I saw this on the Maxim site a long time ago. It’s called…guess what…
Steal the Girl!
A no-fail plan for commandeering someone else’s girlfriend.
Step #1: Case the joint.[I think you’ve already done this]
Without becoming a stalker, get close to this girl—join her pottery class, hang out at her health club, befriend her roommate—and worm your way into her confidence by any means necessary.
Step #2: Show her your stuff.
In your one-on-one talks with her, find excuses to talk about your strengths and Dickhead’s shortcomings. Use backhanded compliments, like: “I really envy Joe’s ability to make ends meet on his salary. Personally, I just don’t think I could do it.”
Step #3: Start sabotaging your rival.
If you’ve planted the seeds of doubt, tension will start to grow between Dipshit and his girlfriend. He will be looking for answers—and you, his gal’s new chum, will be in a prime position to besiege him with crummy advice. Tell him she hates public displays of affection; claim the surprise trip he’s planning will only scare her off…you get the idea. As you comb the romance out of their relationship, keep asking her, “What’s wrong? You seem down lately…”
Step #4: Be there for her.
As your advice to him sours things again and again, at some point The Dork King’s going to get wise and stop listening to you. Suddenly your relationship with her—the deep conversations, the long walks, yadda yadda yadda—will start bugging him worse than inflamed hemorrhoids on a six-month cattle drive. He’ll tell her to stop seeing you; she’ll accuse him of being an overprotective meathead; and she’ll gravitate to you, the only guy who understands her.
Step #5: Finish him off.
For the coup de grace: Become the most sensitive son of a bitch she ever laid eyes on, especially when they fight. The more she obsesses about what’s wrong with her current guy, the sooner she’ll realize she needs a guy more like—hey, what are you doing Friday night?