I Am Becoming an A*shole

[quote]Waittz wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
There is a difference between being an entitled asshole and an appropriate adult assertive male. [/quote]

There is a book, its a blend of selfhelp/satire called Assholeology- the science behind getting your way and getting away with it. One of my favorite books of all time. A MUST read for everyone in this thread. [/quote]
Sounds interesting.

I agree with MattyXL. You can speak your mind/the truth without being an asshole.

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
I agree with MattyXL. You can speak your mind/the truth without being an asshole.
[/quote]
Tact.

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
I agree with MattyXL. You can speak your mind/the truth without being an asshole.
[/quote]
Tact.[/quote]

Yup exactly, Im too wordy lol

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
I agree with MattyXL. You can speak your mind/the truth without being an asshole.
[/quote]
Tact.[/quote]

Exactly.

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]Waittz wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
There is a difference between being an entitled asshole and an appropriate adult assertive male. [/quote]

There is a book, its a blend of selfhelp/satire called Assholeology- the science behind getting your way and getting away with it. One of my favorite books of all time. A MUST read for everyone in this thread. [/quote]
Sounds interesting.[/quote]
Ordered

Have you been working at increasing your free test to a normal range? I am convinced the rest of the world is working at about a 100 ng/dl…

Maybe you are not an asshole, but just a normal male homo sapien. The rest of the world is not normal. That is how I look at it.

By this standard, I am, undeniably, a major asshole.

[quote]MattyXL wrote:
Theres a way to be honest and to the point without being an asshole. I am honest and tell it like it is, but do not feel you have to be a total dick. I think the main issue is that “assholes” are proud to be assholes, because they are honest and blunt and yadda yadda yadda, and the common phrases of “I pull no punches” and “its the pussification of America” comes out.

Now the pussification may be correct to a certain point…but the asshole role that people choose to bestow on themselves I feel is sometimes tough guy behavior and an attempt to be that guy…

Fuck assholes, theres a time and place for everything, but you could be honest without being a jerkoff uhh asshole. [/quote]

For the record, I agree with you and used the term “asshole” because the OP self described himself as one in terms of speaking his mind … I don’t storm around being a dick because I can … Oftentimes just being respectfully honest is “being an asshole” to those who really don’t want honesty, because it disrupts the images they have of themselves or their accomplishments.

I think it comes down just as much to the attitude of the recipient as it does to the deliverer … Tactfully tell an egomaniac he’s wrong, and he’ll at the very least mentally label you an “asshole” “idiot” or a “malcontent” pretty quickly

If I don’t like someone, I don’t pretend I do - no matter their station in life. That doesn’t mean I flip them off every chance I get, but I won’t engage in idle banter with them just to make points. There is far too much of that bs in the world, IMO

Is getting mad that someone parks in front of my house being an asshole?

[quote]niksamaras wrote:
For the past months, don’t know how long exactly, I have gradually stopped giving a shit what other people think of me or my actions, and I have stopped also caring what I say in public about anyone. I am not lying, I am saying the truth. I am not sharing anyone’s secrets, but if he does something I don’t like or approve, I am going to speak my mind, not in the nicest manner usually.

Therefore, I have turned into an asshole. Any advice for me? A book to read on self-restraint, psychology or something that will help me fix this? I have tried to just not speak my mind, but I can’t, I really can’t. It is slowly building up into me and then BOOM, all hell breaks loose. Any advice?[/quote]

How is this panning out at work?

[quote]MattyXL wrote:
Theres a way to be honest and to the point without being an asshole. I am honest and tell it like it is, but do not feel you have to be a total dick. I think the main issue is that “assholes” are proud to be assholes, because they are honest and blunt and yadda yadda yadda, and the common phrases of “I pull no punches” and “its the pussification of America” comes out.

Now the pussification may be correct to a certain point…but the asshole role that people choose to bestow on themselves I feel is sometimes tough guy behavior and an attempt to be that guy…

Fuck assholes, theres a time and place for everything, but you could be honest without being a jerkoff uhh asshole. [/quote]

Great post.

There are also times in life where would should or has to shut the fuck up and keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves.

The workplace comes to mind, especially if you are not the highest on the totem pole. No, it doesn’t mean one should tolerate mistreatment, but unless you’re the owner, highest ranking manager, or top brass, there are times when one has to take shit, else they’ll be broke and possibly be a crying, broke asshole.

And not everyone is in the mood to hear everyone’s unsavory opinions all the time. I’ve seen a fair share of “tell it like it is” and “I shoot from the hip” type of men and women run into trouble.

I’m definitely all for your approach of insulting someone while still being well behaved–WHEN it’s called for, that is.

[quote]Airtruth wrote:
Is getting mad that someone parks in front of my house being an asshole?[/quote]

Yeah. I’m not a tough guy but I’ve told off more than one person who thought they owned the street in front of their homes.

My grandfather once had his hands around some guy’s neck and said “You threaten him and I’ll kill you” because some tough guy rudely told my uncle he didn’t want him to park in front of his home and that he’d wreck his car if he did so. So Tough Guy/Asshole encountered an even tougher guy.

If someone is going to freely behave like an asshole, be ready.

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]niksamaras wrote:
For the past months, don’t know how long exactly, I have gradually stopped giving a shit what other people think of me or my actions, and I have stopped also caring what I say in public about anyone. I am not lying, I am saying the truth. I am not sharing anyone’s secrets, but if he does something I don’t like or approve, I am going to speak my mind, not in the nicest manner usually.

