Please let us know how it goes. I tried my best, and my ex flipped out. Started screaming I should love her don’t matter what blah blah blah. Our relationship changed from that day on for about a year until we broke up. THEN she went and started working out every day religiously. Now she keeps sending me pictures, I don’t know if its to gloat or to try and get back with me.
Where on earth do people get this belief that “you should love me no matter what”? Maybe my parents love me unconditionally, but they still aren’t inclined to put up with my crap, nor should they.
One of the reasons I hopped to it (after my tantrum, of course) when my husband gave me “the talk” was that he’s a competitive cyclist & there are lots of hot racer chicks in bike shorts at those races. He’s a loyal husband, but let’s face it, he’s human. He certainly didn’t bring that point up, but I would be delusional not to see it myself.
Airtruth, your ex sounds a bit kooky.
[quote]mmllcc wrote:
Sounds like you guys are dating lazy slobs. Dump them. There are other fish in the sea that don’t mind swimming a little harder. If you don’t push yourself - and let others push you too, then you will never be anything but mediocre.
As to this “but we connect like nothing I’ve experienced.” B.S. - you need to grow up and dispense with the childish emotions. You are wasting your time with this woman.[/quote]
I didn’t want to be the one to say it. but…
x2
[quote]Airtruth wrote:
Please let us know how it goes. I tried my best, and my ex flipped out. Started screaming I should love her don’t matter what blah blah blah. Our relationship changed from that day on for about a year until we broke up.
THEN she went and started working out every day religiously. Now she keeps sending me pictures, I don’t know if its to gloat or to try and get back with me.[/quote]
It is purely revenge. Don’t take the bait!! Well you can if you want…
You have to reach some kind of compromise e.g. My GF hates the fact that i’m a health freak but loves my athletic-muscular ripped phyqisue.
So i tell her…“bitch if you don’t like me pumping iron then you don’t get to feel my biceps or 6-pack”!! simple as…
try it : )
[quote]PittMania wrote:
You have to reach some kind of compromise e.g. My GF hates the fact that i’m a health freak but loves my athletic-muscular ripped phyqisue.
So i tell her…“bitch if you don’t like me pumping iron then you don’t get to feel my biceps or 6-pack”!! simple as…
try it : )[/quote]
wow fella you are blowing up the threads on your very first day.
I have to say I am not so impressed with your advice or posts
[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:
I have to say I am not so impressed with your advice or posts
[/quote]
News Flash: I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK
[quote]PittMania wrote:
OctoberGirl wrote:
I have to say I am not so impressed with your advice or posts
News Flash: I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK[/quote]
I bet you do ;>
[quote]Miss Parker wrote:
Where on earth do people get this belief that “you should love me no matter what”? Maybe my parents love me unconditionally, but they still aren’t inclined to put up with my crap, nor should they.
[/quote]
No kidding… just yesterday I was talking to my neighbor, who has gained at LEAST 50 pounds in the last two years, and she was narrating the argument she and her husband had had the night before.
He had addressed the fact that she was not as physically attractive to him as she used to be, and her response was 100% from the entitlement, “love-me-no-matter-what” perspective, which in this case includes his being just as turned on by her as he was 50 pounds ago.
I’ve been trying to figure out for quite a while how to tell her that her self-centered, bitchy outlook on all her relationships, and secondarily her disregard for her own appearance, are going to cost her a very kind, loyal, hardworking man.
Honestly, the biggest reason I want talk to her about it is because I feel badly for him.
But yeah, unconditional love is NOT what is described by people who use that line, which is simply an emotional attack that allows selfish people to perpetuate harmful behavior without having to feel guilty.
I’m with the “you’re wasting your time” crowd.
All the signs are there, and you’re not doing her any favors getting sucked in and letting her have her way.
The thing is, you’re not being selfish, your feelings and needs are reasonable, and you’re communicating them to her. Or at least trying to. It’s not selfish to have needs in a relationship. Your needs are to have a fit and lovely gf who shares your interests. That’s not selfish.
But you can’t blame her for not meeting your needs, You’re simply shopping in the wrong store. You can’t buy a lawnmower at the lingerie shop, or vice versa.
Been there, done that. It will continue to cause problems. It has cause major issues for me in the past.
If it’s that important to you, I’d say move on, but that’s just me. I want someone to be healthy that I’m with, rather than waiting for them to die 20 yrs before me or suffer through countless medical problems.
Yeah I have had some trials in this department with my wife. I have been lifting for 17 years so its a part of my normal life. While I never quit lifting, after we got married I started eating way too much junk food.
Back in Feb I got serious and did the Velocity Diet (lost over 20 lbs). Even though I always had muscles, she really likes the new slimmer lothos but even though she gripes about her belly “pudge”, she won’t do anything about it.
I have tried several ways to attack this and its simple = there is not one. Now anytime she gripes about her body I just say “well you know what to do and I will help anyway I can” and leave it at that. Right now she is only about 20 lbs overweight but I’ll be honest - I worry if she gets 40+ lbs …
Crazy! I thought this thread died, but I guess it’s still around! Thanks so much for the input, ladies and gentlemen 
Out of the blue, my girlfriend actually started to log her food and is eating better. She is hitting the gym, too.
I think it was because she was getting sick often. She went to the emergency room because she was really sick and had constant migraines for a week. They couldn’t find anything wrong with her on the CAT scan, so they gave her some meds. They are helping, but she said she wants to feel better, so I think that might of been what pushed her to workout and eat better.
Thanks again for all the help and advice!
