T Nation

How To Kill Yourself Like A Man


#1

So I was reading some old articles on Maddox's website and came across this article.

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide

I think it's fucking hilarious. For those who don't know who Maddox is, check out the main page and read the articles, and proceed to laugh.

So... what are some more manly ways to kill yourself?


#2

You could douse yourself in gasoline, stab yourself in the groin, then jump into a fire. That would be pretty manly. Or you could go for a sky dive, but instead of a parachute use a 1/2 inch foam pad.


#3

Here is something I found on Bash.org that would be quite manly.


#4

R.I.P Jesse Marunde.


#5

This technique would be even better if you were wearing a kids Halloween costume and dive fins.


#6

What does this have to do with this thread?


#7

Because he died manlily


#8

He didn't kill himself, he died, so no it doesn't have anything to do with this thread.


#9

There is nothing manly about suicide. It is the most selfish act there is.


#10

Unless you run head-first into traffic.

I always thought home-style electrocutions were pretty cool, as well.


#11

Not when you you make a suicide vest covered in $20 bills and chocolate coins, then blow yourself up in the poor section of town.


#12

Deadlifting 1100lbs and after you lockout twist to the side a little so your spine snaps and stabs you in the heart.

While smokeing a cigar and holding a flame thrower...


#13

Why would it be a selfish act? Unless you were a family man or something, I don't see how it could be selfish.

What if everyone around you WANTED you to kill yourself? Then you would be doing a service to those poor people.

Take me for instance. Just about everyone I know hates my guts and openly wishes for me to die. I don't kill myself simply because I enjoy making other people mad.I could just get with the program and hang myself in the garage and I even have a noose already made, but I don't do it.

Only because when I think of how happy everyone would be if I was dead, it makes me sick. I would rather be alive and miserable and make everyone else miserable, than be dead and happy, and make everyone else happy.

So in my case, being alive is the most selfish thing you can do!


#14

Grow some balls, Dr. Phil.


#15

You have no idea how enormous an erection I have now after reading that.


#16

Create a harem of beautiful slave women who will do anything to you. Then buy 2 espresso machines. Do the nasty with the girl of your choice. When you finish, have an espresso. Make sure you get the other machine going before you head back. Rinse and repeat. It should also be noted that eating a steak in 1 bite and punching holes in the wall in between bouts of bumping uglies will net you extra points towards 'the manliest suicide imaginable'.


#17

I am to lazy/dumb to work this out properly, can someone post a diagram please as it sounds great


#18


Death by snoo snoo!


#19

Fucking brilliant.


#20

If I wanted to off myself, I would climb into the cage with "The Spider"!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=FDmJamrT1ow