T Nation

How to Pick a Mistress


#1

I've been sleeping with this crappy knockoff mistress for a couple years and it's not exactly promoting restful sleep. Time to ditch it for something better. Are there considerations for athletes versus Joe 24-pack? The question is how you figure out what kind is right for you. I'm not sure that laying down with one for 5 minutes in a store when you're wide awake helps to make the right choice either.

Anyone find the holy grail of mistresses or can at least make a recommendation? Chiro's, MD's, or any other of you Mensa inductees out there who knows a little something about anything? Sounds retarded, but since sleep with one consumes 1/3 of your sleeping life, it's probably at least thread-worthy.


#2

eHarmony you will not be sorry.


#3

Man I had this idea like 5 hrs ago lol


#4

Tits or GTFO


#5

Find one who has as much, if not more, to lose than you if it's found out. The threat of mutually assured destruction really makes people discrete.


#6

ass-to-mouth or get the fuck out.

On a related note, I have found that the Fremont School For the Deaf is a great place to shop for mistresses. Since they're deaf, most of them can't talk either, which is of benefit for many different reasons. But they can still moan and scream and shit like that so when you're banging some 15 y/o dude you just stole from his speech pathology class in the janitor's closet, he'll let you know he's into it in a very vocal manner, but if he escapes he'll never be able to communicate properly that he just got his asshole widened. Is there even a way to sign "DBCooper just ass-pillaged me in a most inhumane manner and then threatened to slit my fucking throat if I ever say anything"?

Plus, you can steal these fucking mongos and keep 'em in a safe house near your home. They won't say shit because they can't, they'll never hear you enter the house until it's far too late for them to do anything about it and if they should escape, what are they gonna do, tell your wife/gf? There's no way your significant other is going to understand it when some deaf/dumb mute is trying to sign to her that you just stole him from a school for deaf children and that you've been stashing him in a safe house for six months and feeding him Spam and catfood and distilled urine and that you've been carrying out some sado-masochistic fantasy with this fucking reTARD flailing his arms around in a hysterical manner.


#7

More fun that way too


#8

Look at the 09er making me lol!


#9


Rush approves your post.


#10

Like most things in life, you get what you pay for (assuming you've done your research).

Choose wisely.


#11

Not my kind of mistress


#12

I saw them windowshopping at Little Sisters of the Poor the other day, but apparently the opposite sex isn't quite their thing....


#13

Rock are you nesting or something? You've been mellowing out and I'm not sure I like it...


#14

Lol...


#15

I don't like it either..But, with a kid on the way its hard to turn on the wickedness, ya know?

I'll cook up something brutal for ya soon though. I cant take this anymore either.


#16

Finally bought a new mistress about 2 years ago. High-school buddy worked there and gave me a decent discount, but still spent about $1500 an hour. Worth every penny. When you consider that your sex is one of the main factors in recovery, and therefore your progress, this is not somewhere you want to cheap out.


#17

I think someone wants their throat slit.


#18

There's basically three categories of Mistress...

Power Dynamic
1. A woman who has authority, control, or power, esp. the female head of a household, institution, or other establishment,; a woman employing, or in authority over, servants or attendants; a female owner of an animal, or formerly, a slave; a woman who has the power of controlling or disposing of something at her own pleasure: mistress of a great fortune.

Skill Dynamic
2. A women who is skilled in something, as an occupation or art.

Whore Dynamic
3. A woman who has a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, esp. a man who, in return for an exclusive and continuing liaison, provides her with financial support.

Maybe Rockula likes skilled Fem Domme's? But you usually still have to pay for those.... IDK


#19

I've never paid. The 2 times I've met my mistress they've been free. She likes the challenge I give her because I'm fluid when it comes to dom/sub stuff. I'm a fighter.


#20

I like a queen size latex topped mistress. She is always a good lay. When I am on or in my mistress I find that I get good stress relief and good recovery from my workouts.
A good thing about a top mistress is that they never complain when you get into them.
They never have a headache.
They are easily warmed up.
You can get in them 3 times a day and they are always ready for you.
You can get into them from the side, the end and, at times from the top with no complaints.
You can always ditch them and get a new one when the old one gets all saggy and stained.
They can take your load no matter how big.
If you are too heavy for your mistress, just put a plank underneath and you are good to go.