T Nation

How Is Your Life?

Do you like your life? Its unfortunate that many people live lives that they don’t. As a matter of fact its just flat out wrong. Thats why prozac and zoloft have become household names.

Many men(and women) live their lives trapped in a cycle of work and sleep, hoping to free themselves by playing a round of golf before going to Home Depot for some new curtains, then maybe even Bed Bath and Beyond…if their is enough time.

I see people who flat out hate their lives everyday. Its not just the blue collar, its even the doctors and lawyers who live their lives to support an over inflated overhead.

I’ll go ahead and put it out their- I’m 19. I realize I know nothing about anything being my age even though I would consider myself intelligent.Quite simply I don’t want to end up like these people.

I won’t let society break me like a wild horse. I won’t let a woman cage me into a life of a castrated financial provider. And I am trying my best to find what I am ultimately passionate about in order to not live a life without it.

My open-ended-as-hell questions for everyone are:

How is your life?
Why?
Advice you would tell your 18-19 year old self…or me!

(on a side note, I have been reading these forums for over a year now. I am very interested in everything that is said here on nutrition and training. We really have access to a brilliant resource here.

What I have come to notice is that this site is more than that. My girlfriend asked me what it was because she always sees me reading from it. The easiest way I could describe it to her, " You know what Oprah is for you? Thats what TC is for men. And all the doctors and trainers that write articles, those are like the quests on the show."

Please don’t think less of me for comparing TC to Oprah, but thats how I explained it. This forum has become more than a training website. Its like the town meeting for testicles where ways to preserve our values and ideologies can be discussed. And the reason I believe the above question is appropriate.)

Long read…but hopefully a good topic of discussion.

You sound pretty intelligent.

  1. My life is GOOD…not perfect. My life has also been BAD and stuck in a seeming hell I could not get out of.

2 My life is good because I am healthy, have a job, wife and kids. These are the keys to MY happiness. Having a good life all boils down to happiness. It’s not about big money or having a hot chick…you can have those, but still be unhappy.

I had all the above as well when I felt my life was shitty. It’s all a matter of perspective.

  1. Advice to my 18 YO self???

a. Don’t drink and use drugs of any kind. (I’m alcoholic and pothead and 100% sober now)

b. Don’t judge people and think you are better than anyone else.

c. Don’t have huge expectations, but strive for success at the same time.

d. Don’t waste time in idle activities.

e. CHERISH being young…because when it’s gone…it’s gone.

f. Don’t stick your dick in too many girls.

g. Be selfless and live for your loved ones and friends instead of just yourself.

Theres more, but that’s what I’ve got right now.

[quote]medog11 wrote:
Please don’t think less of me for comparing TC to Oprah, but thats how I explained it. [/quote]

Oh a PERFECT analogy! Awesome.

Oh another one…don’t worry about what others think of you!! It’s wasted energy.

[quote]medog11 wrote:
Please don’t think less of me for comparing TC to Oprah, but thats how I explained it. [/quote]

It sure doesn’t bother me, Medog11.

I get the comparison and I’m humbled.

Find activities you like and then try to do them as much as possible while supporting yourself and then someday a family.

D

Rockscar made some good points. I will reiterate a few and add my own.

Don’t do a job for the money. Do what you love and you will be satisfied.

Do not try and “keep up with the Joneses”. You will never be happy if you do.

Find a good companion. My wife is not “super hawt”, (however she’s definitely attractive), but I could not ask for a better companion. Look long and hard for compatibility and ability to have equality.

Have at least one kid. You won’t regret it.

Commit one unselfish act for a stranger once every couple of weeks. Even if it’s just letting someone ahead of you in traffic. It will make you fell better.

Don’t compromise your beliefs for anybody.

Good luck in your life, it sounds like you are ahead of the game compared to many your age.

Cueball

I really like my life. There are some things I would change right now but not many and I am working towards those things. My advice for a good life was given to me about 7 years ago when I was 25.

Be a leader. This is more than forcing people to do what you want. It is living your life in such a way that other people want to be you and be around you.

Find something you love and do it well.

Stay away from drinking as much as possible. Happiness doesn’t come in a bottle.

If and when you finally marry make sure it is someone who supports you and who you support. I have never seen anything kill a man faster than living with a woman that will suck soul out of him. Inversely, a good woman will help you succeed in everything you do.

Remember that having kids doesn’t end you life. I have seen too many people give up the things they love because once junior comes along they think that is what they need to do. You might have to readjust you life a little, but you do not have to give up those things you love.

Let your job be your passion. If you are not happy where you work and you can not make yourself happy, quit and find someting else.

Remember that you are not the center of the universe. Be humble and thankful in your daily life and you will be rewarded with a fantastic life.

This is just my own personal belief. Take what you want from it.

