I was going to bump this in the silicone thread, but this story is too damn good not to share. I’ve had a bad year, but I just had the greatest weekend of my career…and breast implants were involved! Here’s the rundown:
1.Drove home to be in my best friend’s wedding.
2.Got pissed off at psycho ex gf over the phone on the way. Grew a sack, told her I never wanted to talk to her again.
3.Met one of the bridesmaids at rehearsal dinner: a beautiful sweetheart of a girl with a tight little body and a huge breast-implanted rack. Sweet.
4.Went out to club with new friend. Made it a point to be seen in hometown with a girl much finer than my ex. Played tonsil hockey, played with funbags, and dry humped hottie on dance floor. Scene was witnessed by two female friends of my ex. They congratulated me as they realize my ex is a skank. One of them tells me she always wanted me, lets me kiss her nipples while date is in bathroom. Yum.
5.Despite the best efforts of her cock-blocking disapproving friend (my partner in wedding), got nekkid with bridesmaid in hotel. Bitchy friend stomped out, got her own room. Laid the wood.
5.Angry friend left hotel room door propped open on her way out.
6.Rudest awakening: bride comes to hotel in morning, barges in room, sees two members of wedding party looking like drunken nekkid train wrecks. Bride goes apeshit because her girl slept through hair appointment. Approx. 30 F-bombs are dropped, things are thrown, they leave, I go back to sleep.
7.Wedding goes great. My three closest boys in the world and I, along with the rest of wedding party, kill 10 bottles of champagne, 3 bottles of Crown in limo bus before reception.
8.We eat, drink, be merry. Everyone at reception somehow knows that I hooked up. I lose track of the number of people who come up to me and say “strong work brother.”
9.We go to the bar to continue the party. My ex calls me 5 times bitching. I have my new friend answer. She decides to have her tough guy friend call me and threaten me. I laugh and tell him I’ll have to call him back because I have a fine bridesmaid to go nail.
10.We go to hotel, you know the rest.
11.She takes me to breakfast, gives me her number and a necklace given to her by the bride as something to remember her by.
12.Bride’s father takes her to airport, she flies home to other side of country.
13.I go to bride’s house to say goodbye, bride’s father pulls me aside and tells me that the girl is in love with me, and that I should fly out to see her asap, then marry her.
Life is good. Pictures will be posted pending her approval.