T Nation

I Am Becoming an A*shole


#1

For the past months, don't know how long exactly, I have gradually stopped giving a shit what other people think of me or my actions, and I have stopped also caring what I say in public about anyone. I am not lying, I am saying the truth. I am not sharing anyone's secrets, but if he does something I don't like or approve, I am going to speak my mind, not in the nicest manner usually.

Therefore, I have turned into an asshole. Any advice for me? A book to read on self-restraint, psychology or something that will help me fix this? I have tried to just not speak my mind, but I can't, I really can't. It is slowly building up into me and then BOOM, all hell breaks loose. Any advice?


#2

Stop reading GAL?


#3

WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


#4

Eh, just practice being charming?


#5

Being an a-hole is a craft that needs to be finely honed.

I see that its best used while at work, but you have to be a productive worker to pull it off. But sometimes its hard to be an a-hole when you work in a sea of a-holes.

Rob


#6

Malaka,

I generally live by the rule "If it does not effect me, then don't worry about it and ignore it". Sometimes it makes your life easier to "keep the peace" and just get on with things.

Obviously there are some occasions where you have to speak up and say something.

tweet


#7


^ How I want to respond to most everyone

actually a very good thread idea. Learning how to deal with whiners and idiots is important. I've been reading this book:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0071629963
and it has helped a bit, but I'm in for suggestions


#8

There is a difference between being an entitled asshole and an appropriate adult assertive male.


#9

You don't look impressive for a user.


#10

True. Does is seem like assertiveness in person is on the decline?

I notice it on these forums. Someone writes a report about some event that pisses them off. Rather than being assertive in real life.


#11

Conflict resolution is on the decline for sure. In the adult world solving problems with your fists or being passive aggressive seems to be the only way to approach anything when you have a problem.

I blame stupid people.


#12

Sadly many very intelligent people behave in this manner.


#13

Congratulations....


#14

Been an asshole my whole life, it's all I know, lol

I've always spoken my mind, and rarely pull a punch. For the most part it's hurt me with work and in relationships. I'm not a complete tactless idiot or crazy vulgar maniac, but I will always tell you what I really think. Most people don't want to hear that - even when they say they do. They want their asses kissed and their ego's stroked.

Funny thing is, while some in my world (especially bosses) hate this about me and seek to passively aggressively break me .... My co workers love me for it because I act like NO ONE else .... Even when I'm getting on them, I think deep down they respect the fact that I will call it like I see it. I've been called "refreshing" numerous times ..... A term I would never use to describe myself, but I guess when the majority is a bunch of self serving, back stabbing charlatans, being an HONEST asshole might BE refreshing.

At the end of the day, not being so blunt would have made for an easier life.... But for me, it would have all been fake. You are what you are .... And if "they" don't like it - fuck 'em.

Just be aware there ARE consequences to that mindset ......


#15

You're damn right about that. It's amazing how insecure many bosses are and how they love the attention. My behavior in the workplace was much like yours, until it fucked me out of a dream job...

I hate ass kissers. This is my workplace philosophy now, I never complain, say a negative word, and work hard. I spend quite a bit of time networking....not ass kissing. Fine line though.


#16

Theres a way to be honest and to the point without being an asshole. I am honest and tell it like it is, but do not feel you have to be a total dick. I think the main issue is that "assholes" are proud to be assholes, because they are honest and blunt and yadda yadda yadda, and the common phrases of "I pull no punches" and "its the pussification of America" comes out.

Now the pussification may be correct to a certain point....but the asshole role that people choose to bestow on themselves I feel is sometimes tough guy behavior and an attempt to be that guy....

Fuck assholes, theres a time and place for everything, but you could be honest without being a jerkoff uhh asshole.


#17

I'm constantly told I'm an asshole. I think it has more to do with me being like the OP in that I don't typically entertain the BS people like to spew unless I find them a person I care to associate with. In that case I just dial back my boredom.

I'm a pretty straight shooter at work but I also care little about my current job so I have no reason to get all worked up. I pretty much just try and keep myself entertained and let everyone else do all the stressing.


#18

Remember, assholes are only an inch and a half away from being a pussy...


#19

There is a book, its a blend of selfhelp/satire called Assholeology- the science behind getting your way and getting away with it. One of my favorite books of all time. A MUST read for everyone in this thread.


#20

Also, the book will explain further. There is a difference between being an asswhole and a douchebag. OP, sounds like you are just beeing a douchebag.