[quote]medog11 wrote:
How is your life?
[/quote]
Pretty darn good.

My needs are met and my wants are few.

My 18 or 19 year old self?- Nothing. It would be like talking to a wall.

You- Nothing. I wouldn’t want to deprive anybdy of the experience of living and learning. It realy is a blast.

Good, thanks for asking.

My advice would be try to figure out what really matters in your life. There are a lot of things we elevate in importance, but that may not really be worth our time.

Ask a dying older relative what the most important things in life are… they probably won’t mention their bank account balance… though providing and living well certainly do have value.

Look after your health. Be there for your friends and family if and when they need you. Leave the world a better place than you found it.

I just read online I might have Anxiety and alot of stress and mild depression. Nothing helps me. I fight with my family all the time,No friends to speak of to help me out,and no girlfriend either.

[quote]mr_slick wrote:
I just read online I might have Anxiety and alot of stress and mild depression. Nothing helps me. I fight with my family all the time,No friends to speak of to help me out,and no girlfriend either.[/quote]

Maybe you should look at the things you DO have instead of the things you don’t have.

[quote]StevenF wrote:
mr_slick wrote:
I just read online I might have Anxiety and alot of stress and mild depression. Nothing helps me. I fight with my family all the time,No friends to speak of to help me out,and no girlfriend either.

Maybe you should look at the things you DO have instead of the things you don’t have. [/quote]

Without family,friends,and someone that loves or cares about you,you truely have nothing.

How is my life? It’s great!!!

Why? Because I don’t let anything bother me, and I stay positive all the time, and my life has happened the way it has because it’s the best path for me.

Advice for you:

-Work hard and smart towards your goals

-Build your network (business and social)

-Love and trust your family

-Be patient

-No matter how many times you fall down on your face, as long as you get back up and try harder, that’s all that matters

-Keep a positive attitude

-Always keep a cool head in all situations, even if you want to choke somebody

That’s all I can think of.

[quote]mr_slick wrote:
StevenF wrote:
mr_slick wrote:
I just read online I might have Anxiety and alot of stress and mild depression. Nothing helps me. I fight with my family all the time,No friends to speak of to help me out,and no girlfriend either.

Maybe you should look at the things you DO have instead of the things you don’t have.

Without family,friends,and someone that loves or cares about you,you truely have nothing.[/quote]

Hey mr_slick, you have T-Nation that cares for you!!!

[quote]mr_slick wrote:
Without family,friends,and someone that loves or cares about you,you truely have nothing.[/quote]

Donate some of your time to charity, or otherwise find things to do that give you something to feel good about.

Some people are just plain loners and they are just fine with that.

However, if you don’t like being alone, then you’d better make sure you aren’t always looking for things to bitch about, express your opinion on, or otherwise cause strife and drive everyone away.

Be associated with good times and people will be happy to have you around. Everyone knows someone who might as well be a dark cloud, bringing discontent wherever happy people gather. Don’t be that stain.

Just bunch of random shit… don’t know if it really is helpful or applies to anyone.

Most people who hate their lives do so for one of a couple of reasons:

  1. Big Bad Decision.
  2. Following Others.

(I used all caps to make myself look like a guru.)

Anyhow, big bad decisions means a total screw-up - like driving after drink “a few beers.” Driving after drinking a couple of beers usually isn’t a huge deal. Until you hit a kid. Then you’ll end up in prison - even if you weren’t drunk when you hit the kid. Consider your actions and realize that many seemingly small decisions, (“I’m okay to drive”) can ruin your life.

Marrying the wrong person falls into this category. You can’t just get “unmarried” easily. Having a kid is another one. There are others, of course. Just think through what you are doing.

And don’t live for others. In my profession, many are miserable because they are doing what they are doing to impress other people.

If you want to be a ski bum and live in Vail, Colorado, then do it. Other people might judge you for that. But people will judge you no matter what you do. And at the end of it all, living a life that isn’t yours is much worse than having people you don’t care about look down on you.

But on a day-to-day basis, living for others is a bad thing. Are you really going to not study or train because some guys want to hang out? Why? If you really need to relax, go for it. But don’t do something you don’t want to just because it’s expected of you. Life for yourself.

Less abstractly… Don’t put anything on a credit card. If you are in college, get as good of grades as you can. Having “too good” of grades will never hurt you. Having bad grades might haunt you - especially if you want to go to grad school.

Finally, I would say to have sex with as many girls as you can. Most people I know wish they had had more sex in college. Then again, pregnancies, STDs, and false-rape cases are common. So if you are going to have sex, always use a condom and never have sex with someone who is drunk. (Failing to do so might be a Big Bad Decision. What if the girl changes her mind the next day? She’ll say she was too drunk to consent. Then what?)

