I was never really a believer in needing to be around successful people to become successful, but I’m starting to shift my mentality on that a bit.
They say that iron sharpens iron. Have any of you effectively networked with successful men, and how did you accomplish this?
Would you say it is crucially important to becoming successful?
EDIT:
I’m making this thread because I have no friends… I don’t know anyone that’s doing as much as I am or is growing at the rate I am, and I feel that a network of great men I could rely on to help steer me in the right direction (at times) would be a tremendously valuable asset.
I honestly hope any relationships forged from these efforts are mutually beneficial.
Might as well go ahead and tag @blshaw@BrickHead and @Bauber because y’all are obviously in this group of people. Feel free to tag anyone else you think fits in this net.
I have people in my circle that I have met various places, gym, trap shooting, law school, high school, business, various jobs.
They come from diverse backgrounds, but they are all VERY successful in what they do.
You must surround yourself with successful and driven people as I think everyone here knows.
I guess my question is are you asking how you go about finding those people and befriending them / networking with them? I won’t have much to give there. I have just been lucky I guess.
Here’s some random personal anecdotes from me, an internet stranger in no particular order. Maybe it’s just deranged rambling and maybe some of it makes sense.
People you network with and do business deals in most cases are not your friends, your relationships tend to be based on mutual benefit and they will ditch you accordingly if things go south for you and you’re not valuable to them, despite parties and boating trips or whatnot. Bear this in mind if you’re looking for a mentor figure/friend and have a tendency to open up on a personal level.
Ideally, you’d want to be an expert in a specific field so that people hire your company despite your character traits (cough cough). If that’s not possible or you live in a small town then joining the local “elite” is the way to go through poker/golf/hunting/whatever.
Do favors for free to people you encounter that aren’t freeloading trash, but do not let them take advantage of you - set clear boundaries of what you’re willing to help/do, no BSing and be fully transparent (hey, I can make the call and set up an interview for your kid, but after that it’s up to him) 98% people you’ve helped will be ungrateful assholes but in general your reputation among some important people will grow
Do not be impressed by other people’s wealth and/or status. If they see that you are impressed, they’ll take advantage of you, even in very subtle ways.
Be flexible and do not think in purely transactional terms, prepare for sunk costs. Be flexible and prepared to do business with people you have no personal connection to, assuming you set clear boundaries, tolerate no BS and have societal trust.
When I first read your post it had a strong overtone in weight lifting. You have since edited that out.
I will say that after lifting at college where there were no strong men, my progress was steady, but slow. When I came back home, I found myself surrounded by strong men. That upped my progress. We worked out at the downtown YMCA. I new gym opened and we all joined there and picked up an Ohio State graduate who powerlifted. The strong men got stronger, as if the “competition” amongst ourselves pushed us harder.
Then the powerlifter opened a gym. We all went there. We formed a powerlifting team where we competed primarily throughout Florida. Two more competitive powerlifters joined. We all got stronger. We won about every team trophy that we competed. Many started competing in bodybuilding contests. We won many trophies. We all got better.
You better believe that if you surround yourself with successful men, you too improve your chances of being successful.
Maybe it was a coincidence that “all the cards fell into place”, maybe not. But most definitely “iron sharpens iron.”
Side note: A thread was started about gym etiquette not many days ago. There was no question of the etiquette there. Many people around town talked about our gym, saying you better be a monster to workout there. People politely worked in to use equipment, without resistance from the person on the piece of equipment.
My problem is finding people who are as successful as i am, or more successful and still growing. I don’t believe in plateauing out of growth. Everyone i know in person is less successful or doing less than I am… not trying to be arrogant at all, this just happens to be true.
Don’t know if you’re still interested in doing programming but checking out local meetups could be a great way to meet people who are in the space. Could potentially get a few hard workers and/or connections for jobs, there’s usually a wide array of talent (complete beginners to seasoned pros). I haven’t been to one since I moved to the middle of nowhere but googling {{language_of_choice}} code meetup {{your_location}} should work, likely will be both remote and in-person options.