[quote]Airtruth wrote:
Please let us know how it goes. I tried my best, and my ex flipped out. Started screaming I should love her don’t matter what blah blah blah. Our relationship changed from that day on for about a year until we broke up. THEN she went and started working out every day religiously. Now she keeps sending me pictures, I don’t know if its to gloat or to try and get back with me.[/quote]
LOL! Oh man, this reminds me of my ex (not the girl I’m with now). I tried to help her, but the more I tried to help, the more she got PO’ed. We ended up breaking up. Guess what? She’s down 30 pounds and looking good. WTF?! I’m very happy with my girlfriend but why do some women start working out and eating healthy only after a relationship has ended?
approach it in a non-esthetic way…you’re concerned for her health. If you’re in love with her obviously you start thinking about the future and you want her to be around and healthy. Exercising prevents so many diseases and improves on your health in so many ways you HAVE to.
As well, this is an interest of yours-you want to SHARE it with her. If you were into painting maybe you would have her dabble in that, but on a saturday morning take her to the gym as a date…show that you are concerned about her well being and want her around for awhile!
Hook line and sinker!
[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
Been there, done that. It will continue to cause problems. It has cause major issues for me in the past.
If it’s that important to you, I’d say move on, but that’s just me. I want someone to be healthy that I’m with, rather than waiting for them to die 20 yrs before me or suffer through countless medical problems.[/quote]
I agree. A lack of willingness to support and join you in your healthy lifestyle is a shitty thing to have to live with, and it also extends into other areas of the relationship and other areas of her life where she’s complacent.
I also agree with lothos that there is no good solution, it’s a no-win situation.
I’m a recovering fatty here and I STILL say don’t put up with it, it’s not worth it. It is easy to feel bad and make excuses for the one you love when they keep making excuses for themselves. You are also a reflection of the people you surround yourself with. You deserve someone who wants to grow old with you healthily.
People have to want to be healthy and fit for themselves, not for their significant others. Which is why I now will only date people with healthy lifestyles. Screw that changing someone crap, I got better things to do.
Well this is something that I have some good experience with. There is no way that you can force or guilt her into doing this for YOU. This is something she needs to want for herself. Personally I think its super selfish for her to let herself get like a fat slob while your staying trim and lean for her.
That whole “you should love me for how I am” is complete bullshit and we as humans weren’t programmed for this anyways. If you were getting super fat, hairy and balding she’d probably loose sexual interest despite what she says and go bang some hot stud behind your back. (well the last part was dramatized)
Basically its something you can do yourself, and have her eventually join you IF she wants to. There is NOTHING you can do to make her change her life or her desires. Think about it, even if you were to talk with her, have her agree to work out; unless she WANTED this it wouldn’t last longer than a week or so. As we all know (who train a lot) how much dedication it really takes.
In conclusion, if this is something thats super important to you go find a girlfriend who’s already a dedicated lifter/athlete or wahtever and you’ll be much happier. It’s not fair for you to change her.
You know as well as I do that her health is only secondary in your mind and the fact she’s getting fat is primary. Don’t worry tho, my johnson doesn’t flinch for fatties either. Appearances are important to me, I am human afterall.
[quote]kensai01 wrote:
Don’t worry tho, my johnson doesn’t flinch for fatties either. Appearances are important to me, I am human afterall.[/quote]
LOL! Funny.
Anyways, thanks for all the input guys and girls! She is still hitting the gym and eating well. I just hope it lasts a lifetime instead of a few months. I have faith, so we’ll see.
Thanks again!
[quote]sluicy wrote:
Miss Parker wrote:
Where on earth do people get this belief that “you should love me no matter what”? Maybe my parents love me unconditionally, but they still aren’t inclined to put up with my crap, nor should they.
No kidding… just yesterday I was talking to my neighbor, who has gained at LEAST 50 pounds in the last two years, and she was narrating the argument she and her husband had had the night before.
He had addressed the fact that she was not as physically attractive to him as she used to be, and her response was 100% from the entitlement, “love-me-no-matter-what” perspective, which in this case includes his being just as turned on by her as he was 50 pounds ago.
I’ve been trying to figure out for quite a while how to tell her that her self-centered, bitchy outlook on all her relationships, and secondarily her disregard for her own appearance, are going to cost her a very kind, loyal, hardworking man.
Honestly, the biggest reason I want talk to her about it is because I feel badly for him.
But yeah, unconditional love is NOT what is described by people who use that line, which is simply an emotional attack that allows selfish people to perpetuate harmful behavior without having to feel guilty.[/quote]
Unfortunately, no amount of talking on the subject with your neighbor will yield results until she becomes aware that she has a problem. Only then can she do something about it, if she’s willing. What makes most T-Nation members unique from the larger population is that we are AWARE of our own physical strengths, flaws, etc., and we seek to improve them. Most people in the world, believe it or not, don’t give a rat’s ass. And most of that most will do whatever they can to blame someone else for their ‘condition’, and find every reason NOT to do something about it. Human nature, as it were…
[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
I wish I could offer you some better advice. I really gave this some thought. What if you focus on fun activities you can do together that are active.
Rather than try and get her to the gym, go swimming or cycling or something like that. The focus should be on fun togetherness rather than fitness.
Other people may feel differently but if my boyfriend or husband were to bring it up even in the context of how much they love me, it would be irritating as hell.
Every major life change I’ve made has been entirely self motivated. It’s almost as if a switch has flipped and now your ready. I don’t think you can do it for someone else just make it available and lead by example.
If you continue to bang on about it though, expect resistance.[/quote]
Thanks for the thoughts.
I’ve the same concerns for my wife, somewhat. She looks great. Amazing, really. I just worry about her health – I’d like her to lift weights for the strength, not to change her appearance. She made one work-out with me, hasn’t felt like going back.
I’ve been very careful about not pushing it more, glad it seems like I’m doing the right thing.