I don't exactly know why your workout "sucks completely go read this article" or whatever. Scientifically, as a general rule, workouts that last longer than an hour can be counterproductive as far as protein degration or something along those lines go. Regardless, as a rule, keep your workouts pretty short, it'll probably work best.
I think the reason the other guys didn't like your workout is that it seems pretty needlessly complex. I can't speak for them, so I dunno.
Anyways, I'll give you these articles to read, they are NOT program recommendations, they are articles that will help you create your OWN best workout. The only thing you have to keep in mind is that you're a beginner: don't get fancy.
http://www.t-nation.com/readTopic.do?id=459430 - Different types of muscular gain. At its core, an article about bodybuilding training vs. powerlifting training.
http://www.t-nation.com/readTopic.do?id=459759 - Ian King's great article about the basics.
http://www.t-nation.com/readTopic.do?id=651322 - This goes hand in hand with CT's article mentioned above. It's about different types of training. I personally love this article, I like CT's one more for the knowledge of it, but as far as creating a program I do pay attention to this.
http://www.t-nation.com/readTopic.do?id=459411 - I'm not a huge fan of this article, but it's not bad by any means. It does take you through it holding your hand though. And as far as TUT and rest periods it isn't all that important.
Anyways, at the very least read CW's Set/Rep Bible and Ian King's Bustin' Ass 101 (2nd and 3rd links). They'll help.