[quote]niksamaras wrote:
For the past months, don’t know how long exactly, I have gradually stopped giving a shit what other people think of me or my actions, and I have stopped also caring what I say in public about anyone. I am not lying, I am saying the truth. I am not sharing anyone’s secrets, but if he does something I don’t like or approve, I am going to speak my mind, not in the nicest manner usually.
Therefore, I have turned into an asshole. Any advice for me? A book to read on self-restraint, psychology or something that will help me fix this? I have tried to just not speak my mind, but I can’t, I really can’t. It is slowly building up into me and then BOOM, all hell breaks loose. Any advice?[/quote]
I think this is a phase a lot of us go through as we move from our childhood and an external locus of control to our adulthood and (hopefully) an internal locus of control. This is a good thing. However, as others have mentioned, a lot of people get stuck here because they turn it into an end in itself and a point of pride. This is not a good thing.
The ability to speak your mind freely, openly and directly is highly beneficial. The compulsion to do so at all times is not. It’s juvenile and self defeating. Even as “independent” adults we are still profoundly reliant on the co-operation and goodwill of others for our personal and professional well-being. We will have a hard time with this if we are constantly shitting out our mouths on people.
I think a better question is why are you so emotionally invested in what other people are doing that you feel such tremendous pressure to comment on it when it serves not practical purpose. If you can free yourself from this attachment you will also free up a tremendous amount of emotional capital that is currently being wasted. Also, it bears remembering that your unsolicited opinion should not be confused with “the truth”.
My last piece of advice is that when you do need to give someone an opinion that they may not want to hear, try the shit sandwich. In the most basic terms: 1.)say something complimentary, encouraging and constructive. 2.)Say what you actually wanted to say 3.)finish with something complimentary, encouraging and constructive.
I’m sure you can find a way to get a handle on this. Part of that shift from an external to an internal locus control is about learning to understand, control and ultimately be free of your own impulses.