T Nation

How to Speak British


yea, so, i wanna learn to speak British, or English (or whatever you chums wanna call yourselves).

im thinking i should pick up movies like Layer Cake, The Limey, Goldmember, stuff with Michael Caine or by Guy Ritchie, maybe some Monty Python... in order to learn what super cool stuff Brits say so i can be as super cool as them.

anybody got any other ideas.

P.S. bollocks!



Stuff with Michael Caine . . . like Jaws The Revenge?


he was in that? im thinking stuff like The Man Who Would Be Kind, Goldmember, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels... i dunno. he's British and one of my favorite actors.


It was great having him be Alfred in Batman Begins.

Yeah he was in the Jaws movie where the shark actually roared . . . hey sometimes you need the money. :wink:


Listen to BBC Radio.


And never ever equate British and English, the Welsh and Scots will not be happy with ya.


lessons are starting here...

1) Dick van dyke was THE worst cockney accent ever

2) Everyone outside of london hates cockneys anyway

3) NERVER call a welshman or Scotsman English and vica versa.

4) Become aware of the north/south divide that seperates england. All people in the south are strange, whereas northerners are cool, can shag all night, and generally look better.

5) swearwords you may need to use and what they mean : -

tosser (wanker)
wanker (tosser)
bollocks (testicles)
dogs bollocks (really good)..as in supermick is clearly the dogs bollocks.
minge, snatch, twat (womens bits)
wenching (when you go out in a vain attempt to "hook up")

there are many more......i may be back with some later.


Of course, that's chav speak. Nothing better than listening to the BBC World Service. Speaking like a Cockney gangster will mean that no-one will understand you outside of London's East End, or worse, assume you are trying to get into EastEnders, the soap opera.


I will add some more to this:

1) Well Good (Translation: very good)
2) Init (Isn't it?)
3) Fags (Cigarettes)
4) Draw (Cannabis)
5) Sheep Shagger (Welshman/woman)
6) Tosser (Wanker)
7) Chav (Wannabe gangstas who wear Reebok classic, tracksuits and fake burburie caps)

You have to appreciate the colourful use of the English Language,



One reason Americans find Brits, Welsh, and Scots so intriguing and cool is because they are FOREIGN. They are from another place, and that adds excitement. I have a feeling that if you adopt a British dialect or even just their vernacular, people will think you're trying way too hard to be someone you're not. Nothing is more uncool than that. Be real.


Something about Brit-wannabe American girls really turn me on.

I live in the you-kay,



Very good point. You could end up sounding like a tit (idiot). This would not be cool. Im a bit pissed off actually as many american phrases are defficating our great language. Im pissed off with "bling", "aiiiiight" and others. "its all gravy" isnt bad. Maybe jerry springer had polluted my mind.

I have a couple of questions for you guys too...

Why the hell was benny hill so popular in the US?

is it true you think we Brits all have bad teeth?

lastly, monty python has been hinted at already but if you want real british modern humour id recommend....

phoenix nights by peter kay..
the office..
the fast show...

ill think of a few more soon....


just listen to our radio stations, that should help

here's a load of different stations in 1 place



You forgot Little Britain,



i dont want that one.


That's what my mother always told me. So why do I get dumped for British chaps?

Being real is for the weak!


I know.


Learn Geordie. Wye Aye man! We have the best accents and lexicon in Britain here in Newcastle. Plus Brown Ale comes from here (or it did until they moved the brewery 2 miles down the road into neighbouring Gateshead).


Why learn English/British anyway?
If it's to impress the ladies by appearing 'foreign' then you can't go past a kiwi (New Zealand) accent. Works like a charm in pretty much all the world as there are still some people who don't even know where we are.


Watch Coronation Street

\|/ 3Toes