Find hobbies around you that attract successful people.
I am not saying you can’t have friends that less successful or doing less, but they aren’t going to help further your career or financial success usually.
Attend events that successful people attend.
Use social media - join groups - post - interact
Join professional groups - attend their events
Volunteer at big charity events (I met a few people doing this with habitat for humanity and feed the homeless type events, St Jude car show fundraisers, etc.)
Reach out. Identify successful people that you would like to connect with and reach out to them directly. Send them a message or email introducing yourself, expressing your interest in their work, and asking if they would be willing to chat or meet.
It is kind of like dating - you lose on every chance you don’t take. Will many brush you off? Sure, but some won’t. Just keep trying.
Remember, when reaching out to successful, highly motivated people, it’s important to be respectful of their time and to be clear about what you’re hoping to gain from the connection. Be prepared with thoughtful questions, insights, and focus on building a genuine relationship. Like anything, networking takes time and effort, but it can be a valuable investment in your personal and professional growth.
When you say, “doing less,” do you mean they’re not as ambitious and trying to move up the ladder in a high-skilled or industrious position? Many men are likely not even as capable or intelligent as you are. That doesn’t mean they can’t be great friends, although there might be a chance you have little in common and don’t live similar lifestyles.
I think it might serve you well, as Loppar spoke about, to differentiate who is going to be actual, caring friends—the sort that will be there in an emergency at 3 AM, for example, and bend over backwards for you—and men who you might just, for lack of better words, just have agenda-driven relationships with.
Of my friends and close male family members, and I’m thankful I’ve obtained some great ones, there is big economic difference, with three (four if we count a former friend to include in this example), being very-high earning, and the rest being middle class, including myself. One is an IFBB pro who has had his share of popularity and being on the go.
The commonality amongst all (aside from the former friend) is that they are all intelligent, moral, generous, responsible men doing the right things and thinking and behaving like men.
One of these friends is actually who I would consider a family friend because he has been close friends with my uncle since 1976 (!) and even spent a lot of time with my granddad too, as a kid. He is loaded. My uncle did well for himself, but they are in different leagues. But one gaining more or being more capable never broke their bond
My close circle of 4-5 life-long friends - ones I would do anything for like family and vice-versa run the gambit.
1 is literally on the Forbes list.
1 works at a lawn and garden center.
1 is a self-made business owner millionaire.
1 is an attorney that does well.
1 is a large regional sales rep for Agilent.
These are the ones that I could call at 3 AM for anything and they would show up even if it meant flying from overseas. You always need these types of friends.
2 of them I have done business with as I know if the business went south, it would not ruin our friendship and we could afford the loss financially.
I try not to do business with friends and family. It can work, but brings an extra set of problems - especially if things do not go well.
I can’t find anyone who is out-working me. I can’t actually find folks that are striving to improve themselves like me, or if they are - the changes arent apparent/very slowly coming to fruition. They don’t need to be on par with me, but most everyone is doing just enough or just enough to get noticed… nothing more.
I’m looking/hoping to find folks that are hustling. Men who are looking to build a legacy. I suppose I’m looking to surround myself with people who are as driven as me. People that I’ll learn from and can help teach.
As @Bauber mentioned, mutually beneficial acquaintances - more or less. I don’t need friends, but i do need mentors.
I think I started out lucky. My closest friends that have been around since I was ~5 years old are successful. Nothing crazy, but like myself a lot better than average.
For more recent friends, finding successful ones has been a numbers game. If you have a lot of friends, some are going to be successful, some very successful. Until recently, I didn’t think making friends or being popular was one of my strengths, but now I do think it a strong point for me.
I think if you have a lot of friends and are successful, that there is kinda a filtering that occurs over time. The ones like you stick around, the others fall away.
