like my roommates. I think one of them is still in college.[/quote]
well said Prof.
stay focused on what you beleive in and things will fall into place. Focus on the positives of your life, its easy to get sucked into the negatives when everyone around you has a silver spoon hanging out of their mouth. Stay on the grind and you will profit (metaphorically, and literally)