T Nation

How Important is Your SO's Physique?


#1

OK, so this might be TSB, but I was just curious whether you hold your SO's physique up to the same standards as you do for yourself.

There was another fitness forum that discussed this, and surprisingly a lot of fit women seem to have lazy asses for bfs/husbands - i.e. don't exercise at all.

What about those that are just one night stands? Is the standard different than for someone you'd be serious about?

I guess I should go first since it's my thread. I've always been interested in staying healthy, although recently I've become more serious about lifting and eating right. It's very important to me that my SO keep a healthy and active lifestyle, despite what he looks like. It does bother me that my bf has a pretty shitty diet and doesn't take care of himself (it's not like I want to take on the role of his mother!).

But on top of that, I'm finding my preferences have started to change from being attracted only to tall and lean guys to more muscular MEN. My bf used to be a competitive xc runner, so he's lean lean lean. He still looks good, but I've been trying to encourage him to gain weigh,t but without being too pushy - after all, he'll do it when he wants it. But I can't help but drool over the guys I see at the gym. If I wasn't in a committed relationship, I would seriously become a lot more slutty. I guess strangely enough I'd be more picky about the physique of someone who's just a fling vs. someone I'm committed to.


#2

I have very high standards for myself, but I don't do the same for others...at least not initially. Meaning, I'm okay with someone with an average body or a few extra pounds as long as she has a pretty face, great personality and we get along very well.

However, over time, I will lose interest in them if they don't change their habits/physique to improve themselves. And I can not stay in a long-term relationship with someone who does not strive to make themselves better or who doesn't take good care of themselves and is not interested in eating right and working out.


#3

Wideguy has a great thread going in the sex forum about this subject. Take a look.

Monopoly


#4

This actually played a part in my divorce. It's not that I'm a shallow bastard interested only in physical attraction. If someone smokes, eats junk every meal, and generally doesn't take care of themselves, then they clearly don't respect themselves. Which in turn, makes it hard for me to respect them. It's nearly impossible to have a successful relationship with someone you don't respect.


#5

I agree. Unfortunately, I think this sets me up for failure. After all, isnt' there a quote that says something like, "Never fall in love with someone's potential?" I do have high standards, but they apply more to intelligence, wit, etc.

Definitely something I need to work on!

Now, not to be a pig or anything, but setting a lower bar for the physique definitely encourages some one-night stands!


#6

It's very important. They don't have to be perfect or anything, but they have to take care of themselves. I really like the physique my girlfriend has; I wouldn't be with her if I didn't. I don't think you can have a successful relationship if only one person is taking care of themselves - too much resentment will build over time.

Now, this doesn't mean that just by finding a girl with a good physique and a pretty smile all is well. I still need to be able to hold a conversation with her, and she still needs to laugh at my dumb jokes :wink:


#7

Sounds to me like you need to get down to NJ and hook up with me.

Steve


#8

Great question - definitely inspires some honest reflection.

It's not the actual "fitness" of the body that I find attractive in people, so much as the mental/psychological preconditions to it.

The discipline, courage and initiative of someone training at ANY level is comparable- it's the desire to be extroardinary and exceptional that can exist in someone 5lbs into a 20lb weight loss, or someone who has been training for years.

Anyone who leads an active lifestyle (gym goer, or not) and takes care of themselves is a candidate, in my book. If I'm going to trust someone with an emotional, physical commitment - I want to know that they will extend the same standards of care and consideration to my life and body that they do, their own.

It's great to look at a fabulous body, provided that it's really a physical manifestation of the best qualities (strength, power, focus, passion) of its proprietor's mind. It really comes down to a lifelong commitment to always being better to yourself and those you love.

Got both? Damn, THAT's hot.


#9

Hehe.. there's a thought.

Monopoly19 - hey thanks, I didn't see that thread. I guess it must crop up in most people's minds eventually?


#10

I feel similarly, although my last longterm girlfriend wasn't that into working out or paid much attention to eating right. She was active, however, and looked pretty damn good. We shared other interests unrelated to training.


#11

Anyone else get all the motivation they need from this? Err, I did.


#12

Hell, I feel the same way. But her face matters less.


#13

Face is #1 for me and how they carry themselves, their attitude, etc. Then, they at least have to not be real fucking fat... but then I like to think that the people who I'm attracted to, wouldn't let themselves get real fat, because they'd have enough self-respect and drive to be able to remain healthy.

I'm attracted to crazy strong-headed italian women with tats, piercings, dark hair and light eyes at the moment. Its painful. Help me.

:slight_smile:


#14

My problem has always been that I am too damn picky when it comss to looks.... I guess I felt that I deserve someone who puts just as much time and effort into looking great as I do...

I've gotta' learn that women don't have to look like fitness models before I want to go out with them...
(Hell, these women are usually taken already anyway)

I am trying to change my attitude/outlook..

This thread kinda' woke me up on the subject... thanks..


#15

Boy, how to put this.....I think it is more important than it should be. Maybe it's because I spend so much time on mine, but I need her to have a bit of a body. She needs to be asthetically pleasing as well as having a personality. Though I have no trouble in this department now, I do wonder what if something were to happen where she no longer kept up with herself. Would I be less attracted to her? Probably. Is that shallow? You bet.

But the physique is something that you notice first, and it either makes a good impression or it doesn't. Not to mention that I wouldn't be with someone who just lets themselves go while I bust my ass keeping it in shape.


#16

I wouldn't hold her to a level of fitness and body shape that is equal to mine but what is important is that she is at least health conscience and makes an effort to stay in reasonable shape.


#17

Not very, I like fat chicks(by this forum's standards).


#18

I am attracted to people who share many of my common interests, most of which are physically demanding sports/activites and the like. This results (either directly or indirectly) in a body shape that I find attractive.

Typically these people also exhibit healthy behavior. I am not sure I have seen any overweight rock climbers/mountaineers. I want someone I can play with (any way you wish to take that) as well as geek up with intellectual intercourse every so often.

e


#19

for me, its preety important.. i mean, if its gonna be long term, then it has to be right up there on the top priorities.. if not, things will just get worse.. of course personality counts alot too, but havin' a tight ass when youre say, in your 50's is preety damn cool as well.

of course it can totally go overboard and if the said SO is obsessive, and does not know how to just let loose once in a while, well thats not too cool..

my 2c


#20

I don't really go for looks. I'm more into how that person feels about herself. If she loves herself, it's easier for me to love her.

The woman I'm going out with used to be an athlete; now she's just a beautiful woman with a little bit of tummy fat. She can if she want to, I'd support her either way, but if I had the power, I wouldn't change how she looks at all. I was physically attracted to her like that in the first place. Why change what worked perfectly the first time?

So, I guess, no, having a similiar level of fitness isn't that important for some of us. It's their attitude. If they're not in great shape but are happy anyway, great. If they're not in good shape and that affects their happiness, then they're not good choices for anything other than one-nighters.