Therefore, I have turned into an asshole. Any advice for me? A book to read on self-restraint, psychology or something that will help me fix this? I have tried to just not speak my mind, but I can’t, I really can’t. It is slowly building up into me and then BOOM, all hell breaks loose. Any advice?[/quote]

How is this panning out at work?[/quote]

No problems so far. I do what I am told to do, and that’s it. I don’t an opinion because I don’t care. It’s his company, not mine. When he asks for my opinion, I tell him. If not, all is well. He told me he respects me for that.

[quote]browndisaster wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]Waittz wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
There is a difference between being an entitled asshole and an appropriate adult assertive male. [/quote]

There is a book, its a blend of selfhelp/satire called Assholeology- the science behind getting your way and getting away with it. One of my favorite books of all time. A MUST read for everyone in this thread. [/quote]
Sounds interesting.[/quote]
Ordered[/quote]

The book alone is worth it for all the asswhole quotes:

this one is my favorite still

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.

[quote]MattyXL wrote:
Theres a way to be honest and to the point without being an asshole. I am honest and tell it like it is, but do not feel you have to be a total dick. I think the main issue is that “assholes” are proud to be assholes, because they are honest and blunt and yadda yadda yadda, and the common phrases of “I pull no punches” and “its the pussification of America” comes out.

Now the pussification may be correct to a certain point…but the asshole role that people choose to bestow on themselves I feel is sometimes tough guy behavior and an attempt to be that guy…

Fuck assholes, theres a time and place for everything, but you could be honest without being a jerkoff uhh asshole. [/quote]

Agreed. I used the term asshole because I have been told I am one a lot lately. I am in no way tough, it’s the exact opposite. But when people ask for my opinion or I feel like I have to say something, it is 100% truth only and people don’t like that.

[quote]Waittz wrote:

[quote]browndisaster wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]Waittz wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
There is a difference between being an entitled asshole and an appropriate adult assertive male. [/quote]

There is a book, its a blend of selfhelp/satire called Assholeology- the science behind getting your way and getting away with it. One of my favorite books of all time. A MUST read for everyone in this thread. [/quote]
Sounds interesting.[/quote]
Ordered[/quote]

The book alone is worth it for all the asswhole quotes:

this one is my favorite still

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.[/quote]

Another, guy is like the GOAT for asswhole quotes

Nancy Astor: Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.
Churchill: If I were your husband I would take it.

[quote]niksamaras wrote:

[quote]MattyXL wrote:
Theres a way to be honest and to the point without being an asshole. I am honest and tell it like it is, but do not feel you have to be a total dick. I think the main issue is that “assholes” are proud to be assholes, because they are honest and blunt and yadda yadda yadda, and the common phrases of “I pull no punches” and “its the pussification of America” comes out.

Now the pussification may be correct to a certain point…but the asshole role that people choose to bestow on themselves I feel is sometimes tough guy behavior and an attempt to be that guy…

Fuck assholes, theres a time and place for everything, but you could be honest without being a jerkoff uhh asshole. [/quote]

Agreed. I used the term asshole because I have been told I am one a lot lately. I am in no way tough, it’s the exact opposite. But when people ask for my opinion or I feel like I have to say something, it is 100% truth only and people don’t like that.
[/quote]

From what you’re saying it doesn’t seem like you’re an asshole and more like a guy who minds his business and gives input when asked for it.

[quote]niksamaras wrote:
For the past months, don’t know how long exactly, I have gradually stopped giving a shit what other people think of me or my actions, and I have stopped also caring what I say in public about anyone. I am not lying, I am saying the truth. I am not sharing anyone’s secrets, but if he does something I don’t like or approve, I am going to speak my mind, not in the nicest manner usually.

Therefore, I have turned into an asshole. Any advice for me? A book to read on self-restraint, psychology or something that will help me fix this? I have tried to just not speak my mind, but I can’t, I really can’t. It is slowly building up into me and then BOOM, all hell breaks loose. Any advice?[/quote]

I think this is a phase a lot of us go through as we move from our childhood and an external locus of control to our adulthood and (hopefully) an internal locus of control. This is a good thing. However, as others have mentioned, a lot of people get stuck here because they turn it into an end in itself and a point of pride. This is not a good thing.

The ability to speak your mind freely, openly and directly is highly beneficial. The compulsion to do so at all times is not. It’s juvenile and self defeating. Even as “independent” adults we are still profoundly reliant on the co-operation and goodwill of others for our personal and professional well-being. We will have a hard time with this if we are constantly shitting out our mouths on people.

I think a better question is why are you so emotionally invested in what other people are doing that you feel such tremendous pressure to comment on it when it serves not practical purpose. If you can free yourself from this attachment you will also free up a tremendous amount of emotional capital that is currently being wasted. Also, it bears remembering that your unsolicited opinion should not be confused with “the truth”.

My last piece of advice is that when you do need to give someone an opinion that they may not want to hear, try the shit sandwich. In the most basic terms: 1.)say something complimentary, encouraging and constructive. 2.)Say what you actually wanted to say 3.)finish with something complimentary, encouraging and constructive.

I’m sure you can find a way to get a handle on this. Part of that shift from an external to an internal locus control is about learning to understand, control and ultimately be free of your own impulses.

Need more specifics really.

I mean, being an ‘asshole’ at work can land in you in a lot of shit, being an ass down the pub might well end up with you getting ‘jumped’ etc

Sometimes, speaking the truth (at least as you see it) is honourable, honest, useful, even brave! Other times it’s merely cathartic for YOUR & really only your own rather momentary benefit/therapy.

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

Yeah. I’m not a tough guy but I’ve told off more than one person who thought they owned the street in front of their homes.
[/quote]

It’s a private street, I do own it.