T Nation

Hypocrisy, Hot-Blood, and Self-Control


#1

Hot blooded = No control?

Yeah, its all a definitions game, but I am starting to think that there are 2 types of people in the world, and that theres a bridge that cannot be crossed.

Type 1: Hot-blooded, tell-it-like-you-feel-it, cannot hide it types.

Type 2: In control, stoic, can hide it, in control types.

Type 1s accuse the Type 2s of being hypocrits. Type 2s accuse Type1s of being out-of-control.

I am essentially a Type 2 person. However I have seen enough Type 1s in various situations and I always find myself asking the question:

When hot-blooded people say they cannot hold it in, are they telling the truth? Is it something above their willpower? Truly? Or is it just a useful shortcut that works fine for them (i.e. the other party gives in quicker in response to this tactic) ?

(The same question could apply to extroverts vs introverts, although I believe culture and upbringing weigh a lot more in the final mix.)


#2

I believe ditching the "hot-blooded" attitude - like most changes - requires a long term effort. Maybe "type 1s" actually can't voluntarily take control of their behaviour instantaneously as a result of specific incidents and situations. If they fail to address the issue as a constant endeavour that takes time, though, I guess you might as well consider a reference to their "personality type" as a cheap excuse.


#3

You mention people who show their anger by releasing it, and those who hold in that anger.

There is at least one more group of people. Those who control their emotions, and do not actually get angry, or at least as angry.

I know I used to be about 1 and a half.

At times I lost it, and other times I held it in and turned that rage into emotional self torture. Truly I learned Type 1 from my Father, and Type 2 from my Mother.

But as I got older, I realized my learned method of coping wasn't working for me, and I needed a new paradigm.

Instead of getting upset and throwing a tantrum, or getting upset, and brooding in my own self pity, I started thinking about situations. What is going on here that is upsetting me? Am I overreacting? What is the best way to respond to this situation?

This is actually focusing on the solution instead of the problem. Too often when people are bitching and moaning, it means they are focused on the problem and not the solution. It seems like a very minor thing, but it is actually very important. It is the difference between a person who complains they are fat, and the person who exercises, and eats right.

And for $42.95 I will send you my new success book "Focus on the Future".

Oh crap, I forgot, I didn't write a book. Damn. Oh well, send me the money anyway.


#4

I don't believe in the Zodiac much at all, but I do find the relation of personality types extremely interesting, and in my case, completely accurate. I am a fire sign. I act like one in every discription I can find about it. For instance:

I couldn't think of a better way to describe how I feel from day to day. I express emotion very easily initially even though I never lose control. In fact, in very tense situations, especially in professional environments, I will simply turn any emotion inward until I have control of it and calm down.

To most people around me, I would probably appear very quiet and reserved. I think that comes down to discipline which is something learned and developed over time. I remember my initial lessons as far as discipline in controling emotions came from martial arts training.

Without that and the way I was raised, I would probably blow up fairly easily in tense situations.

In other words, internally, I am raging in the few seconds after an "insult". Externally, people seem to characterize me as being quiet and extremely reserved.

More specifically, Aries:

Of course some of these concepts are overly romanticized, but I meet many people who seem to act just like their sign would indicate. I think there is some truth there in between the myth and that birthdates may have more to do with our initial character than many "scientific" minds would ever be willing to accept.

Bottom line, if it weren't for being able to "release" in the weight room, I would probably have no outlet for it. It helps in that aspect and is very often a gift in terms of initiating action.


#5

Control is learned. I believe personality is largely innate. My assistant has twins that are about 2 years old. They are fraternal twins and their personalities at such a young age are night and day. This is odd seeing as they come from the exact same environment.

I doubt that as long as discussions about religion, the soul, or the spirit struggle with those who believe only in science (as their 'religion') this will ever be completely understood.


#6

Very interesting. I would have thought that twins would have very very similar pre-programmed patterns.

I also tended to underestimate the power of social conditioning ... until I got some. For example, when I got very aggressive on a subject at work (translation: you better have a damn good strategy to convince me otherwise), people started keeping me out of the loop because my intense view was not welcome.

Since being kept out of the loop is a real career killer, I started to understand why office politicians eventually climb the success pyramid quicker and hotheads stay on the low-level jobs.

What`s the point? In the nature vs nurture debate, it always amazes me how social control and feedback influences the process. Sub-cultures can be very powerful. Even stubborn dudes like me eventually get the point.


#7

In the mind of this type-1 personality, some things strike in such a way that I instantly and briefly lose the ability to control what goes from my mind to my mouth. It is something that has caused many arguments, but one always knows where he stands with me.

I can say that I am working on having more control, or rather, exercising more control over how I present my opinion. Sorry, but some people are stupid and need to be smote on spot.


#8

I was trying to find a way to describe what happens in my head - and you nailed it. It's not even a conscious decision.

I can never remember thinking, "This guy is angering me. I am seriously considering giving him a piece of my mind."


#9

I had a feeling we shared this attribute by the feeling of some of your posts, lol. Damn it's nice to know there are others that just can't handle blatant bullshit.