Fasting… what nonsense… some Rabbi once told me that abstaining from food and drink for 25 hours on Yom Kippur was to help take jewish minds off earthly concerns…
I don’t know, ya know? I mean, I’m spiritual… I ain’t prexzactly religious in any organized sort of way, basically I think church is borish and a waste of time, but like my body is my temple and me getting huge and buff and strong and all that simple spiritual shite is like me praising some god or something, so like how… no, I mean why on earth would I starve my temple or whatever… that’s like killing baby jesus or something or having sex with the virgin mary… it’s just not good, dig?
Yeah, yeah, I’m going to hell. Save your preching for another day. This is about food and fasting. I may be cynical, I may be a real doubting thomas… hell, call me crazy, call me a pervert… BUT if there’s one thing in this friggin’ world that I’m gonna do, it’s get friggin’ huge and muscular and strong and all that stuff… praise jesus or that sacred cow you worship… whatever… just cut your prayer short and pass the steak…
The Day of Atonement is at hand, and I don’t plan on atoning for anything. Normally, religious folk go around like they’re in a Twelve Step Program, asking for forgiveness for whatever they did wrong…
Bullshit. Not this one. Not even if you back me into a corner with pitchforks and torches. If I pissed you off, it’s because you fucked up, not me. Deal with it. I’m the curb, you’re the wheel… turn or blow out on my concrete.
Note: If you’re offended, don’t be. Your taking offense to anything this Brock can say is purely you redirecting anger at your significant other for not putting out last night. Leave me out of your marital problems… and if you’re single, don’t blame me if Mr. happy won’t come out to play with Fisty McWank-Wank…
When God gets rid of all the fucking idiots and incompetents in the world that drive people like me to such extreme and sometimes sinful means to make up the difference for, maybe I’ll think of atoning. Until then, he knows what the score is, and he can sit on his lazy holy ass for all eternity without an apology from me. What purpose does starving my divine muscles do for anyone… let alone god… like fasting is like punishment for wanking, and I’m already feeling weak and blind because of it… why should I also feel hungry?
That’s right, Lord. Talk to the hairy hand because the candle ain’t lighting. Do your duty, and I’ll think about doing mine… what about that time I prayed for some strange? Yeah, that’s what I thought… see whatever I did, I did because I had to do because you didn’t do jack squat… exsqueeze me… hack squat. All powerful, all knowing, and all loving and yet you sit up there like a bump on a log since you said “Let there be light” and “Here’s ten rules, now go cut off the tips of your cocks.”
You know, I think he may have something there. Where’s the apology for Auschwitz Lord? A mea culpa for the Inquisition? A brief acknowledgement that the Rhineland massacres during the Crusades might have been handled in a more culturally sensitive manner? Let alone the endless nights of blue balls you ingrateful son-of-a-bitchin deity…
I’m with Woody Allen on this one. All I need is for God to sive me some sign of His existence… for example, by making a large deposit in a Swiss bank account in my name… I don’t care if it’s nazi gold or not… just fill er up…
Pay me no attention, I’m just gruply from having had nothing to eat or drink all day thanks to rules laid down during the Bronze Age and subsequently codified by sages universally acclaimed as the wisest men of the Classical world by their fellow Jesus freaks, who constituted 0.6% of the population… now where’s my gym card? Can’t… think… straight…