[quote]medog11 wrote:
My open-ended-as-hell questions for everyone are:

How is your life?
Why?
Advice you would tell your 18-19 year old self…or me!

Long read…but hopefully a good topic of discussion.[/quote]

  1. My life is pretty good. Don’t get me wrong it has its ups and downs, but over all it’s been pretty fun. I certainly don’t feel depressed or trapped (except when driving in traffic)

  2. I’ve had lots of fun, been to a lot of different places, and I’ve had some neat jobs.

  3. I would have dropped out of high school at 17 and became a paratrooper for for 6 years then got out and finished my degree on uncle sam’s tab.

Some more advice…

Also, money matters. Do not let anyone tell you differently. I know what it’s like to talk someone out of cutting off your power. I also know what it’s like to not have to set up “budget” for my supplements and to just order what I want. (I don’t know what it’s like to own a Rolls Royce. I’ll report back when I do.)

Open a Roth IRA. Today. Just start saving some amount - even if it’s only $20 a month. I could not be more serious about this. That money will grow towards retirement. It make will you freer sooner. Or if something bad happens, it will be there for you when you need it.

Think about ways to make money. You do NOT want to work for someone else all of your life. Very few people who work for others are happy. Find a way to work for yourself.

Work. There is no reason even a college student cannot work a part-time job. You are not missing out on anything by working. When young, it seems like Friday nights are just so cool. They are not. You are not missing out on anything by working. Make that money.

Read widely. Read everything. Read something that makes your brain hurt. Then put the book down and read Maxim. Your knowledge should be diverse. You should be able to, if need be, talk to both the upper and lower classes.

Pick up a fighting art like thai boxing or Brazilian jiu jitsu. There is much to be said to know that you need not be afraid of going places others might be afraid.

[quote]mr_slick wrote:
Without family,friends,and someone that loves or cares about you,you truely have nothing.[/quote]

I felt this way many times. I don’t know my father and have no relationship with my mother. I’ve moved cross-country and back so I’ve lost some friends over time and the ones I have kept just aren’t as close as they used to be. My wife left me 3 years ago. I really felt all alone and just wanted to die.

I had no one and nowhere to turn. To top it off, because of things went down, I was even homeless for several weeks. It was rock bottom for me. I even attempted suicide. Obviously, I failed.

Now here I am three years later. I have my problems and my demons from the past I have to deal with. Life isn’t always great, or even good, but I’m glad I’m still here to experience it. Life has been hard for me. A lot of it is my own fault, but it’s still hard.

I’m still alone often. I only have a handful of fairly close friends. My financial life has only slightly improved over the last three years. But I have had some fun, too, and some experiences I will cherish forever.

When I look back at the last few years, I can’t even picture myself so low that I would want to kill myself. Hell, even the bad stuff and setbacks that have happened are things I look back and laugh at now. Well, maybe not laugh, but at least give a good chuckle.

Life can get better if you let it. I’m not going to sit and paint a pretty picture of roses and sunsets on the beach, because, for a lot us, that just ain’t life. But occasionally you will find yourself sitting on a beach staring at the setting sun. And that one good moment creates a memory that cancels out so many bad ones. Life’s funny that way.

Ok, on to the original topic. Yeah, I like my life. I experienced unbelievable highs and unfathomable lows in life. Life is about the experience.

I’ve been married and divorced. I’ve lived in Los Angeles, Milwaukee, and Las Vegas. I’ve been to a sex museum in New York and taco stands in San Diego. I’ve woken up handcuffed to a hospital bed. I’ve slept under a slide at the playground and lived in a $400,000 condo. I’ve fallen completely in love and I’ve had my heart completely crushed. And I love it all.

I’m not sure what I would tell an 18-year-old me. ‘Don’t buy that van and blow the entire $8,000 in one weekend. Graduate high school. Talk to Kim, she will actually sleep with you. And Felicia. Don’t sleep with Nikki, you’ll be the sloppy third – that night. Stick with the game plan against Oceanside; you had the game won. And floss more.’

Of course I’m perfectly okay with making the wrong decision in all these instances. I’ve learned and moved on. I don’t really regret any of my decisions. I occasionally have some “I shoulda’s” or “I wish I had’s” run through my mind, but they’re not strong enough to be regrets.

I guess what I’m trying to say is life is what it is. Try to enjoy the ride and have more good times than bad. And I realize this is Tee Dash Nation and home of the Alpha Male, but the ride can be enjoyed while married or single. It can be enjoyed with kids or sans children. Go have fun.

My life is sometimes very good and sometimes fucking terrible, and I’m either OK or pissed off. That’s my nature.

My only advice would be don’t ever start smoking. And never, never, never put anything in writing.

Otherwise, just live your life as you see fit… no “advice” in the world will make you understand like learning your own hard lessons will.