Hello; sorry i take a long time to answer, i living in a new city, a lot of things…
Yes is right… Is harder for me to control how much i drink when i start to drink, iam like a fire who continue to grow untill he die.
When i was young i was “shy” maybe i start to drink for that, i got some fear from peoples in general, even if i can talk with them, i stay “close” inside.
But after i start to like drink, but not for the same reason, i start to feel the failure, to break the brain, i try some others stuff but nothing was like alcohol for me.
I don’t have so much fun when iam in some party, it is ridiculus i know, just im feel bored, iam not more clever than peoples, i just don’t laugh with them so often so alcohol was also a way to go out of myself, not because i don’t accept myself.
i take a bad routine when i was young, because all of my relationship with girl start by drinking alcohol, of course i get some relationship without that, and they was the best, but drinking was always close to me, even if i “control” and drink in the weeknd, somethime that was often but never a long time.
I just know that i like that, so i can’t continu to drink because i really like that, somethime in party, my pleasure is not to fuck, to talk and so on, but to feel this sensation of to be drunk, that make me in a sense peaceful, the feeling that for a time i stop to exist, even if iam not particular sad, i like this feeling to stop to think and exist for a while
sorry that my english is not so good, tell me if u understand, if u don’t i will take my time for make something more clear